Most Popular Posts since I started blogging in Feb 2008:

Thursday, February 28, 2008

that was just a quick entry

during my lunch break. I've been sooooo busy. Tonight I should finally get to catch up on everything in the last week and a half

Redneck boys with pants down (youtube)

hehe i like this one - shotgun to the balls!!! thats gotta hurt good






Friday, February 22, 2008

i'll catch up more tomorrow

... like from valentines on. didn't want to lose the links from the vids

see why this hurts

now think this is in the nuts!

this aint bad

he wouldnt of have got up so fast if he got really hit

this is still the best one

its old tho but at least more real for whats like public

painting in arenas sucks of course. we do it in the fields in uniforms and if you get captured you get real tortured like a POW. the guys that get hunted always get captured

damn it worked!!

wow damn it worked. just took the object stuff from youtube and put it in. this one is much hotter tho. I got shot in the balls painting a bunch. from close it hurts a lot fucking more!!




in the group we only do it in uniforms, on the hunts. for executions its in underwear and tied to a tree

I'm so behind....

but I'm catching up

heres a video i found. we do all this paintball stuff in the group too

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Wednesday

busy day today and kind of crappy. Its not good for me to stay up so late like last nite writing on my blog. Didnt sleep enough. Work mostly sucked cos when the new guy quit he said its all cos of Shane so the manager is totally pissed at him and so Shane was being the total ass all day. He tired with Cody. He's a nice guy and like real peaceful but today he said to Shane if he wont cut it out hes gonna break his nose or something so Shane left him alone. He tried with me to and tripped me 2 times but the second time when i was falling flat on my face the manager saw it and now Shanes on notice with him. But hes not gonna fire him cos hes one of his best guys in the shop and Shane knows it. Their was a bunch of customers in today so I had tons of stuff to do.

For lunch I didnt go eat anything I was so tired I was sleeping in my truck for a bit. When I got back their was a customer waiting for me. He always wants me to work on his Lexus but not cos I'm like any better its cos hes gay and always come on to me real strong. I dont mind much cos its not like hes tutching me or nothing or hes not like putting me on the spot just kind of weird cos he always makes up shit to get to bring his car in like oil change every 1000 miles and not 3000 or saying he needs a filter, bs like that. Its just weird cos the guys make fun of me thats i got this fag all over me. I feel bad for the guy hes like 35 or so and fat and its kinda sad. I bet he aint got no bf or nothing and all hes got is go to some shop and go gaga over some guy like me and later jack off at home or something like that. But Shane is all over me cos of this guy for the rest of the day talking trash about fags and ass fuckers and all that crap and I got to do some pussy talk cos if I dont and I dont call him a fucking fag around them they might of think I'm ok with a gay customer and that wouldnt be so good. God I hate that.

Someone should break Shanes nose or maybe we should all get together and take him out back one day. Its like everybody is so fucking sick of Shanes fucking atitude. Or fucking kick him in the balls!!

The rest of the afternoon I was thinking about my bf and breaking noses. Last time he broke my nose I loved it. He was so nice after taking me to the ER and I had something from him I could feel like every day and night for a bit. He thought it was stupid to leave the splint on for so long but it looked so hot. I had to look at it in the mirror all the time and jerked off a lot. He didnt say but I think he liked the look too.

Just before closing I was so tired but cos of my thinking about him and that i'm prolly in some for some hell after the last couple days I was in a hurry to get out and over to his house. But then he called just after I got in my truck and he said he was going to have to work something till real late and I shouldnt be coming over. That was a real bummer. I was just sitting in the truck and I was about ready to cry. Its so hard to be away from him all day at work and when hes not wanting to have me over. Totally sucked. What now? I didnt want to go to my place and get like really down all alone. I was a little hungry so I drove all the way over to the Panda chinese takeout. I dont even like chinese much but he does and this is the shop he goes to a lot. Theirs another panda closer to my place but i was wanting to go to his one. When I got their I could see it was kind of full and their were like a lot of black people in line and I wasnt wanting to stand between them so I didnt go in and I wasnt so hungry anymore anyway.

Didn't know what to do and then I was thinking I should ge going to the gym again. Havent been in like over 2 weeks. It really sucked to find the 2 videos from like 6 years ago the other day that some jerk put up. God knows who the fucker is and how he got them but whatever. It sucked cos I used to be so ripped. OK then i was always high on something and never eating much and when i was eating I'd throw up right after so I wouldnt get fat, co sI would of got in a WORLD of trouble if i wasnt looking totally hot.

I still got good muscles and am kinda skinny but I think my bf would fucking LOVE it if I was ripped like that again. I know better what his type is then he does. I cant help im not blonde and dying my hair didnt work for him but i can get ripped again. So I went all the way back up to Addison to the 24hour fitness. My bag was still in the truck from like the last time and kinda stinky but it wasnt like real bad. I did 1 hour of cardio till my legs got all mushy and then I took a break and then like 1 hour and a half of weights till I was so fucking sore and pumped I had a hard time getting off the bench. Stupid I know but I do it everytime like I can make it all happen faster for him. Hit the showers for like a real loooooong and hot one and felt awesome. Like I really did something today for him. In the shower this guy was checking me out like everytime I looked at him he was looking away. What a sucker. And hiding his boner I bet he had one going. At the locker at least he was waiting till i got my boxers on but then he came over and like tried to talk to me. Stupid fucker couldnt even think of nothing to say so he was saying my tatt is real cool and what it is and what the plus sign under it is for. yeah like I was gonna tell some stupid peeping tom that its the group tatt and the plus cos i'm pos so everyone knows whose might gonna fuck me in one of the hunts or torture of POW after. Like he would even get it.

On the way out this chick tried to sell me some powders and juices and was trying to chat me up like she was pretending shes wanting to know how I like the gym and shit b4 she was gonna pull her sale pitch but she took off fast after I choked on 'thanks for asking'. like i'm handicapped. anyway she wasnt gonna wait around and I got rid of her.

Back at my place I hung out where the washers and dryers are to wash the gym stuff and some other stuff and then a nap and now I got to write my blog for the day.

Been checking my mail and messags on gayfighter and everywhere and got one from skidmark and he was writing something about Valentine. thats tomorrow and it made me click. THATS why my bf didnt want me to come over. I bet hes got something planned for tomorrow cos its valentines

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

HAPPY

I'm so totally happy and like the luckiest guy in the world! I know theirs gonna be hell to pay, like when hes so great for a couple days in a row, hes gonna put me down hard and putting the hammer down hard. But its so totally worth it!!!!

OK now I go sleep.

Tuesday back at work

we oversleep totally and have to get cracking so we're not more late then already. At work the new guy quit and Shane is out of people for his shitlist for the day. Hes trying with Cody some and then me but then hes giving up. At least for the day. Its kind of busy anyways.

Just before closing my manager comes up and says hes been wanting to move some stuff around and if I stay late like some of the other guys and help he was gonna pay me for yesterday so I call my bf and he's ok with it. Hey one days pay for 5 hours extra after work thats not a bad deal. Plus we're goofing off a lot anyways cos everyones tired and we dont get why the manager wants the stuff moved now, like in 2 days its all back to the same chaos again. But hey its his money. I'm real tired afterwards anyway so I go to my place thats closer then my bfs and catch up with my blog. Now i'm like really tired but I wanted to get this down cos I think I still forgot a bunch of stuff I was gonna write.

Like about the religion shit my foster dad was into the family i was with at 15. Listening to "The Truth" and hitting me over the head all the time with the Lord's book but then coming almost every night to fuck me. Or that fat lady in the mexican restorant in Huntsville I was gonna write about her too. But i'm too tired now and its like 2:30am and I got to work tomorrow early.

Monday in Huntsville and back

we wake up in the motel and its allready 9:30 and I just suck him a little and work his balls a little but not a lot cos I dont want to tick him off and I want him to cum good before the cleaning lady shows up and my ass and the rest of my body is feeling so sore I want to skip a fuck this morning. And hes ok with it and cums good and I suck it out to the last drip. Hes giddy to get his stuff done and drops me off at the Starbucks for me to wait cos hes gotta do his stuff and stop by his ex's work to drop off some stuff. I'm getting kinda bored at the Starbucks and walk over to the Whataburger for some brekfast till he gets back finally and we're heading back to Dallas. Hes like in a real good mood cos the car is still running great and hasnt been dying. And >>*I*<< fucking fixed it!! I dont remember if I wrote this here before but he finally let me do it and I figurd it out I think. So were going back and were not like talking much and I keep thinking this was like a great weekend with a roadtrip and so fucking awesome I wonder whats this gonna mean, like whats the price i'm gonna have to pay. I was trying to sort of kinda buy my way out and like trying to say if hes wanting to use that field phone on my nuts again its ok by me, like hes gonna ask me anyways, but I fugure if I say it then maybe its not gonna be so bad. I was just going berserk before just cos I didnt know what he was up to with it before and it just so fucking hurt. But I didnt really get to say it and then we're back in Dallas and hes tired from all the driving so I dont get to say nothing and I just wait and see what happens.

Hes got to do some stuff and at first I was gonna maybe write my blog but then hes wanting to watch his TV and I'm like so worn out I just sit next to him and pretend I watch too. When I go for a piss and come back in the living room I walk by the couch hes lying on and he kicks me square in the nuts cos I wasnt even looking and gets me really good. He so fucking loves it to rack me when I dont see it coming and he got me really good this time. I'm down on the floor for like a long time, retching and thinking if he broke my balls.

Later we go to bed and I'm thinking now hes gonna let me have it and I'm not feeling like it, my balls still hurt like fuck just from that one kick. That was one fucking RACK 10 out of 10. But he's not doing nothing just pulls me tight and goes to sleep.

