Unterwater Blow Jobs

someone just sent me this pic... as the readers of my blog know I did LOTS and LOTS of them underwater as a teen

i think that is why I am so much into underwater stuff, getting my balls squeezed, fucked, drowned and all that, waterboarding etc

hot pics huh?

of course from me myself only very few pics... the wanted to fuck me back then not take pics plus i was underage of course ... so thats me here at 15 (again its somewhere long ago on my blog alredy):

wish I had more from back then. hot times....

Flecktarn Feb 8th - now location

Last evening was flecktarn night again like very Wednesday evening.

Went direct from work, and pulled over at a parking lot to change from my work cloths in the flecktarn uniform and boots. After last week weere flecktarn got cancelled it was at a new place this time. Not even a dive bar but it looked more like a 4H hangout ... no bar or anything and they had the beers in ice chests. When I got there, only 5 other guys were there, i think word hadnt got around where it was and not many more showed up later, and my boyfriend didn't come either. He would have been ok for me not to go but Master Mitchell wouldnt have it. He was there and also was Big Joe that muscle black guy that hates my guts. I wasn't feeling too good when I saw Joe was their ... and he had that mean grin already on his fat face when I came in.

Joe waved me right over to him when I walked in and so I went to him and the first thing he did was punch me totally hard low in the guts so I folded and went down right in front of him. He didnt even get up from his stool. When I was down on my knees in front of him holding my gut he said "you and I we are gonna have some fun tonight" and kicked me so I fell back on the floor. He said to get up and then to sit on a chair in the corner and he threw a can of beer at me, which I caught. Lucky, 'cos else it would have hit me in the head. So I sat down on the chair drinking the beer and waited what next.

It is basically a big room, on the side of a garage/barn building, just like I said like a 4H meeting room. At the one wall were chairs all stacked up and a few standing around and on the other some folding tables, 2 or 3 set up the reat folded and leaning against the wall. 2 big ice chests on the floor with the beer and drinks, two solid square posts to support the roof, like 12x12's, and a few tall stools to sit on. The room has a big double-wide door to the parking lot and another wide door to the barn/garage in the back.

After about 20 mins, Joe and the guys drinking a couple beers to warm up, Master Mitchell showed up and said hi to the guys and grabbed a beer himself. To me, he just looked and pointed to one of the big posts without one word, so I got up and stood against it. I already knew I would go on the post the whole time.

Then after standing against the post for a while like stupid, Master Mitchell waved the 2 younger guys over to me and they tied my wrists and then my elbows together tight behind the post and then also my boots so my feet were more on the sides of the post and not in front, making me kind of hang against the rope, I didn't have a balance.

Then Big Joe came over and unbuttoned my flecktarn shirt and said to me "don't you love it when a nigger beats the shit out of your white ass" and had this mean wide smile across his black face. I guess it's ok if they call themselfs that, I always get in trouble for it.

Then he punched me really hard about 20 times or so, slow and mothodically, one over the navel and one below and so on and then 3 right upwards in the solar plexus. Big Joe has huge arms so his punches really hurt. I could maybe flex up for the first 5 but with that weird way I was hanging in the ropes and how he laid it in, I couldn't for long and then he went in deep. After that first round I felt pretty beat already and in tears but I knew this was war from over. The others guys were all cheering him on and laughing.

Then Big Joe grinned even meaned and pushed my chin up so he could get right in my face and look me in the eye and big big belly touched mine and he said "arent you gonna cry for me you little lillywihte fuck" and then nailed me hard in the balls with his knee and he got both really bad and it made me scream out loud. I had halfway expected it, I know Big Joe too good but also half not.

With that he left me hanging there at the post and I was retching hard. I couldn't even kinda put my legs together because they tied my boots so that they were on the sides of the post. I cramped pretty badly because I was just hanging their and it really hurt in my shoulders since they had also tied my elbows together. So i was just retching and spitting on the floor trying not to be sick. My balls were hurting like FUCK even tho he had only kneed me once but hard with a vengince.

They left me alone for a while, they were drinking beer and joking and stuff. I guess 45 mins or so? My shoulders were hurting really bad by then just from hanging their so weird. Then Master Mitchel told the two younger guys to go over "to fuck with him". They were at first a litle awkward like they didn't know what to do best so one of them took swings with his fist at my balls and the other grabbed some pieces of rope and tied them at the end and then hit me with the big nott swinging it at me hitting my shoulders and chest and ass and legs.

The Big Joe came back over again and I cringed a little cos I knew this was not going to be fun and he grabbed my throat and pushed my head up so i wasn't hanging their so limp and I could hardly breath then, and he said "now you got to cry for me baby like a little girl" and he started kneeing me in the balls and after the 3rd I was crying pretty hard. He did it about 10 times and in the end asked "want me to stop white boy" and I said yes please but he didn't. Then I got sick and started to throw up a little and he let me be and the other guys untied me and Master Mitchel told them to take me outside, and they did that. They more or less carried me, I couldn't walk on my own. Outside I really threw up then and they didn't hit me or anything, they just dropped me and waited until I was done and then they helped me up again and one of them asked if I needed a minute but I know better... best to go right back in. If Master Mitchell has to send someone after us to check that makes it only much worse.

I thought maybe with that I was hopefully done for the night. When Big Joe busts my balls he does it with a hate and so hard it feels he wants to break them for good so I was in really serious fucking pain and crying still. The guys helped me back inside and Master Mitchel told one of them to "hold the little fuck up" and Big Joe punched my gts a couple more times really REALLY hard saying "now you wont puke in my fucking face you little white sissy shithead". The guy holding me up and a hard time to do that because I doubled over so hard from the punches. After a few of those he couldn't and let go and I fell down hard. Big joe kicked me teice in the guts when i was on the floor and then let go.

They left me right there on the floor and about a half hour later they were done for the evening, nobody else was going to show up I gess. So they just dragged me outside and dropped me next to my LTD in the dirt, and Big Joe said "if I needed a good night kiss" but I gess I flinched and he laughed and then they all left. A little while later I felt good enough to get into my car and drive home (to my boyfriends place) but he wasn't home yet so I showers and went to bed. When he came home later too, he came to bed a while later and of course was horny like always and he noticed I took a beating when he slapped my nuts and I jumped. He said seems like i had got beat up good and said "thats hot" and didn't hold back at all getting himself off on (in) me. That was pretty wild, i was glad he got off very good but i didn't cum this time I was way too beat. But he let me cuddle up with him after he was done.

Tired, Beaten, and Happy!

Tonight we met up with Stukka for dinner. I just about made it after work, cos I had to shower and stuff. He is the guy who started the Kramtoad group on facebook. And who calls ballbusting "kramtoading"...

Josh has a HUGE boner for him and Stukka's bf Cooper is in London right now (England) but he didn't try to take Stukka home to fuck him even though I think Stukka was game, kinda.

Josh said for that I "would get it" when we got home. For not taking Stukka home. He knew I was watching what he'd do about Stukka.

That made me happy.. he picked me over Stukka.

What does he think, I suddenly get scared from him threatening me to beat me up? I got a BONER! Not like I'd  get it anyways, all it takes is him feeling like it.

Of course I did get it :-) ... but hey its 10pm and I am already sitting at the PC again so it wasnt so bad and I got to shoot a big load for him (not as big as his..he got off gooooood!).

This time he really hit me, before he even started on my nutz.

I am so happy Josh rather did it with me than Stukka. I now Josh (my Josh) has a BONER for Stukka (the other Josh), and Stukka is probably easier game now since his bf is gone to UK since he (Cooper) doesn't really bust so hard (not so much his thing)... so  while he's gone... :) I think Stukka was game tonight.


So yeah... I am happy!

Thanksgiving Flecktarn Night

Wednesday evening just before Thanksgiving was Flecktarn night like every Wednesday. I was 20 mins late. We had so much to do. Like everyone was leaving town and had to get their truck fixed the last minute. I had like 3 people breathing down my neck to finish stuff up, even after we were already closed. Then I changed in my flecktarn uniform in my truck - no time to go home first. Thats why I had everything in the bag anyway, this isn't the first time. But there was also a lot of traffic so I was 20 minutes late. But there were only a few guys, and my boyfriend Josh wasn't there yet either. Nobody was tied to any of the 2 poles yet.

Just saw with the other 4 guys at the bar and had a beer at the end of the bar on the last stool. They left me alone and after about 10 min or so Josh came and sat with me, and then Master Mitchell and his Russian boy came a little later, and then 2 more guys but that was it. Small crowd, I guess because of the holidays. Nobody made a move to get anyone tied up. From everyone there, I was the only one that was in question anyway and the only one in flecktarn. but I also didn't want to just go and stand at the pole and wait till anyone ties me up and punches me. I figured I just wait and see. I just kept a low profile and sucked on my beer. Everyone else was talking, and so I just watched and listened.

Master Mitchell and his boy kept doing Vodka shots with some of the guys and they got more rowdy. Josh had gone over and sat with them. I was just sitting by myself in the corner. An hour or so into that, and a lot of vodka shots, Mitchell and Josh called me over and said if I wanted to get tied up and get my beating for the night. But then someone said they would have to get up for that so they had me come over to them to get it. So I went and stood in front of Master Mitchell but he wasn't suddenly in a good mood anymore and said I knew better than that. I didn't come close enough and I did not stand up straight and did not put my hands behind my back, and my boots 2 feet apart. I fixed that, and Josh pushed me forward towards him. Then Mitchell got up from his stool and grinned again, and then he punched me hard in the guts, right below the navel. Mitchell does martial arts do he can deliver punches. Of course I bent over, but I left my hands in my neck (I know better than be tempted to take them away). He grabbed my head and pushed it down a little more and said if I was ready to suck his dick and everyone was laughing. But then he raised up his knee and kicked me in the chest, that straightened me back up, but I stumbled backwards into the other guys who were sitting at the bar. They caught me and pushed me back a little so I could get my balance and stand. Then Mitchell grabbed me by the shirt (still had my hands up behind my neck, I did not let the arms go down) and pulled me a couple steps intp the room and turned me around and stepped back a bit. Then he kicked me full force in the balls, tip of his boots dead on. I tried my best to keep standing, but it was just too much. No wonder, when I have to go to his place once a month, he always ties me up so I can't go down. The pain was just too much, I went down on my knees and tried to breathe. They laughed and then ignored me and went back to their vodka shots. I took my hands down and held my balls and felt the pain shoot up from my balls. I was on my knees bent over holding my balls and trying to tough it out.

