Paying for lying

So just after what happened and in the park wasnt all to make up for lying but he let me in at least the next day and fucked me and let me stay over but he was like a little mean all the time but that was my fault. It was like kind of rocky for a couple days after and he said one night Mitchell needed to test something and wanted me over. That SUCKED, and I had like butterflies in my stomach and was scared cos at Mitchells thats always really bad. And it was, that machine he built now is crazy. He had me strip naked with is like really rare with him. Normalle maybe only shirt off and then he ties me up standing with legs wide and arms wide and up and kicks the fucking shit out of my balls. Not this time, just strip naked and lie on the floor between these big 6x6s. Then he tied my neck down hard to the floor with a chain and a rope around my ankles and pulled me up slowly, putting in like heavy metal bars between the big posts till I was all rolled around and my feet came down next to my face. I was looking at the soles of my feet in like a real tight back roll and with my balls right on top. Being rolled back over those bars really fucking hurt my back! Like it was close to snap. Then he tied my arms forward and that was stretching me even more. Like forward and at a angle so I could almost touch my feet. He just hit my nuts hard a couple times and then walked around the other side and rammed his knee in my abs they were just right in front of his knee. Then he just left me their and it didnt took long and like every muscle in my body started to hurt cos being rolled like this was really crazy. H ewas just messing around, I could hear him but I couldnt see him behind me.

This is really so unfair. He just always fucks me up really bad and won't even fuck me. I know he is HUNG, like 2 beer cans on top of each other. Not that I want to be fucked by anyone but my bf but if he always fucks my balls up so bad cos hes really ball crazy, a lot more then my bf, he could at least fuck me really good.

After a long time he came walking over again and I knew now it was gonna get bad. I just wanted out of their but I know its not like this. So he fucked with my balls really bad till I couldnt even scream anymore and then he said I got one other thing to try and all I could think was you fucking shithead sadistic asshole but of course i didnt say nothing it would only make it worse. He said he got a new stun gun, the first with 1 Million volts, and all I could so is say noooooo please - like this would have worked. He is so fucked up. He stunned my belly first and it was like my body wanted to jump and curl inwards of the roll he put me in but of course that didnt work. Tied to tight backwards and my belly trying to cramp up is just the opposite way but it felt like I was ripping all muscles out of my guts and I was close to passing out, really really close and I was hoping I would cos then I dont feel anything anymore. Then he stunned my nuts and I felt only this shirt crazy pain and a bright light in my head and I was out. When I came around my ball were on cold fire, it HURT!!! Like they were turned all steel and at the same time like on fire, really burning with flames shooting up and the pain was like spinning in a roll all around me from by balls through my body to my head and like jumping over to me feet and back up the roll to my balls. This was horrible and I felt like I was gonna die!! And sobbing like crazy, and I had a lot of spit coming out of my mouth, like really a lot.

Then he said one more time and I could go and I tried to plead and beg with him not to, I could not take it anymore. But for one he wouldnt listen anyway, for another whatever came out of my mouth was some wobblybobbly anyways. He was teasing me for a while and holding it out just to scare me more and it was working, he is a fucking scary crazy mean guy. When he stunned my balls the second time I wish I had passed out like right then like the first time but I didnt. It was a lot worse then before, the pain was spinning around that backwards wheel I was tie dup at like crazy like zoom zoom zoom around and my balls felt like they were cramping up too and I was like trying to cramp backwards into the roll like trying to curl up whwn I was like put on their just the other way around. After a bit I did pass out, finally!! When I woke up again I was off that roll, just naked on the ground, and outside behind his garage where his torture room brig is in the second floor under the roof. My uniform was on a pile next to me. I guess I woke up cos I got cold it was kind of chilly. Took me a while to put it on. At Mitchells its always in uniform. I was too sore and too tired to get my boots on so I just carried them barefoot, and walked around and my truck was their. My pockets were empty, but the truck wasnt locked and the keys in the lock and my other stuff on the seat. I had a really hard time driving I got lucky I didnt get pulled over for like how I was swerving. I went to my bf cos its closer and I figured he can see how much I got hurt so i was paying and maybe he would feel bad for me. His Volvo was in his spot but he didnt open when i knocked and didnt asnwer the phone also. So I had to drive all the way up to Addison to my place and that was hard. I am never ever going to lie to my bf again, not even for small stuff. Its not worth it.

Fessing up.. I lied to my bf

Keeping up with my blog aint easy... thers my bf and work and it's like I'm always behind. I'm trying, though!!

So here goes, still have to fess up about this one. I lied to my bf. I thought it was just a little white lie. I know thats like the biggest thing he hates, lies. So this was really stupid of me. Anyways, I was so fucking WORN out that just onenight i wanted to go to my own place and SLEEEEP. So I called him from work and said I had to work late and I didn't know how late so I'd be going to my little place and not come to him. He just said OK. The minute I got to my place I just hopped in the shower and then straight on my bed I didnt even dry off much I was so tired. I think I was already asleep the second I pulled the cover over me. God I needed that, and bad. He wears me out. I know this sounds crazy that for once I didn't want to go to him and his house. When I say "home" I mean HIS house and I know I'm always whining about him not letting me move in but theirs like some days when I have GOT to catch up on sleep. I don't get how he can live on so little sleep and always fuck in the middle of the night when everyones sleeping.