BBQ and Camping and ROAD TRIP Sunday

god!! theirs so much to tell and i'm afraid I forget a lot if i dont wreite it up now. I'm not even half thru. I'm so tired I could fall over and sleep right now.

So, Saturday. Its like evening and he's still not back from whatever he was gonna do all and I'm talking to my friend hawkeye up in canada online, like in Yahoo messenger. We're talking about Brad and why's hes never on and all and finally my bf calls and says hey we're doing a BBQ with the group and makes me write down all the stuff im supposed to get. So first I got to go to my place for my uniform cos I dont have everything with me and my sleeping bag. Then get beer, some lighter fluid, couple more steaks just in case, cigs for him, and a load of other stuff. I'm never so hot to do anything with the group, but it's not like I got a choise. I'm just so glad my bf is now my CO and not Mitchell anymore cos that sucked bad ass. As I'm getting my uniform and then run around to get all the stuff and not forget anything, cos its way out and I cant go back to get anything I missed, I keep thinking I hope I'm not getting set up on anything. All the time with the group, someone is getting fucked up and I'm kind of tired its me a lot. I wish I could of just gone back to bed, I'm soo tired I almost stumble over my own feed at the licor store and drop like one of the 24packs.

Finally I get their. I always fell asleep 2 or 3 times driving cos nobody else is going out their so late on a Saturday nite so its all dark on the road and I;'m so worn out and tired. On the way I pulled over at some gas station for some coffee to keep me awake but its been sitting their forever and always makes me puke but its so bitter it gets me more awake. Theirs only one lady at the station for like everything and first I'm thinking if she not scared all by herself but then shes so ugly whats gonna happen to her hehe. Anyways. So I get out their and first guy I see is this crazy dude Bryce from Waco and I think oh fucking shit their up to something. But its nothing, just the CO from Waco with his guys and Mitchell and some of the other guys and their like all in a good mood and theive gone thu a bunch of beer before I got their. Its all cool theyve been waiting for me, like all the stuff I was bringing along. Its just like a big BBQ. I finally find my bf, he looks so fucking hot in his uniform I get a boner again and stick with him. Its safer staying close. But I'm all worried for nothing everyones in a good mood and their all just hanging out and making jokes and stuff. Plus I'm really getting hungry, hadnt eat anything all day. I was going to stick with coke or soda but theirs only beer and licor. I'm not touching no licor cos then my bf gets all pissy easy cos he always thinks I get drunk and the next thing is I'm back on drugs again but thats BS cos Ive been clean over 3 years. He drinks some, but I've only seen him drunk like 3 or 4 times or so.

Everyone is just having a good time and then me and my bf crash in my pickup bed in our sleeping bags. I'm still a little nervus deep down cos hes def had a bunch of beers and I'm like thinking when hes asleep some of the other guys might of just come get me later for some fun. I'm trying to get really close to him and his sleeping bag. But nothing happens, everything goes quiet after a while and then I'm gone and I wake up the next morning and nothing happened.

Most everyone else is already up and its nice and warm and the sun is out and their making eggs on the fire and the Mitchell (!!) even makes me a ommelet. Wow this is real nice. later like 11 or noon everyone heads out and us too and we stop back in Dallas to get my bfs Volvo hes left their and go back to his place and shower and clean up.

Then he says hes still not heard from his ex so their prolly still fighting (his ex and the exs bf) and hes still needing to go to the office hes got to go to Monday so he says if I want I could come along. wooho!! ROAD TRIP!! So I call my manager on his cell and leave a message if hes ok with me not working Monday and I only go if he calls back and says its ok. Like 20 mins later he calls and says like go for it and so like 5ish we head out down I45.

This is like totally great!!! I'm sooo happy. Best weekend in a long time. Oh and my bfs Volvo is running just fine. Aint dying or nothing. I can see him twitch everythime the engine jerks but its him but hes not getting it. I'm wondering if I should tell him but then I dont dare really but then I just cant not tell him and the next time he does it I say hes got a nervus gas foot its him and when hes letting off the gas the turbo cuts out like its supposed to and its all normal. Deep down I'm kinda sweating it if the car is gonna die again or not but it aint.

So we're listening to his music and theirs like this totally hot track, like awesome fuck music. Its like over 45 mins and I cant help but I say its awesome for fucking. Hes just grinning and not saying anything. I cant help it but i'm getting a bit antsy and horny cos it like really sounds great. I gess he got it cos he just put his hand over, like casual and of course he felt my boner. OK I had a raging boner cos I was thinking the entire time the track is on how hes gonna fuck me to the sound track. So he just starts jerking me off through my jeans and we're going like at 70 down the freeway. I'm so fucking horned up I keep my hands behind my neck and let him jerk me but it was taking like maybe 5 minutes and I shot a big load ;-) Funny its just a hand job but it's like making me cramp up and I'm cumming and cumming. He's just like pretending nothing much happened.

I'm kinda dozing off and we get to Huntsville and check in some motel, a Days Inn. We're both hungry and theirs a mexican place right next door, this is like right on the access road to I45. Even for Sunday night its totally empty for 8pm and I'm hungry and tired. So hes getting us margaritas and this waiter john is laying the redneck countryboy thing on us, like saying yes sir to everything to him. I was gonna try and order but I see waiter John like all over my bf, like hes gonna fool me, and I cant get one word out right. So my bf says if I'd like the same as him. Hes so good not to make me look stupid when I cant get it out right. It takes like forever to get the food so we go through another turn of the blue margaritas and we talk about that waiter dude. Just for kicks. I saw how the guy was all over my bf but like so like he wasnt but I knew. But my bf says like the way hes wearing his jeans like low and like the countryboy think hes prolly a boring fuck. Not getting laid much so he'd prolly think hes getting some making out and like forever to get to the fuck and then it wont even be good and for 20 hes not even all that hot just like s skinny dude that sucks in bed. Its awesome my bf always sees like all the little things. So in the end he tips the dude like real good and I ask him what the fuck? And my bf says the kid is a poor sucker, not gettin any decent and now hes gonna be disapointed not to get fucked my him my bf so at least he could make his day a little with a big tip and we should both be sad for him. I swear I never ever totally figur my bf out!

So we walk back to the motel and watch some shows of law and order that he likes and i blow him some but then were just like tired from all the driving and late last night ang do sleep

Saturday Afternoon

when he woke me coming back I was still in bed and waking up when he slammed the door. I wasnt like sleeping real deep just dozing and not wanting to get out of bed so he came looking for me and he saw I was still in bed. I knew I had to get up cos he was going south to the ranch to visit his ex and stay till Monday to go to some gov office. But he said his ex called and their having trouble at home, like him and his bf fighting so he shouldnt come and so he got naked and said we could do something else so what. I was still like lazy and feeling nice, but he had a raging boner going so he was wanting to fuck again. I had been thinking some for like something that good like in the morning I was going to have to pay sooner or later but hey its sooo worth it. If it was up to me I was more in a mood to cuddle and not get off the good trip but hey its not about me its about him to get off good.

So he tied my nuts off with some rope and ran it back to the hinge on the door and then got over me and pulled me up till my balls were like TIGHT and yanked back as far as they'd go, and I tried hard not to put up a show. My tong still hurt a little from biting before. Then he put his arm around my neck and locked his other arm so it made like a choke hold and he pulled me up slowly so it tightened the choke and at the same time pulled more on my nuts as he was bending my back up. I thought hes either going to break my back or rip my nuts off but he did it like real slow and as I was trying to get air I felt his boner in my back. Then he let me go and I fell down and was like coughing to catch air and he pulled my ass open some with his hands and rammed his dick in. He just rammed it in and then pushed me up till the rope was really pulling on my balls like crazy and then grabbed my shoulders and started fucking HARD and always pulling me up by my shoulders some, so that every time he rammed it in the rope ripped on my balls! I got so tense from the pain he had to push hard with his dick cos I was clenching my ass, not on purpose just cos it hurt so intense. At first he was really going hard and even though I tried to hold it in and not make a peep, I didnt hold up so good and after just a bit it hurt so bad I started to cry. I figured ok now I got to pay, couldnt have been so good earlier and not having to pay for it. I know this is what really gets him off when he really hurts me. He put his hands under my jaw and pulled me up and he saw I was crying and just from pulling me up backwards it ripped even more on my balls and I couldnt help it I made sort of a shriek. I hated myself for that but their was nothing I could do not to, and I knew from here on he would really let me have it for him to totally get off.

But he didnt, he just held me their like this for a second, like totally still, holding on with the fucking, like we're like totally in suspense. I was sweating like a pig from all the pain, my balls puckered like crazy like having my guts in a tight grip and twirling them around and shooting crazy later messages up my spine saying WERE GETTING FUCKED UP DUDE. Seemed like we're like this forever, just like that, no moves. Of course was for real just short, but thats just how it felt like. And then he keeps me held up like that, and goes like on with the fucking just real slow. It hurts like FUUUUUUCK but it suddenly feels so fucking hot I want him to hurt me like whatever he wants. Seems my head is sweating the most. I was sweating before but now its like I'm like sweating in 130 heat, and its dripping from my hair in my face and running down from my head in my neck and down my back. He keeps fucking me real slow, just harder when hes pushing but just a little, and keeping me like totally bent up and the rope on my balls tight. I feel so OWNED and its like I want to be owned and let him do what-ever! I feel the sweat run everywhere and I feel my tears are still running but it's not like I'm crying or balling anymore I just cant stop the tears running. But I dont want him to stop I know this is really good for him, and he's just keeping me right on the edge where its hurting like fuck but hes not really fucking me over like I KNOW hes wanting to BAD to blow a huge load. But he just keeps going slow, like holding me right their on the edge, and I know if he's pushing me like just alittle more I'm so gonna hurt for at least a week and go berserk but he isnt, just keeping me right their and going and going with the slow fuck. Its like this weird thing it hurts but it feels awesome and I know like ANY second I could be in HELL or blow a load of my LIFE if he just keeps me their on the edge and going like this. Its weird cos I dont want him to let off and I dont want him to gp over the edge and wish he just lets me cum. And then I can still think right then that second if he really lets me cum great and not make me go through PAIN HELL, I am sooooo going to pay the price later, so whats better or worse, now or later? But of course I want to cum awesome now if he lets me and worry about how he is gonna make me pay for it later.