A couple minutes later Joe got up to take a piss. He is that big black guy who has it still out for me. Even though its been settled between us, since I don't call him nigger to his face anymore and he got to beat me up and fuck me in front of Josh. But he is always on my case anyways. So he got up and walks around the bar for the reatrooms and stops right where I am still on the floor on his way and kicks me in the side and says I am in the way. There are 6 feet in front and behind me, so I really wasn't in the way. And he kicks me again and says get up! and out of the way! SO I work myself up but I am not standing yet when he kicks me hard in the ass, so I fly forward towards the back and fall down again.

But he is right behind me and kicks me in the back and says why I am in the way and to get up. WHen I am on my arms and knees to get up, he kicks me again, really hard this time, in the gut. Fuck that really hurt, and I feel I'm wretching some. But Joe just grabs the neck of my flecktarn shirt and pulls me up with just one arm. He is a big guy, and my 150 pounds are not like a huge weight for him. Then he keeps pushing me, still holding me by my shirt collar on his arm, stretched out straight in front of him, and I am stumbling towards the back and restroom in front of him. From the bar there is laughing and someone yells to "bring him back and don't fuck him up in there" and more loud laughing.

Joe just runs me hard into the wall and then pulls me back by my collar and slams me into the wall again. Theh he lets go and turns me around and pushed my back against the wall and puts his left hand on my shoulder, so I stay there. Then he has this grin on his face looking down to me that I know all to well and asks where I want it. I know better than to say anything. He has at least 50 pounds of muscle on me and a foot taller. From all the other flecktarn nights I know when not to have a smart mouth, and I am not tempted to call him a nigger anymore anyway. It's just not worth it. Doesn't mean he still hates me and I get my share every Wednesday evening from him when he is there; a little more or less.

He says it doesnt look like anyone gets tied up to one of the poles tonight, but I surely want some right? I didn't plan to say anything, but he is waiting for me to say something. I was about to say something like "do it or leave me alone" .. but sometimes it helps that I studder so badly, since I didn't get more out then "d - d- d- d-" and he got impatient already and said that I was "such a shit" and started punching me hard. Joe's punches are like a steel hammer, his arms are as big around as my legs. His left hand is like a claw on my shoulder that keeps me fixed to the wall and from bending over or going down and it seems like its like no effort to him to hold me like that. That guy has so much power. Really sucks that hes a black. He punches me like 7 or 8 times and with the second or so while I try to keep my ab muscles flexed, It seems he is punching them right through against my spine and hurting my spine by squeezing it between my abs and the wall with every one of his punches.

The last one is going up and right into my solar plexus. That instantly killed my air and my legs went like rubber. Before I can drop down, though, he catches me and pushes me hard back up against the wall, and is like leaning against me, while I am desperately trying to get air in my lungs. After a couple of seconds heaving and gasping for air, and feeling my stomach cramping, he says into my ear "so, white boy you know whats next, right?" god I hate tis mo-fo but I can't say anything that would make it only worse. I can't say anything, anyway, cause I am still trying to get air, it feels my lungs are cramped and crumpled up from that punch upwards in my solarplexus. I feel Joe forcing his knee between my legs to open them up, and I don't resist it (whats the point). I know I am trembling and I feel it but I am still without air.

Then Joe rams his knee up the first time, dead in my balls. Oh my god! He is leaning against me with all his weight, and it pushed me up a little. It hurts so much that I suck in air being pushed up, but I can't scream, on breathing out, it's more like a whine I am making and I feel tears on my face. This fucking big nigger is doing whatever he wants with me and he is so much bigger. And I am almost hugging the guy, I have no way else with my arms since he is so close against me. The pain from my balls is going up and down in waves in me, my legs are total rubber, I am just hanging at the wall from the pressure of his big body leaning against me. He is working his knee again to get my legs open wide enough again, and I can't help I am choking up, because its all so helpless for me. And then he knees me a second time. I bet he makes every effort to knee me as hard as what hes got with his big legs. BANG! This time I scream out and then the pain really kicks in and I am sobbing hanging with my chin on his shoulder, and hyperventilating at the same time. I can feel him laughing at me and he is grabbing my ass with both his hands and like kneading it. The he puts his left arm around me and my neck, so my chin stays on his shoulder, and pulls back, so I am literally hanging on him, feet and boots off the floor, and still kind of hugging him, now more so he won't break my neck by which I am hanging on him, not because I don't know where to put my arms. And he says to me, like whispering in my ear, "so, white boy" (he always calls me that when there is nobody in ear shot, just because I used to call him nigger), "one more and you don't walk today.. your boyfriend won't like have" (yeah and he doesn't want to piss of Josh) "and he's gonna fuck you up later". And: "hmmm I would let you suck me off, but from you I'll prolly catch something." I am wondering if his dick is hard now, but I can't feel it one way or the other the way I am hanging from him (he is HUGE, one of the fattest I have seen - and felt as you know -). And then he says this time i get off easy and just lets me drop and I fall down hard.

With that he goes inside the restroom and takes a long piss and whistles!! I am curled up on the floor with the broken little tiles, and can't help the tears. I am retching, I am trying not to throw up.

Then he comes out again and kicks me and says get up, I have to bring you out with me, can't be having Josh get all pissy. You have to think of it like how the niggers talk, like ebonics. I can't write it like that. Just sucks. I can't get up yet so he grabs my left wrist off my balls and twsist my arm and make sme get up. I am stumbling in front of him again, with like rubber legs, but he makes my arm hurt so bad, I have to stay up. Back outisde in front of the bar he lets go and i fall down, on my knees, right in front of Master Mitchell.

And Mitchell says "hello hello hello we were waiting for you.. did you have fun in there?" And everyone is laughing hard. They must have done 10 shots while we were back there. And he tells me to get up and says I can't just have fun. I am trying to but I have a hard time to get on my legs, so he tells the others to  help me. So two of them get up, Mitchells Russian boy and one other ans get me on my feet and the fucking Russian gets behind me and holds me up, his arms under mine and then crossed in my neck.. so Mitchell has me all presented to him. Russian Boy behind me kicks my legs open and he keeps saying shit in russian in my ear. No clue what it means but I don't think it needs translation. Anyway, I get two hard kicks from Mitchell and with the second Russian Boy lets me go and I am just crumpled up on the floor holding my balls, crying, and trying not to throw up.

After that, they ignore me and keep drinking. I just stay there, even after the pain gets better. If I got up, they just get me again. After a while Josh gets up to take a piss, and he grabs me and makes me sit on a bench on the side and says "don't get drunk I need you to drive. And get a fucking grip on yourself." Yeah yeah thats Josh allright. No wonder, the way they have been doing shots, nobody of them can drive. Russian boy doesn't seem drunk at ALL, all the others definitely are way past it. The guy behind the bar isn't arguing he just put the bottles on the bar and ice. I am glad I can just sit on the side and watch, and nobody pays any attention on me. When Josh comes back from his piss, he sits next to me for a second and looks at me. Then he says "quit the crying you look ridicelous" and gets up and back with the others.

It's not too long after that, that they are tired and want to go home. LOL, Mitchell almost fell off his stool, he is THAT drunk!!! I've always heard never drink vodka with a Russian, but what do i know. I know the twisted fucker (both the Russian and Mitchell, which ever you thought I meant). The Russian guy looks like he's been having only water.

Josh comes over and says gimme your keys, so i do and he hands them to the bar guy and says to him to watch the truck or else. You can't leave a car there overnight or its gone or broken in. The bar dude roll shis eyes cos that means he has to watch it to put is somewhere safe but we are too good business plus hes too fucking scared to say anything. So then I have to get up and drive Josh in his truck. Good thing is, I get to go home with him :-)

Not that I feel much like driving, but no choice and I only had 5 or 6 beers earlier. And of course I don't want Josh to drive cos he is defo way past it. Outside i catch a backhand from Mitchell, and he tells me to be a good boy.

Fromt here we go to Josh's place. For a moment I was afraid he'd make me go to The Eagle first or some place but I guess he's had enough. At his place he just smacks me a little and racks me once and then we sleep. A couple hours later at 3 or 4, the usual happens, Josh is sobered up enough, horny and waking up, so he wakes me up and I get my share again. At least it's Thanksgiving and I don't have to get out the house at 7am like normally. Of course he punches my sore nuts but then he fucks me good and I cum a goooood load. Not the 8-footer but good.

Happy Thanksgiving!


.....

Thursday again and the Fort Hood Massacre

of course the big news today is the Fort Hood massacre. Crazy. When I heard it on the radio this afternoon of course I was shocked at first but then I thought of course Josh isn't on base right now but at the airfield in Fort Worth. Anyway there are 30,000 to 40,000 people in Fort Hood at any time so it wouldn't have been likely that he could have been any of the 11 killed or 31 wounded.



But you always think the worst. He was followign it close too I know and I called him on my break. Really sucks. But nobody he knows got hurt today. Thats good for us but of course it totally sucks for the families of those that got killed or wounded.

Otherwise my day was busy. WE AR TOTALLY SWAMPED. No idea whats going on.. maybe its the new guy that got Noah's job. I dunno but that is the only thing that changed lately, and the people even make lines now waiting for services and we have to park cars in the street! That must have been 2 or more years that we had to do that last. I flushed 3 radiaters today and did5 or 6 engine oil service and 3 transmissions, and thats not even all. Even had to cut my lunch short.. that was good though, first the manager came and gave me $20 cash if I went back to work right after eating (and no nappy) and then the custonmer tipped me another $10 cos he was waiting and he saw that I got back early on his car from lunch .. not bad!!!