So the next day after work I go over to his house and he is late and I still on the stairs for like an hour and a half till he shows. He got some groceries and we're in the kitchen putting them away and hes saying if I had to work like real late. So what am I gonna say, fess up or what so I say yeah but wasn't too bad, and he wants to know hoe late and I say like 10pm, and then he says if I got paid extra at least and I say no, and he says if everyone had to work late or just me or what. I'm like like squirming some cos I don't want to make it any worse, I feel pretty bad already for making some shit up to get just ONE night of sleep I was needing so bad. But he is riding me in deeper and deeper. This is all while were putting the groceries away. He's asking what we had to do and all that, and I get stuck a little cos I didn't think of that before. I'm not a good liar. Doh!!

So THEN he says he felt bad for me for having to work late and all and he says he came by my work to pick me up for a beer after, and their wasnt anyone, all dark and shut down. I knew I was B-U-S-T-E-D. Fuck. So he says like still all sweet who i hooked up with and if the fuck was any good at least, and I'm like in SHOCK and thinking oh fuck fuck fuck is that what hes thinking??? So I tell him I was just so tired and thats why I did it. Fat chance he was just gonna believe me. So then all of a sudden when I turn around to put the last box of cokes in the fridge he like BAM slugs me in the face with his fist and so hard I fall back and bashed my head in the doors of the cabinets, and I'm like all dizzy and try to get up but the kitchen is all spinning around me. And then he stomps me in the guts and then lets himself fall on me, knee first in my stomach. FUCK! And he stays like that one me and grabs me by my ears and yells in my face I'm a fucking liar and I should of known better then lying to him and what the fuck I was thinking.
Was of course just him and me but I like these pictures so you get an idea. So he says for me to finish putting the cokes away but I'm like real dizzy and from him falling with his knee in my stomach with all his weight I'm like ready to throw up, I feel it coming. I think I put half the cokes in upside down. And when I'm done and get up I get sick and throw up in the sink. And I'm feeling miserable and mad at myself cos I know it was stupid to lie and now I get to hear and feel it for 2 or more weeks and I know theirs gonna be hell to pay, this is nothing (!!) of what I know I got coming. God why am I so stupid sometimes just for wanting to sleep one night? dumb dumb dumb!!! So I'm still hanging ver the kitchen sink and puking and I am so mad at myself and so miserable that I cant help it and tear up and them im like crying. Fuck thats not what I want but I cant help it. I'm like balling and its weird like I try to flush the puke and tears are like dripping into it.. god I'm so FUBAR.

So he comes and stands right behind me and grabs my neck with his left hand and force my head down and jabs me hard in the kidneys that would have made me jolt up but hes got me down by my neck. And he says so NOW I'm feeling bad but I should know better not to lie and crying a little and regretting it now wouldnt make it go away and that I was a little fucking shit liar and how I could do this to him after all this time??? And hes going on and on about breaking trust and respect and all that and it makes me just feel worse and worse and GUILTY. And hes saying that if after all this time I'm still lying to him theirs no hope and he should just make me KAPUT and throw me out for good. Break al lmy bones and my balls and fist my ass till he gets all the way to my little fucking heart and rip it out my ass and then dump me. I'm getting like totally in panic and I'm thinking OH MY GOD NO he's really calling it quits, I fucked up too bad, and I'm like screaming and pleeding and trying to tell him I just wanted to sleep and that I'm sooooo sooooo soooooo sorry and I didnt really mean to and that is was more like a little white lie cos he never lets me sleep one night through --- but he really doesnt want to hear nothing and it sure dont help I studder so bad cos I cant get like anything really out in one piece. He's like totally going off the handle. Still holding me down over the sink and hitting my kidneys (GOD that HURTS) and kneeing my thighs from the back and my ass so I get smashed against the marble of the counters and the cabinets. Then he says if I'm done throwing up and I say yes and he says oh really and pulls me back a little so my chin is like on the front corner of the sink and rams his knee right in my guts a couple times. After the first one I just hang down on the cabinet but he grabs my belt on my jeans and pulls me up so he has a clear shot. I'm not doing anything to block him or what, I deserve it so I just cramp my hands on the corner of the sink. And I think he's like trying to break my back the way hes pulling his knee up to ram my guts. After a couple I do have to puke some more. Then he says now I'm done puking and he lets me off and I just fall back on the floor and cry and try telling him I didn't mean to. I hate that I can't talk right but this time I REALLY REALLY hate it cos I'm like still retching like crazy and I can't get one word out right. So he tells me to shut the fuck up and kicks me over and over in the guts and a couple in the balls, wherever he gets me as I'm like flipping around to dodge the kicks and trying to protect my balls. He stops and tells me to get the fuck on my back and spread my legs so he has a clear shot and after a bit I do, I aint got no choice. And he fucking stomps me, I bet he did it as hard as he could. I'm wanting to scream but I suddenly get no air. He kicks me full force in the balls sometimes but this felt like he was trying to break them. My balls are killing me and I'm so fucking miserable from how it hurts but worse from me being so stupid lying to him like I was gonne get away with it and just for some sleep! I so deserve to get punsihed but I dont want him to dump me!!! I can't stop crying and as I get some air I'm still trying to tell him how sorry I am and why i did it but I can't get anything out really that he can understand. He's just standing their and watching me and he looks fucking MAD!