Its really weird what you think sometimes even when your like THIS short of going thru HELL or getting to cum like crazy.

It was like he was keeping me like right on the edge FOREVER till I couldnt stand it anymore and till I couldnt even sweat anymore. And it was like he knew exactly when I was going to cum, cos the second I started cumming all over the place, I mean like I was spreading it all out over the bed, he pushed his dick in my HARD to it felt like my balls were goners and the pain flashed my brain so bad I saw red and yellow stars exploding in my eyes but I was cumming even more and he did too. I could feel it even with the rubber and he was holding me real tight. Then we both just lied their and it felt GREAT!! my balls hurt like fuck but it was a good hurt like slowing down. I had like no power and the bed was like wet from sweat and cum but we both didnt care like it took too much energy to get up. I still had the rope on my balls but it wasnt pulling anymore and I didnt bother to get it off. Kind of felt good actually.

We lied their for a while. I was ready to sleep some more but I didnt, and he didnt say nothing and me not anyways. After a long while he got up and went to shower and then off for some errands. Took me a long time to get some power up to crawl out of bed and shower, cos I was stinking like a skunk. And change the sheets and all that. He stayed away a long time, but I was so worn out I really didnt mind too much. Then I got bored a little and played some games and going online and chatted some and he still wasnt back.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Saturday Morning

I didnt have to work but he did so if he wouldn't kick me out when he had to leave I could sleep in some. I woke up before him and I cuddled up with the pillow and was just looking at him. The sun was coming up, it was still kind of a little dark, like dawn. I was thinking I'm so damn lucky and hes so hot. I was looking at all his tatts and getting really really horny. First I was thinking I just chance it and jerk off but if he wakes up and I get caught that be trouble. I was wanting to touch him, like just touch or massage a little so I wouldnt wake him up but then if he woke up theirs no way telling what was gonna do. Sometimes he likes it and its cool, sometimes he isnt and then he just hits me and I wasnt in a mood for getting hit right their. So I was just diving under the covers and blowing his morning wood and it didnt take no 5 minutes for him to wake up. But it was all cool he just grabbed my neck and let me and I was going easy so he wouldnt like blow his load or anything, just feelgood for waking up. He put his hand from my neck to my ear and pulled me up, not like when he jerks me just pulled me up and he said if I was looking to get fucked or what? I didnt think I should say YEAH!! cos when I want he never does it but he wasnt like that this morning, just kinda grinning and saying if I still had any brains he could fuck out. I sort of got excited when he's like that its def not gonna be bad so I plopped back and spread my legs wide cos I figured he would go and smash my balls some to get real horned up to fuck but he didnt. He just played with them some to make me flinch some and then he grabbed them in like a tight grip and squeezed but in a good way so that it hurt, and I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed and he let me. It felt so hot to feel his muscles. The more I was squeezing him, the more he was going for it on my balls. I KNOW how it is working for him to hurt balls and I was so fucking horny I wanted like a real good fuck if i could like make that happen. So I like swore I wouldnt make no sound and I bit my tong so hard it tasted a little like blood and squeezed the fucking hell out of his shoulder and he did the same to my balls, like more. And twisting around and arching up some and not making a PEEP he was pushing his leg under my ass everytime I was bending up some. Till I was like lying over his leg and when I looked up my dick was raging hard sticking out like a flag pole hehe. Then he let go of my balls and I was breathing hard for a sec, cos biting my tong and holding my breath not to make a peep I had to get some air. Then he like rolled me off and over from his leg on my stomach. I was like have buried in the warm pillow and it was kinda cozy and the pain from my balls was like rolling up my belly, and it hurt a little to lie on my boner so I pushed up my ass a little to make some room. I heard him rip the plastic cover for the rubber (trust me I can hear that from 20 feet away hehe) and got over me, grabbed my wrists, and I could feel his dick getting in position at my hole. Its only like a couple seconds but that is SOOO hot like just before he is tearing me up and it's still like making me shake and all. And then he rammed it in all the way like he always does. I dont like it anyways when I'm with a guy and he messes around forever like 1 or 2 fingers to losen me up or crap, get to fucking FUCK! He's not like that at ALL, he wants it to hurt and fuck me like a bitch! And after all the times hes fucked me its still the same it makes me go all tense and it hurts but like in a really really good way. I wish I kept track of like how often hes fucked me it's got to be like 800 or 900 times or so, like about 2 years with 365 days and 3 times a day ballparkish. But ever since I had got this score going with this guy years ago and we were both like in this guys stable and working for him and he caught us doing the score thing, and totally went off the deep end like we were trying to get him in trouble and made us pay for every single mark of every single fuck we did, I wouldn't even think of keeping score anymore. We didnt even think nothing of it we just kept score you got fucked more. Anyways. I got fucked soooo good, he rammed in and pulled back slow and was going on and on and on till I was like squealing it felt so fucking awesome it was like I couldnt take it any longer or lose my mind!!! Like the time when he wrote my name on my arm in like big letters so I would remember my name after he fucked my brains out and I thought he was kidding but later I was so out of it when he was done I was glad he did it. He's go so cool ideas sometimes ;-)

When he got me squealing he said thats what LUST is and he was starting to talk foreign and I knew we're going for the finish line. He didnt let go of my wrists the entire time and he started fucking so hard it was getting like rape and my stomach started feeling funny like when your starting to feel sick but I totally didnt care. I wanted to cum soo bad but I didnt want to til he did but it was like he was in control and then I couldnt hold out any longer and I started cumming and cumming like I couldnt stop and then he did and he was making like this roar what he does when hes really cumming good. The for a moment it was like I was totally limp and just hanging with my ass on his dick like on a hook. I had like way no power in me left, like NO energy, totally pumped out.

He had to get going, like in a rush not to be late, and i was afraid he was gonna kick me out cos I forgot he was gonna go visit his ex the weekend but he was still like grinning from one ear to the other and saying he had to come back first after work anyways at noon so if I wanted I could hang around till then. If I wanted??? I would of have begged him too!! After he was gone I just stayed in bed, I didnt even have the energy to get up and I didnt really want to anyways. The bed smells like him so nice and I felt so GREAT and I was like fading out in like 10 mins after he was gone till he got back and woke me at like 2ish.

Saturday early, like in the middle of the night

catching up again. Its Tuesday late and I'm tired but I'll do my best. I try to write sooner so I wont forget nothing but theirs so little time. The weekend was so awesome thou I have to write it all up.

Friday nite I finally went to bed and he was still working on something. I was soo ready to crash I didnt want to hang around longer sometimes he works so late anyway. So I crashed and I was DEAD asleep, I mean I was gone! I woke up cos I sort of had a nightmare, I get those sometimes. i was dreaming about the foster dad in the family I was with when I was 15, he would come int he middle of the night when everyone was sleeping like 3am to fuck my ass and he wouldnt wake me first. Always when I woke up he was already humping me. Back then I always had real nightmares even if he didnt came, cos I was scared to go asleep. Lucky I wasnt their too long, cos I got in real trouble and had to go back to jive a couple months so that was over.

Anyways I wasnt really having a nightmare like I thought, it was my bf. He came to bed and he was horny so he just started fucking me and I was waking up and just for a couple moments I thought I was 15 and same all over again and I kind of got a little panic but then I woke up some more and clicked that it was him and it was ok. Didnt take too long he just wanted to get off and I didnt like really totally wake up and it felt good he good off good and then after he put his arm around me and he went to sleep and me too. Felt real good.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

His Jeans


I forgot, he took the pic I've been wanting, his jeans. Guess he does feel a little bad so he did something special for me

Wish jeans would stack up this good with me on my legs. I get a boner just looking at his 501's but its better if I wear them hehe

Friday, February 8, 2008

So, today, Friday

He woke me up for the second time and says if I don't have the doc appointment today and I'm late. I don't want to get up, I'm WORN OUT. But I dont need to get hit now so I somehow get up and out and to the bathroom. I am fucking late, I got to hurry. I feel sick and in the bathroom I go down before the pot and want it to get over with but all that comes out is some green stuff and just stings my throat. The shower I turn on the hot only, it burns like hell but it helps some. After a couple minutes I have to turn on a little cold or I get really burned. I dont know, sometimes I like hurting myself a little. My legs are still kind of wobbly and my ass hurts like hell. Its hard to stand up straight cos my balls feel like their handing from barb wire and every little move I make makes them spin. The hot water helps with my muscles tho, and I dont feel so sore when I get out. But I got to hurry I cant be late.

On the way my truck is acting up some. My truck is really cool and I put a lot of work in it but some days she is like she doesnt want to go and the carbs spit back. After 2 miles or so shes running ok tho. I really dont need her fighting me today.

I make it like 1 minute in time for the doc. Its like one of the worst things, it always shakes me when I have to go for checks and all the blood test, cos it reminds me being poz. The cute guy he has for the front desk gave me this weird look when I check in. He's such a fag, you know the type who is like dressed up and all faggy like a girl. I bet the doc nails him or he wouldnt have the job. Way back when I was a junkie he used to nail me all the time and he's one kinky motherfucker. In the office hes putting up this act of like being the good doc and tells me not to mess around and how I'm doing and all that crap, like he's a diff person. But since I found out I'm poz be's being real nice to me, and safe from him wanting nothing from me anymore. When I get in, he says I look like shit what the hell have I been doing. At least he says it like he means it and not like being a smart ass. Sometimes it helps I studder so I dont even have to try anything stupid to give him some lame story.