Comes in real handy. Even though I don't have to pay for Noah's health insurance anymore so we don't lose the plan and I dont lose my insurance, I have to pay rent now that I have my own place again. If Josh would let me move in I'd be rich but hey he just wont have that ... the co-pay for my meds is still whats killing me

Last night was flecktarn, so I was a little queezy all day till afternoon sometimes. Good queezy though. At first they didn't take me, but the guy who got tied to "my" post didn't last all the way so when he crapped out they got me anyways, later. Was good last night.. I got gutpunched HARD for 30 minutes and that was it. At the end. Joe the big black guy gave me one hard knee in the balls.. I swear he always is out to break mine. But that was it and the guys were talking for a bit and I got to ride with Josh to his place :-) I figured he was fucking horny after all of this and I know him too good. I got my real beating for the night from him and he royally fucked my brains out.... nothing is as good as its with him!!! He didnt even kick me out after so I could sleep next to him. Of course like almost always he woke me at 3 or 4 for another fuck but I'm used that he wont let me sleep through. SO I had a hard time to keep my eyes open at first this morning and almost rear-ended a truck. But then it was so busy at work I forgot all that.

I guess thats all for today. I'm heading over, he said he would be later today cos of all the stuff going on down in Fort Hood tonight

One more nasty thing so I'm done with it

He my bf was still kinda crappy with me after I was at Mitchells but at least I wasn't dumped and he let me stay over and fucked me. But he hardly talked with me so I kept quiet and let him do whatever. When he fucked me he tried just to get off and not make it fun for me but I was so happy he didn't dump me I got off anyways.

So the next weekend we went to like this bar to hang out with a couple of the guys from the group for beers and Mitchell was their too. He kind of parked me at the bar between some black guys from the army in Fort Hood and told me to stay with my ass on that chair. I didnt like being between all the black guys. This was just a social thing not even in uniform like always. The black guys were like all of them with bling and gold chains and all that shit and talking in their funny way. I hate black guys. You would too if you was locked up with 3 horny other blacks a little older in a room for 2 weeks in juvi and got beat and raped. They would even beat me up if i was gonna bend over for them anyways, just for kicks and beating up on a white guy. Anyways.

So my bf was hanging with Mitchell on the other side and then he came over and wanted my truck keys cos he and Mitchell were gonna go somewhere and we came in my truck. He said to the others in case they didnt get back in time if they would give me a ride home. Then they took off. He didnt come back for a long time and I was gonna go away from the bar but they said if i wasnt told to sit right their or what?? So I stayed I didnt want to get in a tiff with them. Then I had to piss and when I got up they said I wasnt suposed to and I said I got to piss from all the beer so they said oh ok but one of them came right after me. At the urinal he stood like right behind me, and I was thinking what the fuck but I better didnt say nothing. And then he says if I like black dick and I was a cocksucker for sure and I was like no I'm not. And then he was like if I was going to piss or what, so I couldnt just not do it and I had to really bad anyways so I got my dick out and started to piss and he was like right behind me. A foot taller then me abouts and he was looking over my shoulder and said come on show me what youve got and I told him to leave me alone but he just pulled my pants down all the way and said come on all white boys love black dick. This was NOT good, I needed to get this horny fucker away from me. When I was done pissing he turned me around and made fun of me and said haha white dicks are always so little but then he let me pull up my pants. Before he let me leave the restroom tho he grabbed my ass and said nice one and if I ever got some black dick up their for good. I just shook my head, that was about the last thing I'd do, tell him yeah and how much I hated it and getting into all that.

So back at the bar I sat on my chair again and was praying my bf and Mitchell would show up soon but it got later and later and the other guys all started to leave. So the three black fuckers left with me at the bar said we better get going and where I was wanting to go and even though I was wanting to go to my bfs house I wasnt sure if that was cool to tell them so I said Addison to my place. And they said hey if we give you a ride you're inviting us right and I had to pay my tab and theirs. I almost didnt have enough cash on me for that. ASSHOLES. God if I didnt love my bf so much I would of have never joined that stupid group. I always only get fucked with!

So we're out to the parking lot and they got like this old crown vic on huge rims. Old police car only painted in like a weird metal flake color and 22 inchers on them. And a real shitty lift kit, the wheels wont even turn much without scratching the fender and making wierd noises. This is like so stupid! He had to go like 10 times frowards and back to get out of the parking space. I had to get in the back and the guy next to me got like frisky fast. Like how much I was wanting to suck all their dicks and that for sure I was hoping to get all their dicks up my ass and get like fucked real good. All I said was no and just get me home but this got too weird and the guy was still backing the car out cos of the stupid rims and I was thinking I better walk home or get me a cab but after paying their tabs I had not enough for a cab but even hitchhiking would be better. So I thought I get out of here but then the door didnt open and the guy next to me saw that and laughed like really hard and he said dude child locks! And that little white boys get scared too easy of some real dicks thats why. I knew then I was in big trouble and when we got on the road they didnt turn on I20 to Dallas but the other way and I knew they werent dropping me off like they said. Insted they drove all the way to Fort Worth and then south and stopped at some shithole trailer park full of rundown singlewides. At first I was trying to say like hey your going the wrong way but they were all like hey dude we just party some more with you and that they knew I was like dying to ride some black dick and show how good I can suck cock and all that. The guy in the back with me got really frisky with me and tried to get my head down in his crotch but I was fighting him and they guys in the front were like laughing and telling him to warm me up a little and we like really struggled in the back. He guy could have just whacked me they were all big guys and fit with muscles a lot, all much taller and bigger then me. But he was just playing with me, till he got my shirt off and my t, and I fought it. When he got my shirt off he put it up front like a trophy and then same with my tshirt.

Then he was just feeling me up all over and telling the guys up front how white I was and a firm bubble ass and like wrestling me around. In the end for the last couple miles he had me like sitting on his lap and pushed forward so that he was like behind and over me and his arm around my neck chocking a little and my head between the front seats. The fucker on the passenger seat was taking to me how much I was gonna get off getting pounded by them and I'd love the party with them. Yeah right! fuck that. I was just thinking how I could get out of this and I didnt see much options ;-( I started wondering too if I got set up for this or if they just thought they could do it with me. But I couldnt see my bf doing this to me, he knows what I've been through in juvi and jail and how much I hate blacks. Anyway theirs no point now I got to get through this.

So when they stop at the trailer i dont want to get out and I fight them and trying to tell them I want to go home. Fat chance. They're just laughing and high5ing and saying the little white fucker is scared of some real dicks and all that. So they end up pulling me out of the crown vic in the end by my legs and I'm like really fighting them, kicking with my sneaks but their not getting like really mad its more like they get off on me fighting it. And maybe cos I couldnt really kick any of them hard enough to make them mad. So after they get me out they push me over the trunk down hard, two of them, and the other unlocks the door to the singlewide. The two guys like feel me up and feel up my ass and between my legs and keep telling me how much I'm wanting it and its just my stupid white pride that keeps me fighting it and no worries they'd help me get over it fast. So then they push me inside and that trailer is a fucking DUMP! Trash everywhere and I see a roach in the sink and tons of empty bottles and like half the lights are broken. They push me on the dirty floor and I'm lying on my back and they are standing around me and one says what should we do first with the little bitch.

I'm trying to get up and making a last effort to get out and run but they keep pushing me down. And say what a feistty little white boy. I didnt think blacks would even know they workd feisty the way they talk smack. So one says hey kiddo dont you want to strip for us we know how much you want to suck and ride real cocks. And one of them kicks me like a bit to get me moving and so I kick one of them in the shin really hard and I got him and he gets all mad and says you little SHIT your sucking me first for that. Its turning a little sour now and they let me get up and I say no way (and even get it out in one piece) and I want out. But they guy I kicked says stop this shit and get down and I look him in the eye and say no way and I get that out clean too! I'm really scared but I'm not just giving in. Plus I know how these people are. I've been through it too often they are going to fuck me over anyways before they get their fun. Its like racism backwards and they're doing it. At least I want to keep my pride. It still really really bugs me today how, back when in juvi, I was just trying to bend over for them to fuck me so they would stop hurting me so bad, and they never did anyways only I felt like shit afterwards cos I didnt even try to fight it. If their was anything I could do I would not just let them and I was for sure not just gonna suck his fucking black dick and FOR SURE i wouldnt be stripping for them like I was wanting it with them. No fucking way. I was scared shitless but I know how it works and I was really proud of myself how I was handling it and not just cave in like a sissy. Didnt make me feel a lot better cos I know what I'm in for and that it wouldnt be easy.

So then the guy that was behind me suddenly grabs my arms and pulls me tight, and the guy I kicked pulls down his sweat pants and strokes his dick a little and gets hard and says he knows how much I'm dying to suck this. He's pretty big and it makes me feel sick looking at it. Its not fair they got big dicks all of them, or most at least. All I say is FUCK YOU and I start kicking and bucking around. But he just stepped back a little so I couldnt reach him and I try to kick back, the guy that was holding me so tight, but he just grabs me harder and then runs forward like fast and slams me in the corner next to the door and hard! Its hurting my shoulder and my ribs, and he steps back and does it like 3 more times. That really hurts and I quit the kicking and I'm like a little hanging off him. Then the third guy comes up and he says you fuckers are all the same, putting up a big show and then beg to get black cocks up your ass and then you feel all guilty in your white skin. And he says to the guy thats holding me maybe we should just make him fucking beg if hes gonna be such a dickhead. Then he stands like right in front of me and starts twisting my nipples and says if I kick him or kick ever again he would break my legs. He is twisting really hard and I have to wince and I get a little teary. The other guy is really holding me tight.

The the nipple twister says if I'm now a good like white cocksucker and do what he knows I want anyways, and party with them and get off good or if I was gonna be a fucker that needs to learn how to beg and not make such a fucking stink first up. My choice. My head is racing, I'm thinking I get it one way or the other and maybe these three are different and their not gonna bet the crap out of me first and then fuck, maybe if I swallow my pride since its too late now anyways I get away just with some fucking and sucking and they use maybe rubbers too if I ask. Who knows what else they all got, I'm poz but they prolly have all kinds of STDs anyways. Then it dawns on my maybe see havent seen the plus under my group tatt so I say guys I'm POZ like thats a way out. They all just laugh real hard like I made a huge joke and the guy in front of me says he was knowing all I was thinking about was getting fucked!! It dawned on my that was a mistake to say it cos they knew I was thinking about the fucks. Damn!