Then after like a couple minutes or so watching me curled up and crying and gets down on the floor behind me and grabs my right ear and pulls my head up. That hurts my ear but my balls and my guts hurt a lot more. And he's talking in my ear saying I'm a little shit and whats he gonna do with me, seems like I never learn nothing. Maybe it would be the best if he gave me back to Mitchell's in his platoon, maybe I'd be better off being his meat for all his torture machines to try out on, or maybe better to the crazy guys in Waco where I wouldn't last 2 weeks. Now he's really scaring me, if he dumps me thats like the end of my world but on top having to go back to being Mitchell's I'd kill myself rather, and with the guys in Waco that would get me killed. Thats where crazy Bryce is and his CO is like 10 times what Mitchell is and Mitchell is a sadistic motherfucker!! So I'm like really balling now and begging him no please don't and all as much as I can even get it out. So he says so NOW I'm sorry now that I got caught but thats kind of late and what I was the fuck thinking?? He is like really mad, and really hurt I would lie to him. I wish I never did, what was it worth just to sleep a couple hours? Maybe I could have just asked him real nice instead if he would let me sleep just one night through or wait for a night when he wasnt wanting me over anyways and bear it out in the meantime. And now I'm like risking everything and maybe even worse. I'm such a stupid idiot!!

So then he grabs my wrist and twists my arms up really bad behind me, like he's gonna break my elbow or pop it out in my shoulder and I'm flat on my stomach. It's weird I feel the floor on the kitchen is like wet from me crying and balling and I'm thinking I'm such a sissy, I brought this all over myself and now I'm like a whining bitch when I got to pay for being a stupid liar. Then he pulls me up by my twisted arm and it hurts!! It's like its going out my shoulder for sure. I can hardly stand cos I'm so wobbly and I am dizzy too. Feels like I have a concussion or something, I can't look straight like its all fuzzy. He is pushing me forward through the hallway to the bedroom, and in the corner that hes using when he's beating me up. Cos in the corner it's easier for him to keep me standing up and I got nowhere to go, the only way is forward into his fists that keep flying at me.
So he's pushing me in the corner hard, and he starts hitting me and he's laying it in me. He's really mad. I'm not even trying to block him. For one my arms are so lame I could hardly get them up and I want to take his punishment so he won't dump me. I'm still trying to tell him I didnt mean to and I'm sorry but hes hitting too hard. My legs are so wobbly I can't really stand even if I leanin the corner and he grabs my throat with his left hand and keeps hitting me hard with his right fist, over and over and over, and in between he grabs my throat with both his hands and with his knee push my legs apart so he can ram it straight up in my balls. Once I put my hands to protect my balls but he says to fucking move them away and I dont know where really it was a reflex cos it hurt so bad so I put my arms around his neck and at least then I get it out once how sorry I am but he just racks me really hard over and over and is calling me a fucking piece of shit and not worth it and a motherfucking liar who dont learn nothing and all that. This goes on forever and I get a little hopefull while is is fucking me up good that maybe if he really goes all out on me he wont dump me maybe. Then in the end I cant stand anymore at all and he can't hold me up either, like my legs are like totally giving away. So I sink down in the corner and he keeps kicking me some more but I don't really feel it much anymore. I'm like halfway out, the room is spinning all around me and I feel like I have to throw up really bad but I cant anymore and my balls are like hurting up to my neck and my stomach feels like its been ripped into pieces and hurts bad and my guts are like mush like theive been through a blender. I'm just curled up in the corner and crying cos I'm soooo sorry. He just walks out.

And he's not coming back. I hear him do stuff in the kitchen, and then wathcing his German TV and do whatever. I don't know what to do, if I shouuld go to him or better stay out of his sight or what. And I don't really want to move so much anyway, I'm fucked up and hurting bad. And I don't know what to say to him. After a while I just crawl a little to lie on the bed. I don't even feel like taking my cloths off, its like I'm hurting too much to move enough to strip, even to take my sneaks off. Then I must have gone to sleep.

He wakes me up when hes going to bed and kicks me off it. He says I can fucking sleep on the floor and after I'm off the bed he drags me back in the corner. He's cussing at me, shithead motherfucker lying bitch and all so I know its not over yet. Then he strips and goes to bed and switch the light off and I'm just in my corner in all my cloths still and cyring a little again. Its rare he goes to bed and not get off first he must be really fucking mad at me. Theirs a little light in the room from the parking lot outside and I can see he's not asleep yet. After like 10 mins or so he says oh fuck and gets up and without saying a word just grabs my legs and pulls me so I'm straight on my back. He opens my belt and my levis and pulls them down with the underwear to like half my thighs, sits on my legs and then starts punching me in the balls. Fuck that hurts but I'm hopefull maybe if he does that he wont dump me if he gets off on me too good so I try not to make a show and bite my tongue really hard and I'm putting my hands behind my back so I wont by accident try to protect my nuts. Its hard to even move my arms up. I know I've got to be good now and just take it but it's hard, really hard. My balls are so fucking sore and he is really punching hard. My abs, my belly, my stomach its all cramping up like crazy and I'm digging my fingers so hard in my neck not to let go and not to arch up that it hurts like its gonna bleed any second. My teeth are about to crack cos I'm biting down so hard and I can feel my tears run down on the sides of my face but I'm not making any sounds, just taking it. But I'm so fucking sore and hurting I'm not getting a boner like normal. Thank heavens, cos if I got stuff he would have got real mad. He keeps punching and like really super hard, maybe 20 or 30 times, I dont know. Then he stops and jacks off and he cums all over me. In my face, on my belly and I can feel it hitting my tshirt also that got pushed up some. Then he just sits for a moment or two coming down from the high and then he takes my balls and pulls hard so I have to bend up till my face is like 3 inches from his. And in the little light in the room he looks me straight in the eye and says motherfucking LIAR!! and then he suckerpunches me in the face so my lips bleed and my teeth hurt and gets up and back into bed. And in like 2 minutes or so he's sleeping. I don't know what to do if I should get into bed or what or at least pull up my jeans.. but then I'm too worn out and hurting so bad I just keep lying their and dont move and then I'm asleep too.