Today I just want it to get over with, and after hes done with pulling all the blood and everything he finally lets me go. No I just have to wait till next Friday to see if anything changed since last time and if I have to go on meds or something. I so hope I dont. The waiting a week sucks. Why can't they do this faster??

After I'm done I stop at McD's and pig out. I like never do that anymore but it's like only after I've been to the doc I do it for protest, like I'm really showing him. I know its bullshit cos he wont even know, but hey. Today I didnt even get finished half with the burger and maybe 4 fries and I feel I'm really going to be sick. I almost didnt make it to the pot at McD and I lose it hard, like almost splatters. Sorry this is a bit gross. Weird but I feel a lot better, just so weak. I wish I cold have another hot shower right now.

More or less I drag myself back out to my truck, its still hard to stand and walk, cos of my balls. My manager knows I'm at the doc, so I'm not really in no hurry to get to work and sit in my truck for a long while till I feel a little better.

Just before lunch I get their and my manager runs into me in the parking lot and gives me this look. Back when I started the job almost 5 years ago and was always late and missed work a lot cos I was so hi all the time, he kinda helped me out a lot and didn't fire me. If I was him, I would have fired me, a LOT! But he didnt. Toda he gave me this look again like ohoh somethings wrong whatsup, but he didnt say nothing, only that I looked like I was ready for lunch and if I wanted to go with him, was lunch time anyways. I can't really say no, its not like a lot that he asks, maybe every other month once. It's nice tho, we went to this diner and it smelled really good in their and I was really hungry and didnt feel like I was going to feel sick again. And he's like all nice, like this fatherly kind of attitude, if I'm allright and how the doc stuff went, all that. I bet he noticed I had a little trouble walking and all, but he didnt say anything, and I just said I got sick a little last night and all is ok. Seemed like he bought it.

Back at work I got kind of lucky. Shane got in a fight with someone when I was still at the docs, and everyone was like tense and just doing their own shit. My manager didnt say anything about it earlier at lunch, but after I got back it seemed like it was a big thing. Anyway so nobody bothered me and it was kind of slow, so I didnt have to hurry and deal with the pain from my balls slow. Cody said something about me when he came by once, if I got together with that married woman again and if she used me up or what. I didnt say anything. Thats a thing I made up once when they guys were bugging the hell out of me about a black eye and me hurting really bad, and I can't always tell them I got jumped or got in a fight, I dont have the kind of badass attitude to pull it off so they believe it. So I came up with this married woman, and I said she's like older and into real kinky stuff but like a real hot bitch to fuck. I cant believe they buy this crap but it works and they never even think I take it up the ass and like it. Breeders can really be that dumb. I bet Cody doesnt even know what kinky is, hehe. He's got 3 kids so he and his wife must of had sex somehow. Like Shane, tho, I bet he knows all about kink and I can think he likes pain stuff too but no crazy bitch would be with him for too long. He goes thru girlfriends fast, but I can think half of them he makes up. The other ones are real and I bet he drags them to work just to show off. He's something else.

After work I drove right over to my bfs house. He didnt call me first and I didnt call him but he came like 5 minutes after I got their, and he wasnt surprised. Like hes ever surprised by anything. I wanted him to see how I was still hurting, and I guess he felt a little bad for me. He took me out for dinner, and it was NICE. Most times I love being out with him, cos it makes me feel good for people to see what a hot guy I have. Of course they dont know anything, just 2 guys out to eat. But I dont care. Today it also felt like i could show off how much I suffer for him and how much I'm his bitch. Is stupid cos nobody knows but it makes me feel good. He said he quit his cover job today, got too annoying, and hes starting another one at a diff place and they even pay him more. LOL he is a piece of work... he said it like he told he changed shirts today. Just like that.

Back at his place hes been working all evening on something hacking away at his techie stuff. I felt bad for not doing my blog, cos I was wanting to keep it up but this week was just kind of crazy. I a about ready to crash, feel like I've been put thru the hoops. He is prolly gonna work late, I dont mind I can sleep some.

THURSDAY!!!

Thursday started really good. I was late 5 minutes for work but as I got in, the manager was ripping Shane a second one, and like so everyone saw it. I missed the first part but I guess he pissed off some customer and the customer came back at opening and fucked with the manager and now Shane got it. Serves him right. At least till noon Shane is gonna steam by himself and someone's gonna get it later on when he blows.

Then his one lady comes and she always wants me to work on her car so thats all good and she always tips me like $20 when my manager isnt looking. I can't figure her out but whatever, nobody else ever gives me a 20 just like that.

At lunch I dont even go eat, just lie on my truck and when my bf calls like I thought he would, I tell him I didnt even go to lunch and he says good and see you later and hangs up. So I'm good to go after work tonight, and if hes planning something, I am sooo gonna get fucked, only theirs prolly a high price I got to pay. but hey, whatever. SO I'm like in a really good mood for the rest of the day, and even when Shane finally cracked and vented off, didnt get to me at all. He was about to go after the new guy but just then the manager walked in the back and he kicked the wall instead and really hurt himself. He can be a real ass but also real stupid sometimes.

So after work I shower real good and get clean in and out and lose no time to go to my bf's house. He's already home so I dont have to wait for him, and I can tell he's so def horny :-) At home he always just wears sweat pants or his adidas trainers and never a shirt unless its like really cold and I can see his boner going already. So I already know he's got something planned out, nothing much that can go wrong now. Finally ... I havent got a fuck Monday, Tuesday, AND Wednesday.

But he's all nice, he isnt just jumping me and beating the crap out of me or anything. Hes giving me a bottle of water and says to drink it and we go smoke a little on the patio and hes just asking how my day was and all. I'm getting a little suspicius, what the heck is he up to now? Thats the hot thing about him, hes tuff and always up to no good but like even after almost 2 years I can never tell with him whats gonna happen next. Hes like always toying with me. God, when we're just standing around like this and I look at him, I get weak knees. He has like so no idea how much I am in love with him and how much I crave him using me and doing whatever that gets him off. And he always likes plays it cool like I'm just some shithead fucker he is using when hes like feeling like it, or be nice to when hes in the mood, or beat the fuck up if hes in a real crappy mood. But like if I was gone it wouldn't matter for him. Always breaks my heart even tho I know its not like that and he's just doing his attitude thing but it still hurts like fuck. And that hurt is a lot lot worse then the worst pain he makes me suffer thru beating me up and punching my balls or whatever.

Anyway so we just hang out in the patio and I finally finish the water and he goes back in and I after him, and he heads back to the bedroom and like asks me if I need to go piss or anything. I do just in case. Hes already waiting for me when I get to the bedroom and has this grin but his eyes are like cold. Ice cold. I'm looking around a little but like so it doesn't look like I'm looking around to see if hes got anything out and I def have the feeling I'm gonna get hurt, and BAD. Then he says hey I'm in a really kinky mood and I want to try something and he makes it sound like hes telling me I have a way out. That makes me like really nauseus, cos I know this is not a good sign. And when he says it like that its like hes having like a little of a bad consciense but he knows and I knows theirs no way I can back out anyways and I don't want to anyways cos I know hes not gonna like it if he doesnt get to do whatever he's got planned. But when hes like that I get the chills and scared. Every time he gets like one of his really sadistic streaks, it gets me the best fucks in the end, ever, but its like I got to pay such a high price its always like I ask myself if its worth it. So I stand their like a dumbass and I'm scared about what the price is gonna be this time but he is set to go and doesnt want to mess around so he tells me to strip. I do, and not like normal when I rip my shit off when he tells me to get naked, I got like the butterflies going in my stomach and my guts all cramped up and its like my balls already start hurting a little, like they know also whats coming to them. And when I'm all naked and stand up, he looks down at my dick and grins some more, cos its like my dick knows this is not gonna be fun for a long time and is not wanting to be a boner. And he tips me a little so I lie down on the bed and I do, on my back and spread my legs. I figure he's going to want me to spread them to take a bunch of ball punchs like he loves it most. But he isnt and takes his sweet ass time to tie me up, arms and legs spred to the corners and real tight so I cant move much. Now I know this is going to be really bad, cos he rarely takes time like this, even tho I really like to get tied up, for him its mostly like too much trouble, maybe cuffs cos their quick and easy. So then he's got me all tied up and looks at me and I get a little panicky but of course I try not to show it and try to work up a boner but no chance. I know him too good, this is gonna be bad, and not in a fun way bad. I just wonder what he is up to, punching my balls even the crazy times, for that he wouldn't tie me up like this, just cuff my hands to the chain and padlock around my neck or so, so I cant try to protect my balls when I break down. This is gonna be different, and for sure not easier.

And then he gets some duct tape and first puts a strip over my mouth and then wraps 2 layers over it and around my head. I'm getting really shitscared now cos this is like rare. I think its only been 2 times in almost 2 years hes done that, so he's thinking I'm gonna try to scream the place down. Oh-oh. OK now I know I am FUCKED and its like its coming over me that he is going to really really hurt me bad and its also coming over me it means I get my brains fucked out, and FOR SURE!! This crazy stuff always turns him on like nothing else and when hes turned on like nothing else he isnt fucking, he's raping. Theirs two GOOD ways he fucks: when hes turned on like crazy, and when hes wanting it to be good for me, and then he fucks like GOD. I got fucked by a lot of guys in my life but nobody fucks like him when hes wanting it to be good. I kind of live for those fucks, and the ones in between are like the buildup to the next. But for both ways I have to pay for it, and a lot. Hes either gonna hurt me really bad or hes having a real bad consciense to make up for when hes thinking he was like really to mean to me.