So the guy says whats it gonna be, good white fuck boy or bad white fuck boy? I'm looking in his eyes, and I just KNOW he's just wanting to get to me. He is like all the other black fuckers with a white guy, they were going to beat me anyways and fuck or whatever. So I say fuck you, but I was also so scared it was more like a whisper then like really saying it. And he like YELLS in my face MOTHERFUCKER!!! And then he starts punching me hard in my guts, like so hard it pushes all the air out of my lungs. The guy that has his dick still out says hit low or hes gonna puke on the floor. And the guy keeps hammering. Its like getting a baseball bat rammed in, and low, belly button and below. At first I tried to flex my abs but I didnt last more then maybe the first 5 and then he is going all the way in. I'm like bending over and cramping up but the big guy holding me pulls me up tight and so I'm almost off the floor with my sneaks. Then the guy stops punching and looks me in the eye and says oh hes already crying! But I wasnt he was just making fun of me. And he says you white sissy boys are all the same, big mouth and cant even take a beating. And if I was now wanting to be a good white fucking cocksucker or what. I didnt say nothing just kind of gave him a mad look. SO he grins and pushed my head back with my chin as far as it goes against the guy holding me and thentakes a swing and hits me in the balls, and hard. I expected he would hit me in the abs again cos i was more stretched with him pushing my chin up and he got me good. I didnt want to but I had to yell out. He kept pushing my chin back and I tried to get my knees together protect myself some but their wasnt much room. The second one was even worse. The guy must be a boxer or something, not just work out a lot. I get my balls hit a LOT but his swings really got to me. I had to really scream, and I got tears. It really hurt, I was kind of coughing for air.

Fucking assholes thats no fair three on one. But since when are horny black motherfuckers ever fair. I would write something different for black onhere but I'm not sure if the blog company is ok with that. Thats what I was thinking though! And saying. I got like really mad cos I knew i was gonne get fucke dup more and it just wasnt fair. He took another swing at my balls, and it kinda started me cracking. I really had to scream cos it hurt so bad, it felt i was getting wet in my pants and i was afraid i was bleeding or something. And I really hated that I start to cry. The guy thats been hitting me says like with disgust see not even 5 minutes and the fucking sissy is ready to beg for real dicks. And then, so your ready or what? I was so desperite and mad that they got me like this. And also so fucking mad that now I was in the same fucking situation like when i was 16 and 17 in juvi and I was swearing to myself that I would never ever get in their again and with these kind of black assholes. And now its all the same over again! And then I was thinking, if I just gave in now maybe they wouldnt hurt me more and that was it already. And what my boyfriend would think how I should handle it, like what if he was watching? I know if he were like really their, he'd want me to be a lot tuffer and not just give up after like this. And who knows maybe this would get back to him somehow, after all these mofos are in the group too. Just cos I was so mad and desperite, and thinking about what he would think, he thought what the fuck to myself and said to the guy "YOU FUCKING N.....S" (I'm just not writing it here just in case).

Of course they all got really pissed. Got me 2 full swings in the balls bangbang, and then the guy holding me let me drop. Theywere like all cussing at me now, the usual stuff. When he let me off I was on my knees holding my balls, bent over but I didnt go on the dirty floor. But then the guy what had been hitting me kicked me hard in the side and they all got down over me and the first guy still had his dick handing out it flopped all over. They were very ruff stripping me and it was fast. They just ripped off my sneaks and socks and pulled my jeans down and off. They had me like totally pinned down. The then guy that was holding me before said if I was gonna pull down my briefs for them and show me what I got. Even if I had wanted to say yes I couldnt because of of them had his knee on my throat and pinned down so I couldnt. They took it as a no or didnt even wait for me to say something and one of them nailed me hard, like he wanted to squish my balls between his fist and my bones. I screamed really bad but with the guys leg on my throat nothing much came out. They nailed me a couple more times and I was wanting to pull down my briefs to make it stop but they had my arms pinned down too I couldnt move more then some fingers and could do nothing. I was ready to give in and do whatever, I hope my bf would be really proud of me I held out so long. I felt so fucking bad that after 10 years the same fucking thing was happening AGAIN and so bad as it was back then.

Then the guy let off a little with his leg and one of them asked if I was gonna stip my briefs now for them and beg for their cocks but before I could say YES YES YES they nailed me again. If their was anyone in the other trailers around they would of have heard me, it was a ballbreaker hit for sure. So I was like I do it I do it as much as I could in my sobbing. I was WAY over putting up the tuff act they fucked with me too bad. They all got up and I just pulled my legs up and held my balls and they were still in one piece. They were like so DO IT and then they pulled me up and said do it sexy or they really go and make me beg for their dicks. I had a hard time standing straight and they said dance and strip white boy. I knew I better or it be worse but it was hard to do. I guess i wasnt too bad for them but it was like really humilaiting. Then I was standing their with my head down not sure what next. And the guy that was holding me before came up from behind and put his hand under my chin and pulled it up and said if I was gonna beg now. GOD! This is like against everything but I thought I better get through it the faster the better. So I did and he was feeling me up and said do it like you mean it we know you want it just let it out and say it for real till I did. This really hurt bad inside to beg them to let me suck them and get fucked. They made me say I really loved to get fucked by black dicks and that theirs are the real ones and the only ones to really get a white cocksucker off and all that. THAT SUCKED SO BAD!!

So then they wanted me to pick which dick to suck first but I didnt know whats best to do cos I didnt want to tick them off anymore so the guy that still had his dick out said come here, and the guy behind me pushed me so I fell down on my knees right in front of him. He had his dick boned up and it was big but ugly cos its black. Then he said yeah admire it cos we got to get something else and he told the third guy to get the little box from the car. They were doing tina (cyrstal meth) but they were kind of short so they said your white ass aint getting nothing. I was REALLY glad cos Ive been clean over 3 years and when I saw they had tina I got scared to death they would make me too and I would get back in the same old again. PUH!!

So then the guy grabbed my head and pushed me down on his dick. Oh man he smelled bad! Blacks stink anyway but he really was stinking. Then he pulled me back up and said if i was gonna bite or just scrape he would knock out every single tooth I got so to watch out. I remember how much it cost me last time just to get one fixed that I got kocked out so I was really careful. But I hated it. Not a black dick and a stinking one so I just tried to lick his head some but I wasnt gonna get away with that. Teh guy tried to push me down harder on his dick but I was kind of pulling back and he said to the others the white cocksucker cant even suck right!! They were laughing and I felt one of them grabbing my balls from behind between my legs and crunching them so I really went down on him but he kept working them hard so I cant help it but I like flexxed a little and scratched the guys boner a little with my teeth and he got mad and pulled me up and punched me on the side of my face that I got a little dizzy and he said you already forgot what I do with your fucking teeth??? then he pushed me down again and this time all the way way behind my choke reflex and he kept me down on it and the other guy was still working my balls. I was getting panicky and tried to push off the couch he was sitting on with my arms but he forced down my head and didnt let up and I couldnt get air! He punched my head on the side again a couple times and said watch your fucking teeth! Then he let up a little so i could get some air and I got a full whiff of his stink and it was BAD. Then he fucked my throat alittle but I guess he didnt like it too much cos he pulled me all the way up so i was straight on my knees and he bent forward and let his hands slide down from my head to my shoulders and grabbed me real right and squeezed. He said you little white fuckboy first you put up the big i hate the n....s show and in less then 10 minutes your begging to suck and ride some real dicks and now you dont even suck good. And that I should better do it good or his friends was gonna have my balls for a LOT worse then before. And the guy still had me by my really supersore balls and really yanked on them and squeezed hard. I jerked bad and wanted to crunch over but the guy still had me tight by the shoulders so I threw my head back and I hit the guys head behind me, I really banged into his head. That guy took his other hand and held my head back and squeezed harder. I tried to get his hands off my balls but their was no way and so I grabbed his legs behind me to have something to hold on to. And he said white boy you better put up a good show now... he didnt say what the 'else' would be but I knew anyways. Then he let me head go and let off a little on my balls and I went down on the guy. I really tried to do it good but he smelled so bad and he kept ushing my head right so that his boner was right on my gag reflex. I was feeling I got sick, mostly cos it was a black dick in my throat but also cos he stank so bad and cos my balls hurt so bad. I didnt dare stop but I felt it coming and then it was and I tried to get off so I wouldnt go sick all over his crotch but he didnt let me and kept pushing me down. And then it happened, it wasnt my fault and I heard the other two yelling of fucking shit what an asshole, and the guy let go of my balls, but the guy i was sucking didnt let me off. He just slid down the couch a little more and locked his hands behind my head and he really started fucking my throat even with me puking still. This was really sick, and I got panic cos I couldnt get air and when I got a little suck it got puke in my lungs and cughed and he still kept going and then kicking my guts with his knees yelling watch your teeth watch your FUCKING teeth!! Finally he cums and just as I got a little air and I inhaled some if not most. He still didnt let go of me and so my head is still in his stinking crotch only now its even a lot worse with my puke in it and I'm coughing like crazy and trying to get air. Finally he lets off and I fall back and get on all fours trying to get air. I'm spitting his cum and some puke like it fucking dont matters on that floor...

Their all like disgusted and saying this fucker sucks and the thrid guy is like i just want to fuck him up!!! But the guy I just sucked off is laughing and he gets up and just throws the blanket and the cushion I puked on out the door. The he says hes got to take a shower (FUCK YEAH YOU DO) and I could suck them but they not really wanting to. I catch my breath after a while and just kind sit on the floor. I got my own puke on my shoulders and my chest and in my face but theirs nothing to wipe it. Their both watching me and I look away. I hear the other guy in the shower, I'm kinf od surprised the showers working in this fucked up piece of shit trailer. So then they two turn on the boom box in the corner, like really loud. Black music with like a lot of bass, boom boom. And they say to me to dance, and when I'm not like jumping up one of them is like pretending to get up like he was coming for me so I jump up which really isnt easy, I'm fucking sore.