I didnt hear the alarms at all or him getting up or anything, I'm like dead till he kicks me hard in the stomach and kinda yells get up your late for work in a minute. And true when I look at the clock I am. But I got to shower and borrow at least a T from him cos mine has like his cum all over it, and since its dark blue it really sticks out. So when I try to get up which isnt easy cos I'm like S-O-R-E and I try to make my way over to the bathroom to shower he says if I'm nuts or what?? And he says to get the fuck out!! I'm like puzzled and he just grabs me and runs me out, like pushing me and when I'm out the door, he pushed me more so I fall flat on my face on the concrete outside. Then he goes back in and 20 seconds later he throws my keys and my cigs out too and shuts the door. I'm heartbroken am I dumped now or what?? He's thrown me out before a couple times like this but that was only when he was in a hurry and I was messing around holding him up, not like after I got caught lying. So I get up go get my keys and my cigs and like stumble over to my truck up front. And inside it hits me what if that was getting DUMPED?? and I'm out for good?? thats when it really hits me and I sit over my steering wheel and cry like really really hard for like 10 minutes. I cant think how it could be without him, its like my life is over. But then I have to go to work, I'm already kinda in trouble with the manager cos I'm late a lot and he hates it when everyone is like 5 or 10 min late. I was wanting to go to my place first and change but then I'd be really late.

So I go to work like this, and I'm thinking its really warm today and I work with no shirt like I always do when its hot in the shop. I make it to work like 2 minutes early so at least that works and make it to the bathrooms and showers with nobody seeing me too good. I hop in the shower cos the manager was busy with something when I walked through the shop and theirs no customers yet. In the mirror I see I got some blue spots from the hitting on my ribs and my belly. Fuck. But my T has so much cum on it, and it really sticks out. I'm trying to wash it out in the sink and it works kinda but my T is totally wet. So I walk out with it off and holding it like in front of me till I get to my lift. Cody sees me and says hi and says dude ruff night huh and grins. I'm just mumbling something like yeah yeah I dont feel like yakking now.

At my lift I'm hanging up the T so it can dry and I still got a car up their from yesterday so I smear some grease over the blue spots on my ribs and belly and start working. I feel like I'm ready to cry though, what if I'm really dumped? All day the other guys leave me alone, I think they can tell I'm sad. And all day I call my bf like 20 times but I only get his box. Dunno if he's busy or if he wont take my calls. Lucky theirs a lot going on so I'm like busy all day. Even forgot about my tshirt, and at least at the end of the day I have something dry and fairly clean to wear. And I dont know what to do. I'm feeling like going home and crashing so I sleep, but I want to know whats up and if I'm dumped and how I can fix it but I dont know how to. Best I go to him if he wont take my calls all day. I'm thinking I better look hot, maybe he forgivs me easier if hes horny. But what should I wear, and if I go to my place first to change I get their late and maybe he thinks I should just run over after work. Theirs just nothing right. In the end I think its best if I put my uniform on first and then go. He loves this shit and he made me join the group, and he gets off on that POW stuff a LOT. I figure if I show up in my uniform I can show more that I do ANYTHING for him, even all that group stuff and he knows I'm not soo hot for all that anyways. So I speed to my place, change in the BDUs and boots and everything, even the camo cap, and then over to his place. His Volvo isn't there so he is not home. Fuck. I hope he's not fucking the next guy already. I call again and he doesnt answer. By now he's prolly already mad at me for calling so much. So I sit on the steps and wait but after 1 hour it feels stupid and theirs this guy walking by with his dog and looking weird at me in my uniform. Since my truck is parked in the same space as always he will see it and I go sit away a bit where people wont stare. I'm like totally nervus and I think I smoked like 2 packs. He isn't coming, and it's almost 11pm. I feel soooo miserable cos its dawning in me I'm really dumped. Maybe I'm getting too old for him anyways and maybe hes getting tired of me anyways too. Hes fucked me about like 1,000 times ball parkish, and then he catch me lying, maybe thats really it. The longer I'm sitting their waiting for him the worse I feel and I keep tearing up.

So then he finally shows up, Ive been waiting like over 4 hours. And I run over to him. He must have known I'm their cos of my truck and he had to drive right by it. But hes like all surprised and says what the fuck am I doing here and I'm like trying to say I'm so sorry and would do anything if he forgivs me but all I can do is cry and nothing comes really out. I HATE myself for crying he hates wussies and he says oh fuck cut out the tears. Then hes just looking at me and I know the uniform is working. Thank heavens I know him so good. I can see it working in him like hes debating what to do kick me in the ass and tell me to get lost forever or do something. I dont like believe in God, cos how could I, but I'm like praying oh please dont let him make me go. He keeps looking at me for like 5 minutes and not saying nothing and I know better then saying anything now so I keep my mouth shut, like I'm waiting for the verdict like jury but it feels like this is like taking FOR-EV-ER.

