Wednesday

busy day today and kind of crappy. Its not good for me to stay up so late like last nite writing on my blog. Didnt sleep enough. Work mostly sucked cos when the new guy quit he said its all cos of Shane so the manager is totally pissed at him and so Shane was being the total ass all day. He tired with Cody. He's a nice guy and like real peaceful but today he said to Shane if he wont cut it out hes gonna break his nose or something so Shane left him alone. He tried with me to and tripped me 2 times but the second time when i was falling flat on my face the manager saw it and now Shanes on notice with him. But hes not gonna fire him cos hes one of his best guys in the shop and Shane knows it. Their was a bunch of customers in today so I had tons of stuff to do.

For lunch I didnt go eat anything I was so tired I was sleeping in my truck for a bit. When I got back their was a customer waiting for me. He always wants me to work on his Lexus but not cos I'm like any better its cos hes gay and always come on to me real strong. I dont mind much cos its not like hes tutching me or nothing or hes not like putting me on the spot just kind of weird cos he always makes up shit to get to bring his car in like oil change every 1000 miles and not 3000 or saying he needs a filter, bs like that. Its just weird cos the guys make fun of me thats i got this fag all over me. I feel bad for the guy hes like 35 or so and fat and its kinda sad. I bet he aint got no bf or nothing and all hes got is go to some shop and go gaga over some guy like me and later jack off at home or something like that. But Shane is all over me cos of this guy for the rest of the day talking trash about fags and ass fuckers and all that crap and I got to do some pussy talk cos if I dont and I dont call him a fucking fag around them they might of think I'm ok with a gay customer and that wouldnt be so good. God I hate that.

Someone should break Shanes nose or maybe we should all get together and take him out back one day. Its like everybody is so fucking sick of Shanes fucking atitude. Or fucking kick him in the balls!!

The rest of the afternoon I was thinking about my bf and breaking noses. Last time he broke my nose I loved it. He was so nice after taking me to the ER and I had something from him I could feel like every day and night for a bit. He thought it was stupid to leave the splint on for so long but it looked so hot. I had to look at it in the mirror all the time and jerked off a lot. He didnt say but I think he liked the look too.

Just before closing I was so tired but cos of my thinking about him and that i'm prolly in some for some hell after the last couple days I was in a hurry to get out and over to his house. But then he called just after I got in my truck and he said he was going to have to work something till real late and I shouldnt be coming over. That was a real bummer. I was just sitting in the truck and I was about ready to cry. Its so hard to be away from him all day at work and when hes not wanting to have me over. Totally sucked. What now? I didnt want to go to my place and get like really down all alone. I was a little hungry so I drove all the way over to the Panda chinese takeout. I dont even like chinese much but he does and this is the shop he goes to a lot. Theirs another panda closer to my place but i was wanting to go to his one. When I got their I could see it was kind of full and their were like a lot of black people in line and I wasnt wanting to stand between them so I didnt go in and I wasnt so hungry anymore anyway.

Didn't know what to do and then I was thinking I should ge going to the gym again. Havent been in like over 2 weeks. It really sucked to find the 2 videos from like 6 years ago the other day that some jerk put up. God knows who the fucker is and how he got them but whatever. It sucked cos I used to be so ripped. OK then i was always high on something and never eating much and when i was eating I'd throw up right after so I wouldnt get fat, co sI would of got in a WORLD of trouble if i wasnt looking totally hot.

I still got good muscles and am kinda skinny but I think my bf would fucking LOVE it if I was ripped like that again. I know better what his type is then he does. I cant help im not blonde and dying my hair didnt work for him but i can get ripped again. So I went all the way back up to Addison to the 24hour fitness. My bag was still in the truck from like the last time and kinda stinky but it wasnt like real bad. I did 1 hour of cardio till my legs got all mushy and then I took a break and then like 1 hour and a half of weights till I was so fucking sore and pumped I had a hard time getting off the bench. Stupid I know but I do it everytime like I can make it all happen faster for him. Hit the showers for like a real loooooong and hot one and felt awesome. Like I really did something today for him. In the shower this guy was checking me out like everytime I looked at him he was looking away. What a sucker. And hiding his boner I bet he had one going. At the locker at least he was waiting till i got my boxers on but then he came over and like tried to talk to me. Stupid fucker couldnt even think of nothing to say so he was saying my tatt is real cool and what it is and what the plus sign under it is for. yeah like I was gonna tell some stupid peeping tom that its the group tatt and the plus cos i'm pos so everyone knows whose might gonna fuck me in one of the hunts or torture of POW after. Like he would even get it.