So I know I'm sooo FUCKED and I know I'm gonna get one of his God fucks later for it, and so even tho I'm scared shitless, I spring a boner like bang! I know its kind of weird I get so scared, cos I get off on pain and all, but even tho I dig the pain and the way it feels, I'm not like some superhero and it fucking hurts, a lot. And he knows really mean ways to make it hurt, and he never stops cos he gets off on it the more it really gets to me.

Hes got me all tied up and ducttaped and looks me over and grins and then he makes a fist and shows it to me and slams it just once in my balls. Stings, hard, but one I can take and not make a wimp. And then he goes and gets those 2 old german army field telephones from like 1962 he got shipped like 2 weeks ago. I was wondering why he got those, I figured make for some stuff in the group next time we're out for some field trip or something. I didnt really think much about it but it kinda dawns on me now what their for. He puts wires on the 2 poles of one of them and the other end is like blank with no insulation and he is wrapping each end around one of my nuts and then puts more duct tape around each ball, like if for insulation so the 2 wires wont touch. Then he just grins again and says here's like a bit of training on field phones. They work just by picking up the receiver, cos they have batteries in them. And he picks up the receiver of the one hes hooked up to my balls, and I jump like 10 inches up with my ass: theirs a lot of juice in that thing!!! Wow that was a jolt, and it cuts my breath for a second. Its kind of hard to breath thru the nose anyways, cos my mouth is taped shut like really good. The he says but if you just lift the receiver, the other end doesnt know someones on the line so you got to ring them, and he lifts the phone some so I can see better and theirs this handle on the side to fold out, and he says one just needs to crank it and it makes the other phone ring.

And so he cranks it a little and I go totally BESERK!!! I'be had tons of electro on my nuts, hes even used a stungun on my balls before but this is nothing like it. Its like they turn cold metal and get in a grinder and the balls shoot out flash pain that I can feel in my fingers and it makes my mouth taste like metal, like when you hold a battery to your tong. I cant believe he's gonna use this stuff on me, and he hasnt even started really.

So he is getting started to work that crank and since I can see the clock on the side of the bed, its only been like 10 mins after he got going to when he stops for now. It feels like its been an hour and im wet with sweat, almost chewd through the ducttape, crying and in my mind begging him to no go again, I mean he must be really horny by now.. but I know him a lot better then that he would never let me get off this easy. And of course he didnt. THIS is the kind of stuff that gets him really off and he sometimes says I should he glad he isnt in that mood like every other day.

After like over 3 more hours I guess his arm got lame from the cranking, cos he pulled the wires out of that thing. Not that I cared about nothing anymore I was out of my fucking mind. This bad I haven't hurt in a loooong time, I'm a fucking mess and like way beyond anything where them endorphens could do anything for me. Absolutely everything is hurting in my body, my balls the worst of course and everything their attached to, but all my muscles and stuff too from the jerking around like crazy and flopping from the pain. The last 2 hours Ive only been wishing to pass out so it was over but he'd always go a little slower like he could tell when I was close to goin out. I'm like worn and a mess, if he'd stomped my balls I bet I wouldnt even have flinched anymore, their was like no power left in me for whatever. I heard this pinging noise in my ears, like sonar and like in sync with the pain in a pulse from my balls. And I wanted to cry or wail just cos it would feel like letting some of the pain out somehow but I just couldnt, I couldnt like even move. God he knows how to fuck me over really good. So then he untied me and ripped the tape off but I lie their like the same cos I couldnt even move and he sits on my belly and slaps me in the face so I pay attention, And he says good little motherfucker you still have half a boner going and grins. I couldnt even feel my dick and I couldnt think I would have anything but only a shriveld dick. And he slides up some till hes sitting on my chest, and I dont even have the power to breth against him, he is like pressing my chest down. And I stare right at his dick in front of my face. I know his dick in and out and I can tell when he is hard and when he is REALLY hard. Now it is really hard and I still think even then it is so fucking hot that even tho he is so hard and turned on his skin still goes over the head (cos hes uncut). So now I'm getting what I had to earn so fucking hard, and I hope I'm not gonna pass out. I know this sounds like real stupid, first I want to pass out and then I don't. I guess I cant make up my mind.

He wants me to turn over cos he likes it doggy the most and he said once he likes it cos its more humiliating for the guys thats getting fucked. It's hot but I like to see him when he fucks me but of course I could never tell him that plus it's not so much his thing. I can't move really, I tried to get up but I couldnt even get my shoulder off higher then maybe an inch and flop back down. But hes now more then good and ready to get off so he dont bother much and just lifts me up. Sucks he's got to take the sec to put the rubber on. This is when I hate it so much that Ive been such a slut and a junkie and got poz. I WISH he didnt have to wear the rubbers and do me for real but of course thats over for my life. Anyway he rams it in and hits me with another knuckle punch in the balls that make me arch up to him even tho a second ago I couldnt even get my shoulder off the futon. I think it wasnt even 2 minutes or so till my boner was bang on and I was riding into fuck heaven again. He's like so awesome when he wants. He kept hitting me in the nuts hard when he was thinking I felt too good but that couldnt stop me anymore. Its what I had to suffer for so bad for so long all evening and after I get so FUCKED UP I want my brains fucked out to no end. This is better then any trip Ive ever been on, and its like after i got hurt so much and he rams his dick in, its like he's flipping my switch inside to "on" and get like a HUGE dose of the endorphens and whatever else. This time was weird cos I was so worn out and exhausted I couldnt even like groan or anything, it was like I was a puppet getting stuck on a stick and shake, and I was like in an ocean and go under all the time till he hit me hard in the balls again and I got to the surface again, and then go under again and so on. But going under felt like really really good. The last thing I remember was I came like crazy and the first shot made like a splash on the wall behind my head.

I woke up and it was still dark and I wanted to look at the clock to see how late it was. Ok this is Friday morning and not really part of the Thursday blog but still, kind of belongs here. You have no idea how hard it was to turn my head and look, I had like NO energy, nothing, and no power. It was just 3:55 am and my bf was sleeping tight. I was like checking all my parts but pretty much everything just hurt and I couldnt move much and didnt really want to anyway. Just closed my eyes and was gone.

Ok the rest goes in the Friday blog, but I got to take a break and smoke and check what my bf is up to. He's been hacking like crazy on 2 of his computers, the ones I'm not allowed to touch. He's got like all these monitors set up around himself when hes working at home, looks like Startrek a little. How can you look at 2 monitors at the same time, or even 6? Anyways, I'll type up the Friday blog next and then I'm up to speed again

Catching up on Wednesday

Ok. So i didnt get to write something all week so I'm catching up. Wow its like this all just comes out I wish I could talk like this. Yeah well. I'm wondering tho if he ever reads this im gonna be in a world of trouble or he lets me slide. I'm real curious what he thinks but also way scared to tell him. Some day he is gonna find out tho. But its also like I cant stop. And maybe a little so I leave something when I die from the aids when I get it. With the HIV its like I have a noose around my neck and I can drop any second and its over. Most days I dont think about it just every time in the days before I have to go to a checkup again its coming back and like hard. But that was today, on Friday, and I'm still writing for Wednesday.

So Wednesday morning I wake up cos I get cold and when I open my eyes its cos he pulled the blanket away and when I open my eyes he hits me in the balls, like with a total nasty suckerpunch. He LOVES it when he gets me cold like when I'm not thinking he would and I know him so most times I watch out like fuck. Gets me good and I curl up and hold my balls and try not to be so wimpy but then I think it turns him on so finally I get fucked. But nooooo he just gets up and grins and goes to set coffee. Fuck. Then he comes back and holds my T from last night and says seems like today I HAVE to wear one of his and hes ok with it. And tells me to get up and dressed and to get lost. Hes like so cold some days. I'm at work like 1 hour early and in a really crappy mood. The manager is late so everyones their waiting and Shane tries to chat me up some but I'm in no fucking mood and get snappy with him. He's getting ticked off some but then just before I get on his shit list for the day the new guy shows up, like just before the manager and Shane gets all set to make his day miserable and I'm scott-free. Isnt helping my mood tho, and its good I work by myself or someone gets the brunt of my crap. But theirs a lot of customers today so I got busy and the day goes by fast. Shane is on the new guy all day, if he keeps it up to the rest of the week the guy is gonna quit. After lunch it almost looked like he was gonna cry. What a wimp. Just takes the next guy to get on Shane's shit list and he wont have nothing to worry about. Shane can be a total ass tho.

At lunch I go early and by myself. Im feeling crappy and unhappy but i'm hungry and wednesdays they have a special for spagetti. Just $2.99 and its reall not bad or anything. I'm almost done, like just dipping the soce with the bread and my bf calls and says hey dont eat anything today. I know why, hes in the mood to go a little crazy tonight and doesnt want me to throw up. He doesnt even have to say it. I'm thinking should I say I already had the spagetti or should I say ok and just go and make myself throw up right now but then lying is the worst with him and before I can try saying anything theirs this call for number whatever and he knows where I'm at and just says too late huh? So he says we do it tomorrow and thats hes got something to do anyways and hangs up. FUCK. I never do anything right. Now he doesnt even want me to come over tonight. Totally wasnt helping with my mood, I was PISSED OFF at myself. And everyone else. Lucky I dont have much to do with the customers, and I'm just doing my shit and slamming stuff around and just before quitting time I hurt my arm on one of the lift just being mad and stupid. Helped me calm down some tho.