So then finally!!! he like sighs and puts his hand out and only says 'truck keys'. I rush and get them out of my pocket and give my keys to him and he just turns around and walks up to my truck. So I follow him and I'm thinking this is good! Thank heavens!! Maybe hes not gonna dump me after all. And I keep thinking as I walk behind him thats like the first night he picked me up at the Eagle when he just came over to me after I kept staring at him all night and just said to pull up my shirt so he could look at my abs and then said hes wanting to fuck me and its gonna hurt bad and just turned around and walked out. Anyways he gets in my truck and I hop in and hes driving down to the park we've been at a couple times at night. Its closed after sundown so theirs like nobody and he parks at the liqor store in the back next and we walk in, me like 3 steps behind, trying to keep up cos hes walking fast. Till we get to the spot we've been at before and he turns around and grabs me by the shirt and pushes me against a tree and then just starts laying it on me without saying one word. Just beating the crap out of me and I'm not fighting him. When he lets me finaly go down to the ground he keeps kicking me all over till I wont even flinch anymore and I'm like about right their where I'm about to pass out. But I'm not mad or nothing, I'm just hoping if this is like punishment hes not gonna dump me, and if he didnt beat the crap out of me I'd just be so over. Then he finally stops and he pulls my BDU pants down to my ankles. Hehehe good I didnt put on any underwear :-)

The fuck is just a quick one just so he gets off but I'm like really happy he fucks. Cos I keep thinking even if he thinks I'm a shithead fucking liar he still gets off on me and my ass. When hes done he says the keys are gonna be on the front tire and hes gonna call tomorrow. The he just walks off. I'm fucking done. It hurts a little that he just leaves me their like this, fucked up with my pants on my ankles but hes gonna call so I'm not dumped!!

I'm staying their all alone for a long while cos I'm fucking hurting like shit. Some wild cat comes by like shes all curious. Walking all the way back to his house is TUFF it takes me like 3 hours or so cos I got to stop a bunch of times. Walking with nuts hurting so bad and no underwear hurts.. a LOT! Its only like 3 miles or so but its hard. Since he left the keys he dont want me to come in so I drive home. I got maybe 2 hours left to sleep and of course I oversleep.

Fuck! So I rush to get to work but for once I get really lucky. I'm walking in thinking what I tell my manager now and Noah pulls me inside the front and says dude take these filters and say I sent you to get them cos Shane wouldnt go do it. And like 10 seconds later or less the manager walks in and says where the fuck have you been its like 9:30!!! And I just say what Noah told me and he looks at me and at Noah and says really?? and Noah says yeah, Shane wouldnt go and we got like customers and we're out so I sent Kevin. I think he knew totally their was something fishy but he let it go. I so totally owe Noah. He's a cool guy.

finally this is soo past due - Valentines

yeah right.. "PAST DUE" like it says on some of the mail i get .. anyways. I've been so busy now I can catch up some. Didn't write anything really since the day before Valentines. So I'm just gonna write the big stuff cos I'm not sure if I get all the days right.

So VALENTINES. I figured I was in for something thats like the total oppisite of what everyone else gets. Since the days before were so great and all, I was sure my bf would do something like real mean or hurt me or both. Like paying up for the days before. He called me at work just before it was going home time and said to go home (thats to my place) and dress a little nicer not the slob I usually am. Thats what he said, I dont look like a slob but he's always like that. Like a shirt or so at least. So I go home and put on some cotton pants and a shirt and then he's about their to pick me up. I'm kinda like real curious but I dont fall for it so easy. He does that a lot that he makes me think one thing and then does like totally the other. I figured he was just trying to make me think we're gonna do something nice I have to dress up for and then he beats the crap out of me in some ditch so all my nice cloths get dirty or messed up. But nothing like that. We're going to some real nice restaurant and hes got a reservation for us but first we go to the bar and he orders like Vodka Martinis. He told them to hold the table we were gonna go hang out at the bar first. I thought that was kinda bold cos the place was fucking FULL. Like everybody was going on Valentines. We had like 2 vodka martinis and then he told the hostess chick we're ready and our table was! I was kinda pretty sure now we had to wait but they kept the table open the entire time. I was just thinking what the fuck?? anyways. So we get this real cute waiter, he looked more like he was just 18. He rattles down like all the specials they got for Valentines, and then he says they also got a special for two like a love special cos its Valentines. Like if we were their for that. So my bf says if we look like some fags to him and at first the guy almost faints, like hes so embarrassed but then my bf is laughing and tells him its ok he makes weird jokes sometimes and he orders the "love special". Its like 3 corse with a bottl e of wine and noodles with chicken and some stuff to pick from like a small bufet cos maybe not both like the same stuff. And fucking expensive!! $65 for 2 without the wine. The waiter dude looks totally releeved like he got out of that one. But hes still like totally red in the face, I guess he didnt know how to take that one and hes like SUPER paying attention till we're gone later. My bf is like in a real good mood and hes talking and making jokes and its like really cool.. only I cant help it, it feels to me like this is just upping it and later I get sooo FUCKED UP. This can't be as good as it is looking, theirs got to be something to it. So the dude brings the appetizers and we're like on our 3rd glass of wine, cos their like really busy. Between taking our order and bringing the appetizers he came by like 10 times at Least!! to check on us. My bf has him bring a new bottle, I figured now we're def already over $100. We were anyways with the drinks before. He never spends like this, and its like my stomach is cramping up some cos I'd rather gone like to chinese takeout and maybe have a sweet night and not go out all fancy and get seriously fucked up later, an on valentines. I was feeling all depressed all day anyways. I mean I love my bf and I dig the stuff we do, even if its sometimes a little crazy, but like on a day like Valentines, cant we be a little nice at least and do what all other boyfriends and girlfriends like for the straights do? This feels like it is going to have a real terrible ending. At least for me. But hey.. if thats what he wants, so be it and I make the best of it. I try to kinda check him out and get a read on him but he's not tipping me off AT ALL. He's just in a real good mood, being funny, talking about work and s-u-p-e-r patient when I'm trying to say stuff and cos I'm so nervous I'm studdering even more then normal. I kind of wish the floor would open up and I'd fall in it and it would be all over.