Im in no mood to dance so I do as best I can. The tina has like totally kicked in with them now they both stroking their boners and the guy that was holding me at first either has weird pants that make his dick look huge, or he has a really huge one for real. So then the guy comes out of the shower and says fucking awesome we get the parteee goin and he gives me a quart and says dance and drink this. I'm taking a sip but he says I said drink it and he comes back and takes it from me and says open up and then he makes me drink it. He wont barely let me swallow, only when I couff cos its burning like hell. He didnt even dry off after the shower and he is naked. The other 2 are stripping now too and I feel miserable. I feel the booze run down in me and its getting to me fast. They tell me to keep dancing and with the booze kicking in some its getting easier. They say I should get a boner up and I try but its taking me a while till I got mine stiff. Of course their making fun of me. The one guy really has a HUGE one. Their just watching and stroking some. Then the first one says whos first and the third guy says me but I dont want to dig in his shit and they all get up and grab me and push me in the little bathroom in the shower. They are real rough and turn on the water to hot only and it is hot! Then they shower me off first like the puke and cum and its almost burning me, like really fucking close. I'm wet and their mostly too. They still all got raging boners. Then one screws off the shower head and I think their putting this up my ass and so hot so I try to get away and out of the shower but they wrestle me down and force it in. I'm screaming the house down cos it stings and burns like HELL. Their cleaning me out good, it stinks like hell, and when their done finally, I'm sobbing like crazy and I'm not fighting anything anymore.

They carry me more then I walk back in the main room and throw me on the bed and the third guy just gets like over me and fucks. I dont even feel a lot, my ass is burning like hell and he's fast. Im like desperite cos their not using no rubbers. The guy is telling me to say how great his black dick feels in my ass and I do it just so it wont get any worse but for real I couldnt give a flying fuck. When he cums I guess he likes it cos he grunts like an animal that he is and says to the other 2 fuck thats a tight ass for a white fuck boy. And he wants me to say how great it was for me and that I dont know why I was fighting is. I'm saying it but of course i didnt mean it. Then the guy with the huge dick. He's at least working it in a bit but hes still huge and its hard on me. My ass isnt burning so bad anymore and that guy can fuck. He fucks rough and hard but I like that anyways. I start HATING myself for this but it feels good. After a little while hes like see the white fuck boy digs it and he fucks harder and its like hes impaling me on this thing. Then he also wants me to say how fucking great his huge black dick feels in my pussyboy white ass and I do and I HATE myself for knowing it does a little. Hes taking his time and not just blowing his load like the first one and after a bit I cant help it but I get really into it and when he cums I cum too. I HATE HATE HATE myself for getting off on a black dick. Of course their having a field day they made me cumming. The last guy isnt ready for a fuck yet he blew his load already so their having me lick them and humilate me more and later they cuff me with my hands behind my back to the pole of the kitchen table foldout. It sucks to lie in the dirt of the floor listen to them snoring and I'm cold and naked.

This was going on all Saturday and the night and all Sunday till afternoon and on and off. Blowing one of them, getting fucked, they did get a little ruff with me in between or when I was too tired to be a power bottom but nothing like at first. I was wondering if my bf wasnt missing me and was dreaming about him coming to rescue me or something.

Then finally Sunday afternoon we all leave and i see the place by day. God this is even more run down like what it looked at night. They just leave the cushion and the blanket with the puke outside where they threw it out. Their just letting me out at the first DART station that goes into Dallas and at least they give me 5 bucks for the tickets and my shirt back. Took me like an hour to get to the DART station near my bfs house and walking the last mile or so takes like the last out of me. I feel like S-H-I-T and I'm like really fucking depressed. Its like I go in the same cicles all over again, I thought I was way over that shit.

I kept like daydreaming how my bf would be like all upset and feel horrible for me for this and do something about it, like within the group or something. And I'm wondering where my truck is, at his house or where. I see it parked nearby where I leave it always when I'm home (at his house) but he's not their and his car either. At least I find my keys on the tire and I just lie on the bench and take a nap. Its like I almost passed out on the bench the second I got on it. When I wake up someones knocking on the window. Its my bf. And behind him is Mitchells youngest and grinning from ear to ear. The kid is fucking cute and I hate hes blond too. But I'm trying not to think that cos its Mitchells son and thats only trouble. I dont think its any smart of my bf to hang with him.

So my bf says if im living in my truck now or what and he says you look like shit and hes gonna drive me home and the kid is following in his Volvo. On the way he says he figured I was gonna hook up with them and it went sour huh? I'm trying to say something and I want to explain but I cant get nothing out. I get stuck on like very word so I give up. He just keeps going about he bets I took them bare too and what a slut I am and I better get tested for STDs before hes putting his dick anywhere. I'm about ready to cry this is SOOOO not fair.

And THEN!! he says... see thats what its like if bad shit happens to you that you dont want. Like when you lie to me. And then hes not saying one more word till we get to my place and he just gets out and the kid gets out of the drivers seat of his Volvo so he can get in and they take off. I'm crying all the way up to my place and then i really totally break down and I swear I never ever ever ever lie to him again.

Puh. I'm glad I got this shit writen up and done with it.

finally this is soo past due - Valentines

yeah right.. "PAST DUE" like it says on some of the mail i get .. anyways. I've been so busy now I can catch up some. Didn't write anything really since the day before Valentines. So I'm just gonna write the big stuff cos I'm not sure if I get all the days right.

So VALENTINES. I figured I was in for something thats like the total oppisite of what everyone else gets. Since the days before were so great and all, I was sure my bf would do something like real mean or hurt me or both. Like paying up for the days before. He called me at work just before it was going home time and said to go home (thats to my place) and dress a little nicer not the slob I usually am. Thats what he said, I dont look like a slob but he's always like that. Like a shirt or so at least. So I go home and put on some cotton pants and a shirt and then he's about their to pick me up. I'm kinda like real curious but I dont fall for it so easy. He does that a lot that he makes me think one thing and then does like totally the other. I figured he was just trying to make me think we're gonna do something nice I have to dress up for and then he beats the crap out of me in some ditch so all my nice cloths get dirty or messed up. But nothing like that. We're going to some real nice restaurant and hes got a reservation for us but first we go to the bar and he orders like Vodka Martinis. He told them to hold the table we were gonna go hang out at the bar first. I thought that was kinda bold cos the place was fucking FULL. Like everybody was going on Valentines. We had like 2 vodka martinis and then he told the hostess chick we're ready and our table was! I was kinda pretty sure now we had to wait but they kept the table open the entire time. I was just thinking what the fuck?? anyways. So we get this real cute waiter, he looked more like he was just 18. He rattles down like all the specials they got for Valentines, and then he says they also got a special for two like a love special cos its Valentines. Like if we were their for that. So my bf says if we look like some fags to him and at first the guy almost faints, like hes so embarrassed but then my bf is laughing and tells him its ok he makes weird jokes sometimes and he orders the "love special". Its like 3 corse with a bottl e of wine and noodles with chicken and some stuff to pick from like a small bufet cos maybe not both like the same stuff. And fucking expensive!! $65 for 2 without the wine. The waiter dude looks totally releeved like he got out of that one. But hes still like totally red in the face, I guess he didnt know how to take that one and hes like SUPER paying attention till we're gone later. My bf is like in a real good mood and hes talking and making jokes and its like really cool.. only I cant help it, it feels to me like this is just upping it and later I get sooo FUCKED UP. This can't be as good as it is looking, theirs got to be something to it. So the dude brings the appetizers and we're like on our 3rd glass of wine, cos their like really busy. Between taking our order and bringing the appetizers he came by like 10 times at Least!! to check on us. My bf has him bring a new bottle, I figured now we're def already over $100. We were anyways with the drinks before. He never spends like this, and its like my stomach is cramping up some cos I'd rather gone like to chinese takeout and maybe have a sweet night and not go out all fancy and get seriously fucked up later, an on valentines. I was feeling all depressed all day anyways. I mean I love my bf and I dig the stuff we do, even if its sometimes a little crazy, but like on a day like Valentines, cant we be a little nice at least and do what all other boyfriends and girlfriends like for the straights do? This feels like it is going to have a real terrible ending. At least for me. But hey.. if thats what he wants, so be it and I make the best of it. I try to kinda check him out and get a read on him but he's not tipping me off AT ALL. He's just in a real good mood, being funny, talking about work and s-u-p-e-r patient when I'm trying to say stuff and cos I'm so nervous I'm studdering even more then normal. I kind of wish the floor would open up and I'd fall in it and it would be all over.

Anyways, he's in noo hurry and enjoying it. With all the wine and the 2 drinks before I'm getting buzzed. It was kinda hard for me to eat some of the appetizers cos my throat is like clogged and I'm not hungry a lot. But with a good buzz going on I'm kind of relaxing and I'm like kinda glad he's getting buzzed some too. Then we get the main entre and I'm like on my 5th glass and he on his 4th, adn the waiter is a little chill now and he and my bf make jokes about if we like our love meal and that shit and it's like really starting to be fun, and I'm not thinking to much about what it all means maybe. I think the waiter is starting to like us, and he's not bringing like the next corse before we finish, like as if the place was empty and they didnt care how long we sit their. When its in fact like totally crowded and kind of loud. Thats nice. I'm like happy my bf has some pull or gets some respect or whatever and we get to have our sweet ass time. So in the middle of the entres (theirs a big heart on the noddles with tomato sauce and the chicken is like on the side and looking like little hearts too) this guy comes up to our table and its like someone my bf knows and theirs like a big hello with them. I've never seen the guy and my bf like introduce us. He is Justin, good looking guy with muscles and maybe 35 ish or so. My bf says I'm Kevin but nothing more really and the guy shakes my hand. He's sitting with us for a bit and the waiter shows up like in 10 seconds after he sits down and brings like a wine glass for him in like 30 seconds more. I really wonder whats going on cos waiters are never like bending over like this. anyways. That kills the 2nd bottle and my bf gets the next. I got a serious buzz going already. So Justin is like all real nice and asks me what I do and maybe its the booze or what but I even get it out fairly straight! So then he asks my bf how come hes never seen me around and that I'm cute, and he is laughiung and says "cute? hes a hot fuck" and they both laugh and Justin wants to know how long weve known each other and he says 2 years about. I totally get it that Justin must know him better cos everyone else would of have said how long we've been together but he said how long known. At first I'm not sure if I should be a little annoyed that I'm just like a hot fuck and not like boyfriend or cool guy or friend or whatever, or if its just his way to say something nice. But I guess cos of all the booze I forget about it fast. And then Justin takes off anyways after hes done with his wine.

