So, today, Friday

He woke me up for the second time and says if I don't have the doc appointment today and I'm late. I don't want to get up, I'm WORN OUT. But I dont need to get hit now so I somehow get up and out and to the bathroom. I am fucking late, I got to hurry. I feel sick and in the bathroom I go down before the pot and want it to get over with but all that comes out is some green stuff and just stings my throat. The shower I turn on the hot only, it burns like hell but it helps some. After a couple minutes I have to turn on a little cold or I get really burned. I dont know, sometimes I like hurting myself a little. My legs are still kind of wobbly and my ass hurts like hell. Its hard to stand up straight cos my balls feel like their handing from barb wire and every little move I make makes them spin. The hot water helps with my muscles tho, and I dont feel so sore when I get out. But I got to hurry I cant be late.

On the way my truck is acting up some. My truck is really cool and I put a lot of work in it but some days she is like she doesnt want to go and the carbs spit back. After 2 miles or so shes running ok tho. I really dont need her fighting me today.

I make it like 1 minute in time for the doc. Its like one of the worst things, it always shakes me when I have to go for checks and all the blood test, cos it reminds me being poz. The cute guy he has for the front desk gave me this weird look when I check in. He's such a fag, you know the type who is like dressed up and all faggy like a girl. I bet the doc nails him or he wouldnt have the job. Way back when I was a junkie he used to nail me all the time and he's one kinky motherfucker. In the office hes putting up this act of like being the good doc and tells me not to mess around and how I'm doing and all that crap, like he's a diff person. But since I found out I'm poz be's being real nice to me, and safe from him wanting nothing from me anymore. When I get in, he says I look like shit what the hell have I been doing. At least he says it like he means it and not like being a smart ass. Sometimes it helps I studder so I dont even have to try anything stupid to give him some lame story.

Today I just want it to get over with, and after hes done with pulling all the blood and everything he finally lets me go. No I just have to wait till next Friday to see if anything changed since last time and if I have to go on meds or something. I so hope I dont. The waiting a week sucks. Why can't they do this faster??

After I'm done I stop at McD's and pig out. I like never do that anymore but it's like only after I've been to the doc I do it for protest, like I'm really showing him. I know its bullshit cos he wont even know, but hey. Today I didnt even get finished half with the burger and maybe 4 fries and I feel I'm really going to be sick. I almost didnt make it to the pot at McD and I lose it hard, like almost splatters. Sorry this is a bit gross. Weird but I feel a lot better, just so weak. I wish I cold have another hot shower right now.

More or less I drag myself back out to my truck, its still hard to stand and walk, cos of my balls. My manager knows I'm at the doc, so I'm not really in no hurry to get to work and sit in my truck for a long while till I feel a little better.

Just before lunch I get their and my manager runs into me in the parking lot and gives me this look. Back when I started the job almost 5 years ago and was always late and missed work a lot cos I was so hi all the time, he kinda helped me out a lot and didn't fire me. If I was him, I would have fired me, a LOT! But he didnt. Toda he gave me this look again like ohoh somethings wrong whatsup, but he didnt say nothing, only that I looked like I was ready for lunch and if I wanted to go with him, was lunch time anyways. I can't really say no, its not like a lot that he asks, maybe every other month once. It's nice tho, we went to this diner and it smelled really good in their and I was really hungry and didnt feel like I was going to feel sick again. And he's like all nice, like this fatherly kind of attitude, if I'm allright and how the doc stuff went, all that. I bet he noticed I had a little trouble walking and all, but he didnt say anything, and I just said I got sick a little last night and all is ok. Seemed like he bought it.

Back at work I got kind of lucky. Shane got in a fight with someone when I was still at the docs, and everyone was like tense and just doing their own shit. My manager didnt say anything about it earlier at lunch, but after I got back it seemed like it was a big thing. Anyway so nobody bothered me and it was kind of slow, so I didnt have to hurry and deal with the pain from my balls slow. Cody said something about me when he came by once, if I got together with that married woman again and if she used me up or what. I didnt say anything. Thats a thing I made up once when they guys were bugging the hell out of me about a black eye and me hurting really bad, and I can't always tell them I got jumped or got in a fight, I dont have the kind of badass attitude to pull it off so they believe it. So I came up with this married woman, and I said she's like older and into real kinky stuff but like a real hot bitch to fuck. I cant believe they buy this crap but it works and they never even think I take it up the ass and like it. Breeders can really be that dumb. I bet Cody doesnt even know what kinky is, hehe. He's got 3 kids so he and his wife must of had sex somehow. Like Shane, tho, I bet he knows all about kink and I can think he likes pain stuff too but no crazy bitch would be with him for too long. He goes thru girlfriends fast, but I can think half of them he makes up. The other ones are real and I bet he drags them to work just to show off. He's something else.

After work I drove right over to my bfs house. He didnt call me first and I didnt call him but he came like 5 minutes after I got their, and he wasnt surprised. Like hes ever surprised by anything. I wanted him to see how I was still hurting, and I guess he felt a little bad for me. He took me out for dinner, and it was NICE. Most times I love being out with him, cos it makes me feel good for people to see what a hot guy I have. Of course they dont know anything, just 2 guys out to eat. But I dont care. Today it also felt like i could show off how much I suffer for him and how much I'm his bitch. Is stupid cos nobody knows but it makes me feel good. He said he quit his cover job today, got too annoying, and hes starting another one at a diff place and they even pay him more. LOL he is a piece of work... he said it like he told he changed shirts today. Just like that.

Back at his place hes been working all evening on something hacking away at his techie stuff. I felt bad for not doing my blog, cos I was wanting to keep it up but this week was just kind of crazy. I a about ready to crash, feel like I've been put thru the hoops. He is prolly gonna work late, I dont mind I can sleep some.