Anyways, he's in noo hurry and enjoying it. With all the wine and the 2 drinks before I'm getting buzzed. It was kinda hard for me to eat some of the appetizers cos my throat is like clogged and I'm not hungry a lot. But with a good buzz going on I'm kind of relaxing and I'm like kinda glad he's getting buzzed some too. Then we get the main entre and I'm like on my 5th glass and he on his 4th, adn the waiter is a little chill now and he and my bf make jokes about if we like our love meal and that shit and it's like really starting to be fun, and I'm not thinking to much about what it all means maybe. I think the waiter is starting to like us, and he's not bringing like the next corse before we finish, like as if the place was empty and they didnt care how long we sit their. When its in fact like totally crowded and kind of loud. Thats nice. I'm like happy my bf has some pull or gets some respect or whatever and we get to have our sweet ass time. So in the middle of the entres (theirs a big heart on the noddles with tomato sauce and the chicken is like on the side and looking like little hearts too) this guy comes up to our table and its like someone my bf knows and theirs like a big hello with them. I've never seen the guy and my bf like introduce us. He is Justin, good looking guy with muscles and maybe 35 ish or so. My bf says I'm Kevin but nothing more really and the guy shakes my hand. He's sitting with us for a bit and the waiter shows up like in 10 seconds after he sits down and brings like a wine glass for him in like 30 seconds more. I really wonder whats going on cos waiters are never like bending over like this. anyways. That kills the 2nd bottle and my bf gets the next. I got a serious buzz going already. So Justin is like all real nice and asks me what I do and maybe its the booze or what but I even get it out fairly straight! So then he asks my bf how come hes never seen me around and that I'm cute, and he is laughiung and says "cute? hes a hot fuck" and they both laugh and Justin wants to know how long weve known each other and he says 2 years about. I totally get it that Justin must know him better cos everyone else would of have said how long we've been together but he said how long known. At first I'm not sure if I should be a little annoyed that I'm just like a hot fuck and not like boyfriend or cool guy or friend or whatever, or if its just his way to say something nice. But I guess cos of all the booze I forget about it fast. And then Justin takes off anyways after hes done with his wine.

Before dessert my bf says we better let this go down first and he orders a double JD for both of us. I'm like beyond a buzz and cloe to be drunk. I dont drink much so it kicks real good. And he says we better not drive and we make the best of it. And then dessert and afterwards we have another double JD and coffee with foam on top. When we're done and with a fat tip for the waiter hes out over 400. Damn!! I know I should get really scared but I'm way to smashed to worry. Outside we catch a cab and drive to my place. He says we stay at my little eficiency and in the morning I'm gonna drive him back to his car before work. As I'm unlocking the door he puts his hand on my neck and it comes all back to me and I expect him to kick me in the back or something and starting to fuck me up - but nothing happens. He says if I got anything to drink before we go crash and all I got is some vodka but nothing to mix it with. So we drink it straight up and sit on the bed cos I dont have a sofa or anything and he lights up 2 cigs, one for him and one for me. And then after a little while he says if I'm wondering if he is gonna fuck me up now, like he can read my mind. I'm not so sure what I should say but I kinda nod cos thats exactly whats on my mind. And he laughs and says dude relax, your getting it but not tonite. And that its fucking Valentines and for once he's gonna do me right. And then he says thats my boy with a big smile and its true I am, cos im kinda releved.

So we're just sitting on the bed sipping on the vodka and smoking and he pulls me over so my head is in his crotch and looks down to me and puts his hand on my stomach and grins. And then it like dawns on me. he is like really gonna be nice. Looking up in his eyes like this and his hand on my stomach feels so good and I get a boner like I am sooooo fucking horny like from 1-60 in 5 secs ;-) He grins and says strip, like real casual and soft. So I get up and strip totally naked and fast and he does too and then he just like tips me in the back and I let myself fall flat on the bed on my stomach. I hear him rip the cover of the rubber and that nasty sound as it flips in his dick and then he's over me and says to put my ass up and then he RAMS it in. No lube and all the way. If he didnt let him fall himself on top of me I would have jumped right off his dick, squealing. I'm a little pissed at myself for squealing but fuck! And he is going, just the way I like it, hard, like he is trying to push his dick all the way up to my brain, or throat fuck me from my ass (thats how I like to imagine it what he's trying always). And he's not hitting me not squeezing my balls to hell, nothing. Only when he puts his hands on my shoulders I flinch for a second but thats all he does so he can put harder and hold me by my shoulders. This is fucking great!!!! I shoot like a huge load after like 10 mins or so and he keeps going. Like 20 mins or so and we slide off the bed some and I', like on my knees and flat over the bed on the side with my head buring in the covers. Then he cums and he cums GOOD. He even stays in my ass for a bit and I can feel him shake and he's massaging my shoulders and my back. This is soooo (!!!) fucking great. Then I feel him go soft a little and he pulls out and gets up to put the rubber away and pour more vodka and light up more cigs. I know this is like a real little thing, but I LOVE it when he lights up cigs for us both and puts it between my lips. I think that is sooo fucking hot. Like what boyfriends do, even if he doesnt mean it and maybe just thinks its cool or what. I could die for those moments.