Before dessert my bf says we better let this go down first and he orders a double JD for both of us. I'm like beyond a buzz and cloe to be drunk. I dont drink much so it kicks real good. And he says we better not drive and we make the best of it. And then dessert and afterwards we have another double JD and coffee with foam on top. When we're done and with a fat tip for the waiter hes out over 400. Damn!! I know I should get really scared but I'm way to smashed to worry. Outside we catch a cab and drive to my place. He says we stay at my little eficiency and in the morning I'm gonna drive him back to his car before work. As I'm unlocking the door he puts his hand on my neck and it comes all back to me and I expect him to kick me in the back or something and starting to fuck me up - but nothing happens. He says if I got anything to drink before we go crash and all I got is some vodka but nothing to mix it with. So we drink it straight up and sit on the bed cos I dont have a sofa or anything and he lights up 2 cigs, one for him and one for me. And then after a little while he says if I'm wondering if he is gonna fuck me up now, like he can read my mind. I'm not so sure what I should say but I kinda nod cos thats exactly whats on my mind. And he laughs and says dude relax, your getting it but not tonite. And that its fucking Valentines and for once he's gonna do me right. And then he says thats my boy with a big smile and its true I am, cos im kinda releved.

So we're just sitting on the bed sipping on the vodka and smoking and he pulls me over so my head is in his crotch and looks down to me and puts his hand on my stomach and grins. And then it like dawns on me. he is like really gonna be nice. Looking up in his eyes like this and his hand on my stomach feels so good and I get a boner like I am sooooo fucking horny like from 1-60 in 5 secs ;-) He grins and says strip, like real casual and soft. So I get up and strip totally naked and fast and he does too and then he just like tips me in the back and I let myself fall flat on the bed on my stomach. I hear him rip the cover of the rubber and that nasty sound as it flips in his dick and then he's over me and says to put my ass up and then he RAMS it in. No lube and all the way. If he didnt let him fall himself on top of me I would have jumped right off his dick, squealing. I'm a little pissed at myself for squealing but fuck! And he is going, just the way I like it, hard, like he is trying to push his dick all the way up to my brain, or throat fuck me from my ass (thats how I like to imagine it what he's trying always). And he's not hitting me not squeezing my balls to hell, nothing. Only when he puts his hands on my shoulders I flinch for a second but thats all he does so he can put harder and hold me by my shoulders. This is fucking great!!!! I shoot like a huge load after like 10 mins or so and he keeps going. Like 20 mins or so and we slide off the bed some and I', like on my knees and flat over the bed on the side with my head buring in the covers. Then he cums and he cums GOOD. He even stays in my ass for a bit and I can feel him shake and he's massaging my shoulders and my back. This is soooo (!!!) fucking great. Then I feel him go soft a little and he pulls out and gets up to put the rubber away and pour more vodka and light up more cigs. I know this is like a real little thing, but I LOVE it when he lights up cigs for us both and puts it between my lips. I think that is sooo fucking hot. Like what boyfriends do, even if he doesnt mean it and maybe just thinks its cool or what. I could die for those moments.

So we're just on the bed smoking and drinking and he has his hand in my neck kinda massaging it and he is getting a boner again. I do down some and suck his dick and lick his balls and all and he is like rock hard and playing with my neck and the hair on the back of my head, like totally vanilla. Then he pulls me up and says maybe he should write my name again on my arm like before because tonite hes gonna fuck my brains out. And pushes me over and I cant wait for him to get the damn rubber on. Thats when I hate that I'm poz, it would be soo omuch nicer if he didnt have to put those stupid things on. And then it's like a marathon fuck, and hes saying I'm cumming first but of course I cant after I just blew like a huge load but he dont care and keeps fucking. Working my balls too, some, so I tell him even if he wants to be all nice go for my nutz and he does. He has to put his hand over my mouth some because in my little place the walls are like real thin. Its like over an hour and then I pump a huge load out again, and cos he jerks me up when im cumming its all over both pillows and like a big mess all over the bed, and he keeps pumping even harder and then he cums too. He lets me just plop down and then flips me over so I am on my back and he pulls off the rubber and says open up and lets it all run down in my mouth. Like, what all got in my mouth, half is like all over my face. I'm trying to get it with my fingers to lick them and he is like breathing real heavy and sitting on my knees. He only slides over a bit to get the cigs and the lighter and lights up 2 more for us. He says damn this is a mess and it is. Under me I can feel the cum thats still wet from me, and his is all over my face and we're both like sweaty. He says I guess you have to wash the bed anyways and ashes on my belly. Lol so I do too, and it stays cos of the sweat and he starts writing something with it, like ash and sweat. Feels great. I lie flat on my back so i cant read it and try to feel what he is writing but i cant make it out. So I ask him and he says its "bitch" and he needs more ash. This is fucking hot and feels great and even tho I'm like empty, I dont have a drop of cum left in me, I get a boner again. He's done writing bitch on my stomach and starts playing with my nuts. He isnt hitting them or anything, just playing, rolling them around, flicking them some, light slaps just that kind and my boner is fucking throbbing. And he reaches over and gets another rubber but just puts it on my chest and keeps playing with my balls, alittle rougher but not much and slapping my dick a little. I couldnt get any harder then this and put my hands behind my neck cos I know how much he likes how that makes my stomach stretch up. He gets off my knees and I pull my legs up some and open up wide and he sits between my legs, like on his knees and keeps slapping my balls and playing with them. I'm just lying their with my eyes closed and wondering if my dick is gonna burst cos this is so great. Then he leans forward and plays with my nipples but HARD so I yelp and bend up and he is right over me and my arms just fly around and its like I am hugging him. And his face is like 3 inches from mine and he stares me in the eyes. Its like whos gonna flinch first and look away, sort of. I'm holding on to him and he grabs my legs and pulls them up and I am holding. He goes up a little and pulls me up. He is now on his knees and I am almost only on my shoulders and neck and he lets his hands slide up to my ankles and holding my legs. And as he pulls me upI feel his boner right on my balls. The rubber from my chest was sliding off next to my face as he pulls me higher and then I lock my legs behind him and let go with my hands. He is holding for a second and feels me up on my stomach, sort of wiping the 'bitch' off. But it feels fucking great, I sort of came again but I didnt have no cum left just maybe a drop or so. He grabs the rubber and puts it between my teeth to so hold the corner and he rips it open. And puts it on. Since I sort of came I got sift a little but he is rock hard i can feel it between my legs and on my balls. I am like hanging down from his neck by my legs and he is up on his knees so I only lay on my neck and a little on my shoulders. Then he grabs my legs, like at the thighs and tight, and spreds them and shoves it in, and then he bends down but doesnt let go of my thighs so hes almost breaking my back as he starts pumping hard. But since I'm hanging so weird from him its like his dick is drilling right into my prostate and I'm about to go crazy!!! And I know he knows, I bet he can tell cos I'm wailing like a horny whore. But its like he is trying to break my neck and I'm trying to paddle back with my arms so my spine wont break but its more like flopping around with my arms for no good reason. I'm trying to reach the headboard to pull myself up but i cant reach it. He is hitting my prostate hard like hes trying to drill ahole in it and its almost too much. I'm jerkng left and right to get his dick away but I can only move my upper body he got my thighs so tight I cant move my ass around. Its not that it like really hurts its just like my ass is about to explode and my prostate and I'm wanting to cum but I'm so fucking empty! And hes going like he hasnt fucked in a week and its not the 3rd time in a row!! I'm seriously going crazy I can't take it anymore and I'm begging him to go easy but of course he isnt, he just pulls me a little tighter even and fucks harder. My ass feels like its in fever and I can feel my prostate like its growing and growing and about to blow up. I dont feel the pain in my back so much anymore like its gone numb or something and I am going seriously NUTS. Like flashes and my ears pop and I hear myself howl but I dont feel it and I see my dick get hard but I dont feel that also. Its like hes fucking into my prostate and with every push its about to give in more and more till it blows up. Its too much and i feel tears running down my face and I beg and beg him but I dont think is more then weird mumbles that come out of my mouth and I start seeing black clouds with stars and then its like my ass blows up and its like this brightness all around me. I'm CUMMMMING and even though it should have been like dry cum organism, i feel it shoot in my face like he squeezed it out of me somehow their shouldnt have been any. I think I screamed really loud too and then I'm like totally no power and he lets go of my legs and I'm just like hanging all limp from him and he cums too.

then he gets up and I just flop down and cant move. My heart is like racing and I'm wet from sweat and cum and the bed is wet under me from sweat too. My head is spinning and I cant move and I dont want to. I hear him go taking a piss and he smokes one more and I'm about to fall asleep. More like starting to pass out. I'm thinking damn when he says hes going to fuck my brains out he really does it. I'm wasted!!! But I feel fucking great, only its like I got pushed way far, like I'm really going crazy. Or at least sex crazy. It feels weird lying their with my legs spread far, my cum running down from my ribs on one side and I'm too tired to even wipe it. My arms on the side and I dont even want to move them one inch, like I have zero power left in me. And my back hurts like FUCK. I feel him get into the bed but I'm almost out and pull the covers over and flipping me some so we're like spooing and he puts his arm around me and he KISSES ME IN MY NECK!!! I'm in fucking heaven but only maybe 1 minute cos then I'm gone!