On the way out this chick tried to sell me some powders and juices and was trying to chat me up like she was pretending shes wanting to know how I like the gym and shit b4 she was gonna pull her sale pitch but she took off fast after I choked on 'thanks for asking'. like i'm handicapped. anyway she wasnt gonna wait around and I got rid of her.

Back at my place I hung out where the washers and dryers are to wash the gym stuff and some other stuff and then a nap and now I got to write my blog for the day.

Been checking my mail and messags on gayfighter and everywhere and got one from skidmark and he was writing something about Valentine. thats tomorrow and it made me click. THATS why my bf didnt want me to come over. I bet hes got something planned for tomorrow cos its valentines

Tuesday back at work

we oversleep totally and have to get cracking so we're not more late then already. At work the new guy quit and Shane is out of people for his shitlist for the day. Hes trying with Cody some and then me but then hes giving up. At least for the day. Its kind of busy anyways.

Just before closing my manager comes up and says hes been wanting to move some stuff around and if I stay late like some of the other guys and help he was gonna pay me for yesterday so I call my bf and he's ok with it. Hey one days pay for 5 hours extra after work thats not a bad deal. Plus we're goofing off a lot anyways cos everyones tired and we dont get why the manager wants the stuff moved now, like in 2 days its all back to the same chaos again. But hey its his money. I'm real tired afterwards anyway so I go to my place thats closer then my bfs and catch up with my blog. Now i'm like really tired but I wanted to get this down cos I think I still forgot a bunch of stuff I was gonna write.

Like about the religion shit my foster dad was into the family i was with at 15. Listening to "The Truth" and hitting me over the head all the time with the Lord's book but then coming almost every night to fuck me. Or that fat lady in the mexican restorant in Huntsville I was gonna write about her too. But i'm too tired now and its like 2:30am and I got to work tomorrow early.

So, today, Friday

He woke me up for the second time and says if I don't have the doc appointment today and I'm late. I don't want to get up, I'm WORN OUT. But I dont need to get hit now so I somehow get up and out and to the bathroom. I am fucking late, I got to hurry. I feel sick and in the bathroom I go down before the pot and want it to get over with but all that comes out is some green stuff and just stings my throat. The shower I turn on the hot only, it burns like hell but it helps some. After a couple minutes I have to turn on a little cold or I get really burned. I dont know, sometimes I like hurting myself a little. My legs are still kind of wobbly and my ass hurts like hell. Its hard to stand up straight cos my balls feel like their handing from barb wire and every little move I make makes them spin. The hot water helps with my muscles tho, and I dont feel so sore when I get out. But I got to hurry I cant be late.

On the way my truck is acting up some. My truck is really cool and I put a lot of work in it but some days she is like she doesnt want to go and the carbs spit back. After 2 miles or so shes running ok tho. I really dont need her fighting me today.

I make it like 1 minute in time for the doc. Its like one of the worst things, it always shakes me when I have to go for checks and all the blood test, cos it reminds me being poz. The cute guy he has for the front desk gave me this weird look when I check in. He's such a fag, you know the type who is like dressed up and all faggy like a girl. I bet the doc nails him or he wouldnt have the job. Way back when I was a junkie he used to nail me all the time and he's one kinky motherfucker. In the office hes putting up this act of like being the good doc and tells me not to mess around and how I'm doing and all that crap, like he's a diff person. But since I found out I'm poz be's being real nice to me, and safe from him wanting nothing from me anymore. When I get in, he says I look like shit what the hell have I been doing. At least he says it like he means it and not like being a smart ass. Sometimes it helps I studder so I dont even have to try anything stupid to give him some lame story.