So after work I got my laundry and went to the coin wash place. Only people that dont speak english, only 1 other white guy their and lots of fat womens and little kids but I got to grind it out. I'm like super ticked off but after I got all my stuff done and I'm out of the place I got that behind me at least and I feel better. I was going to go eat something but I feel guilty about eating lunch before my normal lunch time when he called and its like I can punish myself by not eating anything. I was tired anyways so after getting home I went right to sleep. And glad another stupid fucking day without him is over.

Week Update, this is like for Tuesday

Now its Friday again and I havent written anything all week since Monday. Didnt have no time. Tuesday was like slow and the manager was like griping at everybody cos he didnt get no money in. He was in a shitty mood all day so every one else got kinda pissy too. Shane got in a pissing thing with the new guy and later when the manager was gone for a bit to bitch at someone else Shane punched the guy up some and later tripped him so he fell flat on some grease puddle. Sucks for him to be on Shane's shit list. I dont even know what it was all about. Shanes really not a bad guy but he can be a fucking ass if hes in his sicko mode. Better to watch out and stay away from him. I didnt have much to do all day anyway so I was like thinking what to do after work. If I should just go over to my bf's house or call him or if he maybe calls me or whatever. He didnt call tho and after work I showered real good and clean and went over. He wasnt their and I waited like almost an hour till he showed up. He was OK tho, I think he likes it when I just sit and sit their outside and wait for him, like whenever he comes even if its like really late. He was saying I didnt show up yesterday so if I was thinking today wouldnt be hurting less or what? I dunno what to say anyways so I didn't but I think he wasnt really wanting an anser. So I was figuring ok I get what I missed yesterday and he was gonna make it really painful but that was totally ok with me I had a boner anyways the moment I saw him. He looks so fucking hot in his jeans. I have to ask him for a picture sometime just of the legs how they stack. Looks better on him, on me it never works so good.

But he wasnt just gonna do me like that and plus he got some food, but just for himself, I guess he didnt think I would show or what, cos I didnt call. He gets a lot of chinese food and always with the chopstick i dont like but this time he fed me, like one for him and one for me kinda. I totally like it when hes nice like that. Except for I was so fucking horny, I'd rather had him do something else. Yeah well. So when the food was gone he said he needs a little nappy, long day and all but at least he lets me lie next to him. Of course I strip first and I have a boner like THAT but he's like ignoring it till I'm next to him. He grabs my balls like he always does but more like he holds then and nothing else, and hes like really going to nap. After like 5 minutes or so he says if my boner isnt going down and I wont let him sleep hes gonna make it go away. Like that's helping, my boner only got even stiffer, cos I know whats coming. Since he lying behind me like always, like we're both sideways, he lets go of my balls and gets them again only this time from behind between my legs and puts his other arms around my neck and starts pulling tight so I cant get no air. And then he's like working my balls, squeeze like hes wanting them to go mush and pulling like hes trying to rip them off. Hes doing it like always, like a machine that has like zero feelings and no mercy. I hate it when hes like that and I LOVE it cos hes is doing it like he doesnt care how I feel, only what he likes. He knows me waaay too good whats going on inside me and whats good for me. I can't even scream, I cant even get air. It HURTS, all i can do is like flop around and jerk like crazy, half next to him and half on top. Feeling the cho mein come up, cos my balls feel like their nit to my guts inside and making my stomach go in a spin. Like always he isnt stopping til I am almost out from no air and so much pain and I'm waiting for the endorphens to kick in but its not really coming. Then he quits for like a couple seconds and lets me get some air and im like coughing and crying and cent even see the light on the desk across the room good, cos of all the tears. He lets go of my balls and feels for my boner and I still got it going, hehe. Hes saying in my ear you little horny fucker but its not like hes mad I know he likes it I get off on serious nut pain and hes like just pretending like hes mad I didnt go limp. Hes still got me around my neck and I'm stil trying to get air so my mouth is wide open and he puts 2 fingers in like hes getting some spit for lube but my mouth is like all dry. So he turns me over some so I'm like half under him, and spits in his hand and rolls back and puts it like on my dick head and just plays some. And he jacks me, nut just like 2 or 3 times a little. This is def not working to make my boner go away. I can feel his in my back. I'm game for whatever only with him I neve rknow whats next. He could just be jacking me off, or put me in pain HELL just for kicks or he could choke me out all the way and be fucking my ass when I come around.. I cant just ever know. Only hes got a boner so whatever it is I'm gonna get off. And he will too, cos he wont just get worked up and not get off. I just want it to be really good for him. So he lets his hand just slide down and grabs my balls again and when hes got them tight so I try to inhale like deep and go all tense, he says like 'fine then, jerk off and maybe I can finally get my nap and I'm not stopping till you cum, so get it over with' and turns back so I'm lying on top of him, and he pulls my head back and chokes me again so my head is like next to his, totally bent back. I know he does that so when I jerk around from the pain I'm not banging my head into his. And he's letting my balls have it, a lot worse then before, like hes really for real trying to mush them or rip them off or both, like whatever comes first. Just for panic my left hand is gripping his left wrist but its not like I can make him let go of my balls or nothing but something I can hold onto, plus its hot to feel his muscles that control my balls. With my right hand I'm jerking like crazy but its hard cos with my nutsack and balls hes pulling all the skin down. I want to cum and fast before one of my balls pops or ripps. Its not working just hurting crazy, till I get over the hump where the endorphens finally kick in and I dont fucking care what happens and just dont want him to stop and just FUCK ME UP!!! But like most times its not taking long after getting over the hump and I shoot a big load all over me and some gets on him, cos I can feel him spit some like it got in his face. He is not stopping tho like he said but I knew that. After shooting my cum hes just tensing up his arm around my neck and I know he knows I'm gonna try real screaming in a second and he does that so I wont. And he squeezs my balls like he wants all the last bits of cum to get out and with them all empty it hurts like godmotherfuckingalot and I go beserk. He is just pushing me sideways and we roll off the couch and hes on me with all his weight and all I can do is flop some with my arms and legs and hope its over soon. After I cum its like POFF the endorphens are like gone and it just really fucking hurts and its like just for kicks hes doing double of whats hit and fun. And he soooo knows when its no fun anymore but thats when it gets real good for him. Most times its totally worth it, if it makes him get off really good and some of the fucks then are like real totally awesome. Finally he lets go of my balls and lets me breathe and I can feel HIS boner between my ass checks and on my back, I'm like sobbing and trying to catch air, and I feel like Ive been had and a floor mat, nothing more then a piece of meat to use like he wants to. Hes just moving some, his dick like forward and backwards in my ass crack and I'm like thinking PLEASE fuck me now, good and as hard as you can. But he doesnt, like he's gessed it and wont do it just cos I want him to. So he just fucks my crack till he blows all over my back and thenhe kinda sits up some and says what a fucking mess and gives me headnuckle. And he takes MY tshirt from the chair and wipes my back.

OK so I cant wear that to work tomorrow and I have to use one of his. I totally love wearing his stuff but he hates it so I already know I can grab one of his and if he thinks about it get racked so I'm hurting all day or put my T on with cum on it and someone is gonna say something stupid. I know hes doing it on purpose.

So then hes going back up on the couch and pulls me up to by my ear, and we're like exactly before he started and hes getting his nap and I feel sick and like shit, and try not to puke and not moving around so I wont keep him from napping. Oh god I love him! I feel him fall asleep and he feels so relaxed and his brething is like happy. His left arm is over me, and it feels heavy but thats only cos i'm about to get sick but I dont want to. Its so awesome to feel him next to me, and his arm over me is like it feels protective and also like at the same time like posessive. I feel happy and good in some way but I keep starting to think if I had put up a little fight like he likes it so much maybe I could have made him hurt me a lot worse and got fucked. I'm like thinking I did something wrong, and I wasnt good enough again. Or I chickened out again just like when it really was hurting so bad. Like I deserve it not to get fucked if I didnt do it good enough for him to make him want to rape my ass. I keep thinking he does what he wants anyway and most times he tells me when he really wants me to do something so whatever.

I must have of fell asleep, cos I woke up when he pushed me off on the floor. It was like already 2 in the morning and he's moving on to bed, so I get up and go after him. I'm feeling sick still, my balls got my stomach in a vise grip, but its not anymore like I'm gonna throw up any sec more like I got punched in the guts for 3 hours and no breaks. Hes already under the blanket and its looking like hes gonna go sleep. No good night fuck like always? what did I do wrong today?? So I slip in too and he turns around and says you want a fuck huh? Of course I want to say YES PLEASE but then he's not doing it for sure or he does it so I am DEF!! not gonna like it and if I say no or not really or something, he might fuck me over really bad so I cant go work tomorrow or he might say ok and just sleep. Its like I never know, damn if i say one thing and damn if I say the other. Hes not waiting for what I say anyways and just grabbing my neck down to blow him. Goes fast and hes asleep right after. I feel still real sick so for today its ok by me and I cuddle up after hes really asleep. He seems happy and thats what counts.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Darn

I should have gone. Now I'm here in my small place and lonely and horny. I could have gotten off good, screw it if he wanted to edge it. I've taken it sooo many times before when I didn't feel like it and was their anyways. Wish he would give me no option just tell me to come over after work. He's not answering his phone maybe he's sleeping. Hope he didn't get himself someone else. No I don't think so he didnt sound like it earlier. I know him pretty good by now and I think I can tell, If I had got the vibe he was wanting to I'd been sooooo over their just in case. This all wouldn't be happening if he'd just let me move in!! Then I'd be their anyways rain or shine. I should just go anyways even when he tells me to stay away. So what if hes coming home real late or what, doesnt matter much if I hang around here all by myself or wait in the truck at his house.