I think he may have humped me in the night but I'm not sure. When he wakes me up its day and i have a HUGE hangover. My head hurts real bad. He is still behind me spooning me and talking in my ear but it's like on a radio when the station isnt tuned in right, I hear him talking but its not getting in my brain. He's holding me tight and then its get to me he is saying its getting late we got to go but he isnt moving only his boner is poking in my back. I am thinking you cant be seriously fuck me again now .. and then I'm thinking I'm stupid of course he can and would but he isnt. He gets up but hes only coming around the bed and grabs me by my arm and pulls me out of the bed and then up so I'm on my knees and staring at his boner and he says to open up and wants me to suck. But I'm not too awake yet and sore and have a hangover so I cant get into it too good and suck lousy, I know. I'm trying but my mouth is so dry. He is horny though and he locks his hands behind my neck and throat fucks me, like with no mercy deep down. Since I'm so weak I have serious trouble getting air and he does it on purpose like push in and keep it in and then only pull back a little and real short so I can only get like a little bit of air. Its real fast I get in like real panic and try to push him away but theirs no chance he has his hands locked behind my head and wont let go and I get to buck and suck air like desperite when he pulls out a little. Its like his dick gets bigger in my throat every time he is pushing. With me hangover I'm getting a little dizzy with so little air and I grab his ass for like support and its like his muscles are hard as steel then he lets me get like one deep suck of air but he pushs back in before I can breath out, and then he lets me breath out but not get more air. And then he cums and as he cums he pulls out a little and I try to get air and all his cum gets in my lungs, like I'm even sucking it in! Then he pulls out and lets go of me and the rest of his cum goes all over me and I'm like coughing like CRAZY. I got most of his cum all in my lungs and it hurts and I am coughing and spitting and trying to get air all at the same time. Its taking me at least 10 mins till I am halfway back to normal, curled up on the floor, and he is already out of the shower and says to hurry up, its late.

I slouch in the shower like an old man, I'm so sore and still have to cough and spit some. I am worn out and I have a real bad hangover but after a HOTTTT shower I feel a lot better and good. I keep thinking I'm lucky he knows exactly how to treat me right and what I need. I got like one of those moments as I got in my clothes, like when you know its what you need if its fun or not sometimes. And I know its what I need, his fucks are like worse then the biggest drugs, like addictive. Only with drugs its like your always chasing the big one and it never comes, with him its like you get it only you have to have it over and over again. And I know cos I used to be a junkie real bad. With drugs its like your never satisfied and try over again and you know its still never really gonna happen but you cant stop anyways. With him its like OH MY GOD you get off like crazy and you want it all the time and more, and it dont matter at what cost. Anyway sometimes I get these flashes where I know myself.

So we rush out finally and he makes me stop at a Starbucks first. I'm like real antsy because I'm already late for work. He has like all the time in the world to chat up the chick behind the counter and then wait till some dickhead is finally ready putting his sugar and cream in so he can put his half and half in, and I just want to gogogogo cos I'm so late. Next to the milk and sugar counter is this geek, like about my age with a belly, like fat, and has his laptop on and is talking on the phone. Not just phone cos its like one of those hearing aid blutoth things and hes not just talking but yelling about programming something in flash like being all important and smart. Asshole. We're standing right next to him and hes yelling and it hurts in my head cos of the hangover. My bf is grinning from ear to ear and when we walk out he says if I heard that idiot and him talking about flash and he says that motherfucker has no clue that without the guy standing next to him therir wouldnt be no flash to program. I would have told the idiot but he is like that he would never like show off.

Anyways so I drop him off at his Volvo at the restaurant and the head off to work, and finish 2 bottles of water that i keep in the truck for my hangover. At work I'm running over to my boss to tell him I'm sorry for being late, but hes busy and doesnt want to listen to my studdering and just says its ok dont worry get going. Later i find out Shane been an ass and I missed it (thank hevens) and thats why he didnt care if i was late.

So that was Valentines.

Saturday Afternoon

when he woke me coming back I was still in bed and waking up when he slammed the door. I wasnt like sleeping real deep just dozing and not wanting to get out of bed so he came looking for me and he saw I was still in bed. I knew I had to get up cos he was going south to the ranch to visit his ex and stay till Monday to go to some gov office. But he said his ex called and their having trouble at home, like him and his bf fighting so he shouldnt come and so he got naked and said we could do something else so what. I was still like lazy and feeling nice, but he had a raging boner going so he was wanting to fuck again. I had been thinking some for like something that good like in the morning I was going to have to pay sooner or later but hey its sooo worth it. If it was up to me I was more in a mood to cuddle and not get off the good trip but hey its not about me its about him to get off good.

So he tied my nuts off with some rope and ran it back to the hinge on the door and then got over me and pulled me up till my balls were like TIGHT and yanked back as far as they'd go, and I tried hard not to put up a show. My tong still hurt a little from biting before. Then he put his arm around my neck and locked his other arm so it made like a choke hold and he pulled me up slowly so it tightened the choke and at the same time pulled more on my nuts as he was bending my back up. I thought hes either going to break my back or rip my nuts off but he did it like real slow and as I was trying to get air I felt his boner in my back. Then he let me go and I fell down and was like coughing to catch air and he pulled my ass open some with his hands and rammed his dick in. He just rammed it in and then pushed me up till the rope was really pulling on my balls like crazy and then grabbed my shoulders and started fucking HARD and always pulling me up by my shoulders some, so that every time he rammed it in the rope ripped on my balls! I got so tense from the pain he had to push hard with his dick cos I was clenching my ass, not on purpose just cos it hurt so intense. At first he was really going hard and even though I tried to hold it in and not make a peep, I didnt hold up so good and after just a bit it hurt so bad I started to cry. I figured ok now I got to pay, couldnt have been so good earlier and not having to pay for it. I know this is what really gets him off when he really hurts me. He put his hands under my jaw and pulled me up and he saw I was crying and just from pulling me up backwards it ripped even more on my balls and I couldnt help it I made sort of a shriek. I hated myself for that but their was nothing I could do not to, and I knew from here on he would really let me have it for him to totally get off.

But he didnt, he just held me their like this for a second, like totally still, holding on with the fucking, like we're like totally in suspense. I was sweating like a pig from all the pain, my balls puckered like crazy like having my guts in a tight grip and twirling them around and shooting crazy later messages up my spine saying WERE GETTING FUCKED UP DUDE. Seemed like we're like this forever, just like that, no moves. Of course was for real just short, but thats just how it felt like. And then he keeps me held up like that, and goes like on with the fucking just real slow. It hurts like FUUUUUUCK but it suddenly feels so fucking hot I want him to hurt me like whatever he wants. Seems my head is sweating the most. I was sweating before but now its like I'm like sweating in 130 heat, and its dripping from my hair in my face and running down from my head in my neck and down my back. He keeps fucking me real slow, just harder when hes pushing but just a little, and keeping me like totally bent up and the rope on my balls tight. I feel so OWNED and its like I want to be owned and let him do what-ever! I feel the sweat run everywhere and I feel my tears are still running but it's not like I'm crying or balling anymore I just cant stop the tears running. But I dont want him to stop I know this is really good for him, and he's just keeping me right on the edge where its hurting like fuck but hes not really fucking me over like I KNOW hes wanting to BAD to blow a huge load. But he just keeps going slow, like holding me right their on the edge, and I know if he's pushing me like just alittle more I'm so gonna hurt for at least a week and go berserk but he isnt, just keeping me right their and going and going with the slow fuck. Its like this weird thing it hurts but it feels awesome and I know like ANY second I could be in HELL or blow a load of my LIFE if he just keeps me their on the edge and going like this. Its weird cos I dont want him to let off and I dont want him to gp over the edge and wish he just lets me cum. And then I can still think right then that second if he really lets me cum great and not make me go through PAIN HELL, I am sooooo going to pay the price later, so whats better or worse, now or later? But of course I want to cum awesome now if he lets me and worry about how he is gonna make me pay for it later.

Its really weird what you think sometimes even when your like THIS short of going thru HELL or getting to cum like crazy.

It was like he was keeping me like right on the edge FOREVER till I couldnt stand it anymore and till I couldnt even sweat anymore. And it was like he knew exactly when I was going to cum, cos the second I started cumming all over the place, I mean like I was spreading it all out over the bed, he pushed his dick in my HARD to it felt like my balls were goners and the pain flashed my brain so bad I saw red and yellow stars exploding in my eyes but I was cumming even more and he did too. I could feel it even with the rubber and he was holding me real tight. Then we both just lied their and it felt GREAT!! my balls hurt like fuck but it was a good hurt like slowing down. I had like no power and the bed was like wet from sweat and cum but we both didnt care like it took too much energy to get up. I still had the rope on my balls but it wasnt pulling anymore and I didnt bother to get it off. Kind of felt good actually.

We lied their for a while. I was ready to sleep some more but I didnt, and he didnt say nothing and me not anyways. After a long while he got up and went to shower and then off for some errands. Took me a long time to get some power up to crawl out of bed and shower, cos I was stinking like a skunk. And change the sheets and all that. He stayed away a long time, but I was so worn out I really didnt mind too much. Then I got bored a little and played some games and going online and chatted some and he still wasnt back.