So we're just on the bed smoking and drinking and he has his hand in my neck kinda massaging it and he is getting a boner again. I do down some and suck his dick and lick his balls and all and he is like rock hard and playing with my neck and the hair on the back of my head, like totally vanilla. Then he pulls me up and says maybe he should write my name again on my arm like before because tonite hes gonna fuck my brains out. And pushes me over and I cant wait for him to get the damn rubber on. Thats when I hate that I'm poz, it would be soo omuch nicer if he didnt have to put those stupid things on. And then it's like a marathon fuck, and hes saying I'm cumming first but of course I cant after I just blew like a huge load but he dont care and keeps fucking. Working my balls too, some, so I tell him even if he wants to be all nice go for my nutz and he does. He has to put his hand over my mouth some because in my little place the walls are like real thin. Its like over an hour and then I pump a huge load out again, and cos he jerks me up when im cumming its all over both pillows and like a big mess all over the bed, and he keeps pumping even harder and then he cums too. He lets me just plop down and then flips me over so I am on my back and he pulls off the rubber and says open up and lets it all run down in my mouth. Like, what all got in my mouth, half is like all over my face. I'm trying to get it with my fingers to lick them and he is like breathing real heavy and sitting on my knees. He only slides over a bit to get the cigs and the lighter and lights up 2 more for us. He says damn this is a mess and it is. Under me I can feel the cum thats still wet from me, and his is all over my face and we're both like sweaty. He says I guess you have to wash the bed anyways and ashes on my belly. Lol so I do too, and it stays cos of the sweat and he starts writing something with it, like ash and sweat. Feels great. I lie flat on my back so i cant read it and try to feel what he is writing but i cant make it out. So I ask him and he says its "bitch" and he needs more ash. This is fucking hot and feels great and even tho I'm like empty, I dont have a drop of cum left in me, I get a boner again. He's done writing bitch on my stomach and starts playing with my nuts. He isnt hitting them or anything, just playing, rolling them around, flicking them some, light slaps just that kind and my boner is fucking throbbing. And he reaches over and gets another rubber but just puts it on my chest and keeps playing with my balls, alittle rougher but not much and slapping my dick a little. I couldnt get any harder then this and put my hands behind my neck cos I know how much he likes how that makes my stomach stretch up. He gets off my knees and I pull my legs up some and open up wide and he sits between my legs, like on his knees and keeps slapping my balls and playing with them. I'm just lying their with my eyes closed and wondering if my dick is gonna burst cos this is so great. Then he leans forward and plays with my nipples but HARD so I yelp and bend up and he is right over me and my arms just fly around and its like I am hugging him. And his face is like 3 inches from mine and he stares me in the eyes. Its like whos gonna flinch first and look away, sort of. I'm holding on to him and he grabs my legs and pulls them up and I am holding. He goes up a little and pulls me up. He is now on his knees and I am almost only on my shoulders and neck and he lets his hands slide up to my ankles and holding my legs. And as he pulls me upI feel his boner right on my balls. The rubber from my chest was sliding off next to my face as he pulls me higher and then I lock my legs behind him and let go with my hands. He is holding for a second and feels me up on my stomach, sort of wiping the 'bitch' off. But it feels fucking great, I sort of came again but I didnt have no cum left just maybe a drop or so. He grabs the rubber and puts it between my teeth to so hold the corner and he rips it open. And puts it on. Since I sort of came I got sift a little but he is rock hard i can feel it between my legs and on my balls. I am like hanging down from his neck by my legs and he is up on his knees so I only lay on my neck and a little on my shoulders. Then he grabs my legs, like at the thighs and tight, and spreds them and shoves it in, and then he bends down but doesnt let go of my thighs so hes almost breaking my back as he starts pumping hard. But since I'm hanging so weird from him its like his dick is drilling right into my prostate and I'm about to go crazy!!! And I know he knows, I bet he can tell cos I'm wailing like a horny whore. But its like he is trying to break my neck and I'm trying to paddle back with my arms so my spine wont break but its more like flopping around with my arms for no good reason. I'm trying to reach the headboard to pull myself up but i cant reach it. He is hitting my prostate hard like hes trying to drill ahole in it and its almost too much. I'm jerkng left and right to get his dick away but I can only move my upper body he got my thighs so tight I cant move my ass around. Its not that it like really hurts its just like my ass is about to explode and my prostate and I'm wanting to cum but I'm so fucking empty! And hes going like he hasnt fucked in a week and its not the 3rd time in a row!! I'm seriously going crazy I can't take it anymore and I'm begging him to go easy but of course he isnt, he just pulls me a little tighter even and fucks harder. My ass feels like its in fever and I can feel my prostate like its growing and growing and about to blow up. I dont feel the pain in my back so much anymore like its gone numb or something and I am going seriously NUTS. Like flashes and my ears pop and I hear myself howl but I dont feel it and I see my dick get hard but I dont feel that also. Its like hes fucking into my prostate and with every push its about to give in more and more till it blows up. Its too much and i feel tears running down my face and I beg and beg him but I dont think is more then weird mumbles that come out of my mouth and I start seeing black clouds with stars and then its like my ass blows up and its like this brightness all around me. I'm CUMMMMING and even though it should have been like dry cum organism, i feel it shoot in my face like he squeezed it out of me somehow their shouldnt have been any. I think I screamed really loud too and then I'm like totally no power and he lets go of my legs and I'm just like hanging all limp from him and he cums too.