Boring Day

For a Monday it was real slow at work today... boring. Sat around on my ass most of the day. At lunch me and some of the guys drove over to this big tasco place. Was fun, like 9 of us piling in Greg's old Suburban. Most days I go grab a sandwich or somethin and catnap half an hour in my truck.

Called my bf to see if I could come over after work. A lot of times I just go and wait for him to get home but when I'm like tired or cold I call, been waiting so many times for hours near his place till he got home late. He said yeah if I want but he's in the mood for something thats really gonna hurt so it's up to me if I want or not. He didn't sound like he really wanted me over tonight and I'm still hurting from yesterday and was real tired anyways so I went to my place and like went to sleep a little. I'm always so way behind on sleep. Am kind of glad I could chose to go or not I need a break evryonce in a wile. Tomorrow is another day.

So theirs not really much to tell today. Got nice and warm tho most of the day.

Friday I need to go to my checkup at the doc's again. T-cell counts and all that. Hope he's just gonna say its all good still. Glad when thats over again.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

My BF's ex-ex

I guess I'm not that good at this blog cos I'm forgetting stuff. I was gonna write some about that ex-ex of my bf, the guy on the ranch. I'm like real curious about them. Thats the ex and the guys bf. I know I'm not gonna get to go along. My bf doesnt really say like exactly why, but from what I got, it's like he feels his ex got to say OK or fail to whoever hes bringing their.

Now I don't know if hes not wanting to get a bad signal for like ME or if he wouldn't bring me anyways cos then he'd have to say I'm poz, I cant speak right (like that the guy would figure out easy), maybe not say what all I did before. From what I hear the ex is like my bf, like this righteous thing, like its their way or no way, all us Americans are dumb stupid fucks, you know. But he, thats my bf now, he says his ex is more texan like people born here and I've seen pics and both the guys are like FAT!!!! and they look like country folk. If he hadnt told me I'd think their just normal people like every other redneck I know. But he and his ex they talk a lot on the phone, and like their real close like good friends still. They split up like years ago, many years. All the other ex's of my bf arent like that, most he kinda hates. Except one thats driving me crazy.

I think foreigners are like totally different. I LOVE mine but it's not like I understand him a lot. All the guys I always know, that are gay I mean, they get with a guy, fuck him a while and that it and they dump him and get the next guy. They just call it boyfriends and breakup, cos it sounds nicer. Or you just get to hook up a couple times, bend over as long as its good for the other guy and then its just over and they wont even tell you. OK for me its always been a bit different cos I'm just a fuckup but thats sort of how it goes.

My boyfriend is like totally different from anybody I know. OK some things I've always heard about some foreigners are like totally true. Like he's totally into kink and into ruff. He can't even get a boner for some vanilla stuff. Deep down their all nazis but they get all real mad if you say it. Like this: so he likes to watch all kinds of stuff about WWII but then he goes on and on and on how bad they were and thats its so unfair that everyone thinks of them just as nazi-likers. But hes got a Nazi knife to open his letters with and when we watch some nazi stuff on his TV shows hes getting a HUGE boner and I always get my brains fucked out. Like the other day, he had some documentary about german prisoners after WWII on and they were like POWs of us, and then it was like he took it out on me after. OK I got off like I havent in a while with him but it so fucking hurt. I could totally see him in a nazi camp really fucking over a lot of guys and loving it. thats just one thing.

I think foreigners are like really harsh. It's like their set in one way and theirs like totally absolutely nothing that gets them out of that way. like an engine on a track, try to stop that or get it off the track. Its like, every time I try to say something about why we cant be boyfriends and why I can't move in, it's like NO and he socks me cos hes thinking it got settled once and thats it. Like forever. Or with friends. Its like your his friend or his enemy. And if your his enemy your screwed for LIFE. I've seen like this one guy once. He kinda knew my bf from way back when but was on his bad list but I guess he figured after all this time it was like over or forgiven or whatever. And with like not one word, my bf socks him right in the face and its like bleeding crazy. The guy was like totally surprised and cried but my bf said dude I told you back then to stay the fuck away. That totally blew me away. I mean he wouldnt even talk to him, just BAM and thats that.

In a way I'd love to meet his ex, just cos I would see if their all the same or if thats just him, my bf. I know they cant all be such tuff badasses like him but still.

It's like they've got all these rules that only they know and its like this minefield cos you never know what your stepping on. For my bf its like the number #1 rule: never lie. Thats about the worst thing for him, lying. And then, like betrayal. Its like those can never be forgiven. And once your a friend its like a real friend and its really fucken hard to screw that up whatever you do. I mean its got to be really bad to mess it up then. But cos its so black and white, whats that mean for me? I know he digs me and in some way he cares for me a lot or be wouldnt let me hang around and make me get my ASE and all that. But I cant help thinking if I'm like his ex when he wasnt his ex yet, or just some fuck meat hes just using for a lot longer then most. Now I love when hes talking foreign to me when hes fucking me cos its HOT but its not so nice when hes talking with his ex and I dont know what their talking about. I've heard him say Kevin so their talking about me sometimes but he never tells me what.

It would prolly help me a lot if I could get to meet his ex some day and I'd be on my like totally best behavior but maybe understand him better. Its like I feel so stupid anyways cos my bf can speak other languges and his ex too, and he knows so much about like everything and I dont, and I dont even know all the mines I can step on all the times to fuck things up.

Kinko's and the N-word

wow I should of have started this blog thing a long time ago. I just looked and what I just wrote got like really long. Its nice to WRITE what I mean, cos with people and SAYING it I can never get it out right. Don't know if this is really good for me, I might just blog me into real trouble with my bf but maybe when I tell him about my blog some time he knows what I feel for him and how much I love him, since I can never get it out all to tell him and he never wants to hear it anyways. Like the "boyfriend" thing, just saying the word is making trouble.

I forgot we went to go to Kinko's after eating, so he could get some box to put a poster in. He's been wanting to visit his ex-ex, like the one guy hes been with for a long time, another foreigner whos now like all cowboy on a ranch way out south. I'm glad the faggy Brokeback Mountain poster is gone. It's like soo (!!) not him, but he says he got it for a present and he thinks his ex and the exs bf like it. I'm just glad when its gone. So at the Kinko's hes asking this guy at the counter for the box (like hes gonna ship it, he just wants it for the drive down to the ranch) and this dude goes all gaga over him. This is like the second time in a day goddamit. He's like hes gonna bend over right their and flirting and running like way back to get just one of them stupid boxes. I gave him like these really mean looks like dude you better fuck the hell off, but the guy is like just ignoring me. My bf was just like amused, he doesnt like it when guys get too giddy anyways and he wasnt his type. Still, I fucking hate it.

But what I was wanting to say is on the way in to the Kinkos theirs like this N*****. I guess I can't say that on here... I set the blog to "adult" and all but... So theirs this black guy and hes like all loud talking to the thing in his ear. I know it's like the headset for his celly but like my bf always says it looks like a hearing aid. I was just wanting to rant about black people. I HATE them. I know its like harsh to say, and their all fucked themself just cos their black. And like me, I should say nothing anyways, cos I'm poz, I got a long record, I can't say nothing right out, I like dick up my ass and lots of kink weird shit, and their just got dark skin. So but still, I HATE black people. Cos their just using it like so much for excuse their all fucked up just cos their black, and they aint got no chance whatever.

But their no better then anyone else. Like, when you got a black guy in front of you and he knows your behind them they make you wait just cos they can, and just cos their black and your white. Or like when they cross the road in front of you. And if they can get a white guy and nobodys looking you get FUCKED UP. I never forget, in juvi, any 1 white guy and a couple black guys and it was HELL on earth. Its like they want to make you pay for whatevers been happening to ALL their people, and just make you alone pay for everything. Thats so fuckin unfair. If you got under a couple times by a bunch of black guys, you would hate them too even if your feeling bad for them like in general.

So when this loud back fucker was waling by yelling at this bug in the ear, I kind ahad to flinch some and I got already ticked off before we even got into the Kinko's.

Euro Stuff .. but didn't work out

So this afternoon we're heading out to go to IKEA in Frisco. Hes wanting to buy some shelfs. I LOVE doing this euro stuff with him, cos he's always talking about how hes been goin to shop their like 20 years ago in whereever and all that and they got cool stuff. Its like I feel a little like I'm more in on that. But we're not even on the tollroad yet, going on 635 at like 70 and his Volvo dies again. Engine cut out. He's like swearing and I kinda shrink in my seat, just in case he's gonna sock me. On the side its only like a minute and the car starts again but he's like all pissy and goes off the freeway to the next PepBoys and we look under the hood. OK, HE looks under the hood cos he won't let me do anything on his car. Which I so totally don't get: first he pushs me to ASE school and beats the crap out of me when I skip class after work just cos I'm tired and rather be with him and not study and I fucken pass the exam and he still won't let me do nothing. Like he's the mechanic! Anyways the darn battery terminal cable is lose and the battery is all off base. So he gets like $40 worth of clamps and brackets and does it himself. And hes so fuckin pissed cos the shop fixed just that. They said they fixed it but the clamps were all dull so they couldnt have worked. And hes got the battery hold down only they didnt put it on.


Lucky he got over it fast and we goet back on the freeway but the car bucks again one more time but its not dying. He's not much in no mood anymore to go all the way up to Frisco if the car is just gonna break down. I so totally don't get why he's even going to that stupid shop anymore. They mess it up every time or if they fix one thing they break another. Like the seat belt reminder the other day. So he gets the car back after they fix the head gasket after they take all the time in the world for it while hes all pissed the entire time and lets me have it. Then they finally get it done and it keeps cutting out and then they fix that and he's even more pissed till they got it done. And then thats fixed too (or not like see earlier) and the car keeps making this "bing bing" from the seat belt reminder. So he's all ticked off again after work and by the time he gets home hes so worked up he racks me like the minute he sees me and later works me over real good. I could of told him some bitch in the shop pulled a cable from one of them seats just to fuck with him but he didnt want to hear nothing. I don't get it why he keeps going their. I wouldn't let those motherfuckers touch my truck with a pole! Not that I need to anyways cos most I do myself.