Today I just want it to get over with, and after hes done with pulling all the blood and everything he finally lets me go. No I just have to wait till next Friday to see if anything changed since last time and if I have to go on meds or something. I so hope I dont. The waiting a week sucks. Why can't they do this faster??

After I'm done I stop at McD's and pig out. I like never do that anymore but it's like only after I've been to the doc I do it for protest, like I'm really showing him. I know its bullshit cos he wont even know, but hey. Today I didnt even get finished half with the burger and maybe 4 fries and I feel I'm really going to be sick. I almost didnt make it to the pot at McD and I lose it hard, like almost splatters. Sorry this is a bit gross. Weird but I feel a lot better, just so weak. I wish I cold have another hot shower right now.

More or less I drag myself back out to my truck, its still hard to stand and walk, cos of my balls. My manager knows I'm at the doc, so I'm not really in no hurry to get to work and sit in my truck for a long while till I feel a little better.

Just before lunch I get their and my manager runs into me in the parking lot and gives me this look. Back when I started the job almost 5 years ago and was always late and missed work a lot cos I was so hi all the time, he kinda helped me out a lot and didn't fire me. If I was him, I would have fired me, a LOT! But he didnt. Toda he gave me this look again like ohoh somethings wrong whatsup, but he didnt say nothing, only that I looked like I was ready for lunch and if I wanted to go with him, was lunch time anyways. I can't really say no, its not like a lot that he asks, maybe every other month once. It's nice tho, we went to this diner and it smelled really good in their and I was really hungry and didnt feel like I was going to feel sick again. And he's like all nice, like this fatherly kind of attitude, if I'm allright and how the doc stuff went, all that. I bet he noticed I had a little trouble walking and all, but he didnt say anything, and I just said I got sick a little last night and all is ok. Seemed like he bought it.

Back at work I got kind of lucky. Shane got in a fight with someone when I was still at the docs, and everyone was like tense and just doing their own shit. My manager didnt say anything about it earlier at lunch, but after I got back it seemed like it was a big thing. Anyway so nobody bothered me and it was kind of slow, so I didnt have to hurry and deal with the pain from my balls slow. Cody said something about me when he came by once, if I got together with that married woman again and if she used me up or what. I didnt say anything. Thats a thing I made up once when they guys were bugging the hell out of me about a black eye and me hurting really bad, and I can't always tell them I got jumped or got in a fight, I dont have the kind of badass attitude to pull it off so they believe it. So I came up with this married woman, and I said she's like older and into real kinky stuff but like a real hot bitch to fuck. I cant believe they buy this crap but it works and they never even think I take it up the ass and like it. Breeders can really be that dumb. I bet Cody doesnt even know what kinky is, hehe. He's got 3 kids so he and his wife must of had sex somehow. Like Shane, tho, I bet he knows all about kink and I can think he likes pain stuff too but no crazy bitch would be with him for too long. He goes thru girlfriends fast, but I can think half of them he makes up. The other ones are real and I bet he drags them to work just to show off. He's something else.

After work I drove right over to my bfs house. He didnt call me first and I didnt call him but he came like 5 minutes after I got their, and he wasnt surprised. Like hes ever surprised by anything. I wanted him to see how I was still hurting, and I guess he felt a little bad for me. He took me out for dinner, and it was NICE. Most times I love being out with him, cos it makes me feel good for people to see what a hot guy I have. Of course they dont know anything, just 2 guys out to eat. But I dont care. Today it also felt like i could show off how much I suffer for him and how much I'm his bitch. Is stupid cos nobody knows but it makes me feel good. He said he quit his cover job today, got too annoying, and hes starting another one at a diff place and they even pay him more. LOL he is a piece of work... he said it like he told he changed shirts today. Just like that.

Back at his place hes been working all evening on something hacking away at his techie stuff. I felt bad for not doing my blog, cos I was wanting to keep it up but this week was just kind of crazy. I a about ready to crash, feel like I've been put thru the hoops. He is prolly gonna work late, I dont mind I can sleep some.