then he gets up and I just flop down and cant move. My heart is like racing and I'm wet from sweat and cum and the bed is wet under me from sweat too. My head is spinning and I cant move and I dont want to. I hear him go taking a piss and he smokes one more and I'm about to fall asleep. More like starting to pass out. I'm thinking damn when he says hes going to fuck my brains out he really does it. I'm wasted!!! But I feel fucking great, only its like I got pushed way far, like I'm really going crazy. Or at least sex crazy. It feels weird lying their with my legs spread far, my cum running down from my ribs on one side and I'm too tired to even wipe it. My arms on the side and I dont even want to move them one inch, like I have zero power left in me. And my back hurts like FUCK. I feel him get into the bed but I'm almost out and pull the covers over and flipping me some so we're like spooing and he puts his arm around me and he KISSES ME IN MY NECK!!! I'm in fucking heaven but only maybe 1 minute cos then I'm gone!

I think he may have humped me in the night but I'm not sure. When he wakes me up its day and i have a HUGE hangover. My head hurts real bad. He is still behind me spooning me and talking in my ear but it's like on a radio when the station isnt tuned in right, I hear him talking but its not getting in my brain. He's holding me tight and then its get to me he is saying its getting late we got to go but he isnt moving only his boner is poking in my back. I am thinking you cant be seriously fuck me again now .. and then I'm thinking I'm stupid of course he can and would but he isnt. He gets up but hes only coming around the bed and grabs me by my arm and pulls me out of the bed and then up so I'm on my knees and staring at his boner and he says to open up and wants me to suck. But I'm not too awake yet and sore and have a hangover so I cant get into it too good and suck lousy, I know. I'm trying but my mouth is so dry. He is horny though and he locks his hands behind my neck and throat fucks me, like with no mercy deep down. Since I'm so weak I have serious trouble getting air and he does it on purpose like push in and keep it in and then only pull back a little and real short so I can only get like a little bit of air. Its real fast I get in like real panic and try to push him away but theirs no chance he has his hands locked behind my head and wont let go and I get to buck and suck air like desperite when he pulls out a little. Its like his dick gets bigger in my throat every time he is pushing. With me hangover I'm getting a little dizzy with so little air and I grab his ass for like support and its like his muscles are hard as steel then he lets me get like one deep suck of air but he pushs back in before I can breath out, and then he lets me breath out but not get more air. And then he cums and as he cums he pulls out a little and I try to get air and all his cum gets in my lungs, like I'm even sucking it in! Then he pulls out and lets go of me and the rest of his cum goes all over me and I'm like coughing like CRAZY. I got most of his cum all in my lungs and it hurts and I am coughing and spitting and trying to get air all at the same time. Its taking me at least 10 mins till I am halfway back to normal, curled up on the floor, and he is already out of the shower and says to hurry up, its late.

I slouch in the shower like an old man, I'm so sore and still have to cough and spit some. I am worn out and I have a real bad hangover but after a HOTTTT shower I feel a lot better and good. I keep thinking I'm lucky he knows exactly how to treat me right and what I need. I got like one of those moments as I got in my clothes, like when you know its what you need if its fun or not sometimes. And I know its what I need, his fucks are like worse then the biggest drugs, like addictive. Only with drugs its like your always chasing the big one and it never comes, with him its like you get it only you have to have it over and over again. And I know cos I used to be a junkie real bad. With drugs its like your never satisfied and try over again and you know its still never really gonna happen but you cant stop anyways. With him its like OH MY GOD you get off like crazy and you want it all the time and more, and it dont matter at what cost. Anyway sometimes I get these flashes where I know myself.

So we rush out finally and he makes me stop at a Starbucks first. I'm like real antsy because I'm already late for work. He has like all the time in the world to chat up the chick behind the counter and then wait till some dickhead is finally ready putting his sugar and cream in so he can put his half and half in, and I just want to gogogogo cos I'm so late. Next to the milk and sugar counter is this geek, like about my age with a belly, like fat, and has his laptop on and is talking on the phone. Not just phone cos its like one of those hearing aid blutoth things and hes not just talking but yelling about programming something in flash like being all important and smart. Asshole. We're standing right next to him and hes yelling and it hurts in my head cos of the hangover. My bf is grinning from ear to ear and when we walk out he says if I heard that idiot and him talking about flash and he says that motherfucker has no clue that without the guy standing next to him therir wouldnt be no flash to program. I would have told the idiot but he is like that he would never like show off.

Anyways so I drop him off at his Volvo at the restaurant and the head off to work, and finish 2 bottles of water that i keep in the truck for my hangover. At work I'm running over to my boss to tell him I'm sorry for being late, but hes busy and doesnt want to listen to my studdering and just says its ok dont worry get going. Later i find out Shane been an ass and I missed it (thank hevens) and thats why he didnt care if i was late.

So that was Valentines.