So on the way back we stop at a gas station to stock up on the coke zero he likes so much and he seems this blond guy and checks him out. Like I don't notice it. Or he knows but he don't care. I hate it. I'm always scared hes picking up some guy thats hotter then me. And then he did this thing I so dred: he looks at the guy, and I know that dude is his type, totally. And then he looks at me and at the guy again and it's like my stomach cramps up. It's like this test, always, like he compares me to who ever he's just getting a boner for. At least this one goes my way cos he doesnt chat the dud eup and we just leave. I'm like so relievd. It's like this every day, like living on the edge, like he might of dump me any day. I think a lot about his last ex, this guy Riley. I met him only a couple times with the group and at his house, like after they were already over. Riley hated my guts, a lot, like it was my fault he got dumped. But I kinda know what hes been going thru, cos if I ever get dumped (god help me it wont happen) I'd be so crushed too and I'd hate the guy thats gonan take my place. Or kill him. I dunno, like I would really care what happens to me if this is ever over. Anyways.

So from the gas station we get home. Oh and he also got his lottery tickets their but he just puts them on the stack of all the others. He never checks them, only like when their about to no longer be valid then he does. I dont get that also, I mean if you buy the lottery won't you check like if you won? Not him. So we're home and I put the cokes in the fridge and when I get up be kicks me right in the balls. He loves doing that when I dont think about it and he got me good. And hes got his evil grin and I'm like on the kitchen floor holding my balls and coughing. He's just happy hes got me good and goes to turn on his foreign TV and puts his fav sweat pants on and lies on the couch. It took me a couple minutes till I could get up and I didn't wanna stay just their in the kitchen so I get up. Like always I dunno if I'm supposed to go be with him and watch the TV where I dont understand one word (but cool to watch and they have a lot more nudity even some frontal) or just get lost for a bit, play on the computer or something. But he just kind of waves at me and I know what he means so I strip naked and go lie with him. I was glad I could, I like sort of cuddling with him like that. I can feel him and how warm he is and his muscles. And sooner or later he usually gets horned up, so. Like almost always when we lie on the couch he grabs my balls and plays with them and I dont know if he thinks about it or just does it with no thinking but he always squeez them and pulls so it hurts. He likes it a lot when I flinch and he can do it for hours on end, or till he gets up for a smoke or sends me to get something to drink or whatever.

I feel him behind me and I can feel when he's getting a boner from all the nut playing. Sometimes like earlier I can't wait for him getting horned up enough so he's gonna wanna fuck but if I get too gay he wont do it. So I just flinch and buck some till I get his boner right up my ass crack and with that I can usually work his boner till he's ready to go for it. I dunno if he knows and just lets it happen or if he is catching me doing that like on purpose sometimes. But if he thinks I'm trying to get him to fuck me, I so def won't be and then it's like open game on my nuts. It's like a punishment. I like it rough and on the balls and whatever he's up to to get off on but he always does like double of whats hot and THAT's what turns him on. In a way it's like damn if you do and damn if you dont for me. He always wants me to fight it, like he needs an excuse to hit me even more (yeah right he does it anyways) and sometimes I do just to make it better for him but it gets me hurt a lot more. In the end the fucks are GREAT if he wants me to like it. Its more important he gets off real good cos that makes me happy but its nicer if I get to cum real good too. Its always hard to tell tho. Sometimes he just wants to be nice and then I get to cum like crazy. Sometimes it's like he gets a bad consience for hurting me so bad so it's like he makes up and I get to cum like crazy. And then sometimes he's just like mean and its no fun for me, just hurts like shit!! But he gets off real good, and if I'm crying real bad it totally works for him. Its all good for me as long as he gets off awesome but I always feel like shit and just some fuck meat for him when it's like that. I just keep telling myself sometimes he needs it more like what feels for him like a rape and I help keep him out of jail if he can mess with me or beat the crap out of me when hes in a mood like that. Better me then some Joe whos gonna make trouble for him.

Earlier worked out OK though. I guess he didnt really like whatever show he was watching, like it was boring or something cos I could tell he wasnt really paying no attention to it and he started to really work my balls and he got real hard behind me. LOL I was so ready for another good long fuck .. so great! When I couldn't hold it in any longer and started to make noise when he squeezed down he got tired of playing and pushed me off the couch and as soon as I was on my feet to the bedroom. Finally! I got on my back as most times and pulled up my legs and spread them some and my hands in my neck and he did what he so LOVES to do: punch my balls. I could tell he was already totally horned up cos I only had to spread them for a couple sucker punches and then he was ready to turn me over and nail my ass. With him it's in a way a lot the same and also always different. I thought he was just gonna ram it in like always and grab my balls to keep me squealing, so i was on my knees and my shoulders and anxius for him to go. But like I never know he didnt and he just kicked me in the balls. I didn't even notice he got up, but he kicked me so hard I was flying forward and hit the wall with my head. I bet if the old queen upstairs heard me scream he was jerking off again... funny I could think of that right their. I know better by now not to try to protect my balls, so I tried to grab my own neck as hard as I could and get some air. From the kick i was like half curled up but I know whats coming so I made like this lame try to kick him or something, but the pain from my balls kind of cramped my belly so it wasnt much of a kick, i guess more like a flinch with my leg. He pulled me back by my balls and I bet if the old queen didnt hear me before he heard me now. He held me down by my balls and out his rubber on and I tried not to squeal too much and now I was finally going to get his dick. He is such a tease sometimes. I so wish I wasnt poz and he wouldnt have to use no rubbers!! Anyway. He's fucked me soo many times and he still can make it hurt. I know he doesnt think of me as like I was a sissy when I grunt or make a groan or something when he rams it in. He WANTS it to hurt and that makes him so rock hard!! Today was one of my luckier days, he did me good and long and hard. Even if I wine or bitch sometimes, I love it that hes only into ruff and violent. After a while the pain isnt so bad anymore and I can't get enough or maybe I just don't care anymore and just want to get off like so many times before with him. And feel him CUM like awesome so he's really happy. I got fucked by a LOT of guys in my life but nobody fucks like him. He fucks like god like he's a natural and has a gift. Like a priest maybe, I know its kind of a weird thing to say. I've had to watch him fuck other guys before and I wonder sometimes if I am like most of them with like this stupid face what they make when all they care is just get to finish this one fuck. I prolly do.

Today was really a good day cos in the end when I was more then ready to shoot my load, he jerked me up like he does sometimes with his arm around my neck, his hand on my balls and his dick plowing my ass, and choked the fuck out of me so I saw stars in black and ripped my balls like he was gonna tear them off. I felt him cumming and GOOOD so I could let go, too. He likes to make me cum first like he controls when and how I get to cum but I like to feel him cum first so I know its been good for him and it's like this block in me that keep sme from cumming till he gets off and then I can. I didn't hit the high mark on the wall, but I got close, hehe. He likes it a lot when I shoot a big load. When I started shooting cum he squeezed and ripped my balls even more. Thats like better then any trip I used to be on like ecstacy, totally extreme pain, feel his dick up my ass, and cum and cum and cum. He didnt let go of me, just let me have a little more air and playing hard with my balls still. This is like the best moment, he got off great, he saw me cum good, so he gets to feel like the stud he is and he is enjoying it. Right their I'm like SOOO his bitch and I'm happy about it. I've been thinking if I could feel like this all the time that must be what its like when you die and get to go to heven. Of course its not like that now, when he comes down some and pulls out, he tightens the grip on my neck again and then my balls get it real good till I cry hard and beg. Thats how its like with him, theirs always a price to pay.

Later we went up the street to the Panda to get some food. I wasnt really ready to walk around and all but I also dont like it when hes out by himself, who knows if he picks up some guy and doesnt come back till he messed with him or whatever. So I tagged along and this hispanic dude behind the counter starts all smiling and flirting when he sees my bf. I guess he's kinda cute and sooo obvius he'd drop everything and his job to come along to get laid but I know FAT chance like my bf would fuck some spick, cute or not. And whose gonna do some guy called Uldaldo? Is that even a real name. I cant help but think how these guys even do it when they check what their in for. I mean I bet they may like a little ruff or bearit out but most scream like hell when hes getting to their balls. Sometimes I feel bad for them but most times I am happy in a mean way cos they wont be back ever.

On the way out back to the car (didnt die anymore) he saw I had trouble walking, it still fucking hurt. And he puts his arm around my neck and pulls. I bet he tried to be nice but he can't just show it. But I love it when he tuches me, it makes me tingle every time. I live for those moments and their rare. Then after we were eating, ok he was done like fast cos he always inhales his food and I mess with them damn chopsticks he always gets, he was sorting out more of his stuff that still isnt set up at the new place even though hes been living here for months. He didnt get the shelfs hes been wanting to since we didnt make it to IKEA but theirs so much. He showed me some pics he unpacked from way back in Europe. Like from some car show in Luxemburg, thats like in the Netherlands or something. He's done like soo much stuff and been so many places. I love seeing it and hear all the stories but it makes me feel so stupid like what have I done, and why do I even get to stick around. I try not to think about that.

Now he is still napping. I dont know if I should wake him up or something, cos if he wakes up like after midnight, he can't go back to sleep easy. Then he is just gonna be horny again and then I will be late for work again and him too. But its tricky. Sometimes he's all nice and comfy when I wake him and I get to cuddle and sometimes he gets really pissy if hes been sleeping real deep already. Hard to tell.

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