Saturday Morning

I didnt have to work but he did so if he wouldn't kick me out when he had to leave I could sleep in some. I woke up before him and I cuddled up with the pillow and was just looking at him. The sun was coming up, it was still kind of a little dark, like dawn. I was thinking I'm so damn lucky and hes so hot. I was looking at all his tatts and getting really really horny. First I was thinking I just chance it and jerk off but if he wakes up and I get caught that be trouble. I was wanting to touch him, like just touch or massage a little so I wouldnt wake him up but then if he woke up theirs no way telling what was gonna do. Sometimes he likes it and its cool, sometimes he isnt and then he just hits me and I wasnt in a mood for getting hit right their. So I was just diving under the covers and blowing his morning wood and it didnt take no 5 minutes for him to wake up. But it was all cool he just grabbed my neck and let me and I was going easy so he wouldnt like blow his load or anything, just feelgood for waking up. He put his hand from my neck to my ear and pulled me up, not like when he jerks me just pulled me up and he said if I was looking to get fucked or what? I didnt think I should say YEAH!! cos when I want he never does it but he wasnt like that this morning, just kinda grinning and saying if I still had any brains he could fuck out. I sort of got excited when he's like that its def not gonna be bad so I plopped back and spread my legs wide cos I figured he would go and smash my balls some to get real horned up to fuck but he didnt. He just played with them some to make me flinch some and then he grabbed them in like a tight grip and squeezed but in a good way so that it hurt, and I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed and he let me. It felt so hot to feel his muscles. The more I was squeezing him, the more he was going for it on my balls. I KNOW how it is working for him to hurt balls and I was so fucking horny I wanted like a real good fuck if i could like make that happen. So I like swore I wouldnt make no sound and I bit my tong so hard it tasted a little like blood and squeezed the fucking hell out of his shoulder and he did the same to my balls, like more. And twisting around and arching up some and not making a PEEP he was pushing his leg under my ass everytime I was bending up some. Till I was like lying over his leg and when I looked up my dick was raging hard sticking out like a flag pole hehe. Then he let go of my balls and I was breathing hard for a sec, cos biting my tong and holding my breath not to make a peep I had to get some air. Then he like rolled me off and over from his leg on my stomach. I was like have buried in the warm pillow and it was kinda cozy and the pain from my balls was like rolling up my belly, and it hurt a little to lie on my boner so I pushed up my ass a little to make some room. I heard him rip the plastic cover for the rubber (trust me I can hear that from 20 feet away hehe) and got over me, grabbed my wrists, and I could feel his dick getting in position at my hole. Its only like a couple seconds but that is SOOO hot like just before he is tearing me up and it's still like making me shake and all. And then he rammed it in all the way like he always does. I dont like it anyways when I'm with a guy and he messes around forever like 1 or 2 fingers to losen me up or crap, get to fucking FUCK! He's not like that at ALL, he wants it to hurt and fuck me like a bitch! And after all the times hes fucked me its still the same it makes me go all tense and it hurts but like in a really really good way. I wish I kept track of like how often hes fucked me it's got to be like 800 or 900 times or so, like about 2 years with 365 days and 3 times a day ballparkish. But ever since I had got this score going with this guy years ago and we were both like in this guys stable and working for him and he caught us doing the score thing, and totally went off the deep end like we were trying to get him in trouble and made us pay for every single mark of every single fuck we did, I wouldn't even think of keeping score anymore. We didnt even think nothing of it we just kept score you got fucked more. Anyways. I got fucked soooo good, he rammed in and pulled back slow and was going on and on and on till I was like squealing it felt so fucking awesome it was like I couldnt take it any longer or lose my mind!!! Like the time when he wrote my name on my arm in like big letters so I would remember my name after he fucked my brains out and I thought he was kidding but later I was so out of it when he was done I was glad he did it. He's go so cool ideas sometimes ;-)

When he got me squealing he said thats what LUST is and he was starting to talk foreign and I knew we're going for the finish line. He didnt let go of my wrists the entire time and he started fucking so hard it was getting like rape and my stomach started feeling funny like when your starting to feel sick but I totally didnt care. I wanted to cum soo bad but I didnt want to til he did but it was like he was in control and then I couldnt hold out any longer and I started cumming and cumming like I couldnt stop and then he did and he was making like this roar what he does when hes really cumming good. The for a moment it was like I was totally limp and just hanging with my ass on his dick like on a hook. I had like way no power in me left, like NO energy, totally pumped out.

He had to get going, like in a rush not to be late, and i was afraid he was gonna kick me out cos I forgot he was gonna go visit his ex the weekend but he was still like grinning from one ear to the other and saying he had to come back first after work anyways at noon so if I wanted I could hang around till then. If I wanted??? I would of have begged him too!! After he was gone I just stayed in bed, I didnt even have the energy to get up and I didnt really want to anyways. The bed smells like him so nice and I felt so GREAT and I was like fading out in like 10 mins after he was gone till he got back and woke me at like 2ish.

THURSDAY!!!

Thursday started really good. I was late 5 minutes for work but as I got in, the manager was ripping Shane a second one, and like so everyone saw it. I missed the first part but I guess he pissed off some customer and the customer came back at opening and fucked with the manager and now Shane got it. Serves him right. At least till noon Shane is gonna steam by himself and someone's gonna get it later on when he blows.

Then his one lady comes and she always wants me to work on her car so thats all good and she always tips me like $20 when my manager isnt looking. I can't figure her out but whatever, nobody else ever gives me a 20 just like that.

At lunch I dont even go eat, just lie on my truck and when my bf calls like I thought he would, I tell him I didnt even go to lunch and he says good and see you later and hangs up. So I'm good to go after work tonight, and if hes planning something, I am sooo gonna get fucked, only theirs prolly a high price I got to pay. but hey, whatever. SO I'm like in a really good mood for the rest of the day, and even when Shane finally cracked and vented off, didnt get to me at all. He was about to go after the new guy but just then the manager walked in the back and he kicked the wall instead and really hurt himself. He can be a real ass but also real stupid sometimes.

So after work I shower real good and get clean in and out and lose no time to go to my bf's house. He's already home so I dont have to wait for him, and I can tell he's so def horny :-) At home he always just wears sweat pants or his adidas trainers and never a shirt unless its like really cold and I can see his boner going already. So I already know he's got something planned out, nothing much that can go wrong now. Finally ... I havent got a fuck Monday, Tuesday, AND Wednesday.

But he's all nice, he isnt just jumping me and beating the crap out of me or anything. Hes giving me a bottle of water and says to drink it and we go smoke a little on the patio and hes just asking how my day was and all. I'm getting a little suspicius, what the heck is he up to now? Thats the hot thing about him, hes tuff and always up to no good but like even after almost 2 years I can never tell with him whats gonna happen next. Hes like always toying with me. God, when we're just standing around like this and I look at him, I get weak knees. He has like so no idea how much I am in love with him and how much I crave him using me and doing whatever that gets him off. And he always likes plays it cool like I'm just some shithead fucker he is using when hes like feeling like it, or be nice to when hes in the mood, or beat the fuck up if hes in a real crappy mood. But like if I was gone it wouldn't matter for him. Always breaks my heart even tho I know its not like that and he's just doing his attitude thing but it still hurts like fuck. And that hurt is a lot lot worse then the worst pain he makes me suffer thru beating me up and punching my balls or whatever.

Anyway so we just hang out in the patio and I finally finish the water and he goes back in and I after him, and he heads back to the bedroom and like asks me if I need to go piss or anything. I do just in case. Hes already waiting for me when I get to the bedroom and has this grin but his eyes are like cold. Ice cold. I'm looking around a little but like so it doesn't look like I'm looking around to see if hes got anything out and I def have the feeling I'm gonna get hurt, and BAD. Then he says hey I'm in a really kinky mood and I want to try something and he makes it sound like hes telling me I have a way out. That makes me like really nauseus, cos I know this is not a good sign. And when he says it like that its like hes having like a little of a bad consciense but he knows and I knows theirs no way I can back out anyways and I don't want to anyways cos I know hes not gonna like it if he doesnt get to do whatever he's got planned. But when hes like that I get the chills and scared. Every time he gets like one of his really sadistic streaks, it gets me the best fucks in the end, ever, but its like I got to pay such a high price its always like I ask myself if its worth it. So I stand their like a dumbass and I'm scared about what the price is gonna be this time but he is set to go and doesnt want to mess around so he tells me to strip. I do, and not like normal when I rip my shit off when he tells me to get naked, I got like the butterflies going in my stomach and my guts all cramped up and its like my balls already start hurting a little, like they know also whats coming to them. And when I'm all naked and stand up, he looks down at my dick and grins some more, cos its like my dick knows this is not gonna be fun for a long time and is not wanting to be a boner. And he tips me a little so I lie down on the bed and I do, on my back and spread my legs. I figure he's going to want me to spread them to take a bunch of ball punchs like he loves it most. But he isnt and takes his sweet ass time to tie me up, arms and legs spred to the corners and real tight so I cant move much. Now I know this is going to be really bad, cos he rarely takes time like this, even tho I really like to get tied up, for him its mostly like too much trouble, maybe cuffs cos their quick and easy. So then he's got me all tied up and looks at me and I get a little panicky but of course I try not to show it and try to work up a boner but no chance. I know him too good, this is gonna be bad, and not in a fun way bad. I just wonder what he is up to, punching my balls even the crazy times, for that he wouldn't tie me up like this, just cuff my hands to the chain and padlock around my neck or so, so I cant try to protect my balls when I break down. This is gonna be different, and for sure not easier.

And then he gets some duct tape and first puts a strip over my mouth and then wraps 2 layers over it and around my head. I'm getting really shitscared now cos this is like rare. I think its only been 2 times in almost 2 years hes done that, so he's thinking I'm gonna try to scream the place down. Oh-oh. OK now I know I am FUCKED and its like its coming over me that he is going to really really hurt me bad and its also coming over me it means I get my brains fucked out, and FOR SURE!! This crazy stuff always turns him on like nothing else and when hes turned on like nothing else he isnt fucking, he's raping. Theirs two GOOD ways he fucks: when hes turned on like crazy, and when hes wanting it to be good for me, and then he fucks like GOD. I got fucked by a lot of guys in my life but nobody fucks like him when hes wanting it to be good. I kind of live for those fucks, and the ones in between are like the buildup to the next. But for both ways I have to pay for it, and a lot. Hes either gonna hurt me really bad or hes having a real bad consciense to make up for when hes thinking he was like really to mean to me.

So I know I'm sooo FUCKED and I know I'm gonna get one of his God fucks later for it, and so even tho I'm scared shitless, I spring a boner like bang! I know its kind of weird I get so scared, cos I get off on pain and all, but even tho I dig the pain and the way it feels, I'm not like some superhero and it fucking hurts, a lot. And he knows really mean ways to make it hurt, and he never stops cos he gets off on it the more it really gets to me.

Hes got me all tied up and ducttaped and looks me over and grins and then he makes a fist and shows it to me and slams it just once in my balls. Stings, hard, but one I can take and not make a wimp. And then he goes and gets those 2 old german army field telephones from like 1962 he got shipped like 2 weeks ago. I was wondering why he got those, I figured make for some stuff in the group next time we're out for some field trip or something. I didnt really think much about it but it kinda dawns on me now what their for. He puts wires on the 2 poles of one of them and the other end is like blank with no insulation and he is wrapping each end around one of my nuts and then puts more duct tape around each ball, like if for insulation so the 2 wires wont touch. Then he just grins again and says here's like a bit of training on field phones. They work just by picking up the receiver, cos they have batteries in them. And he picks up the receiver of the one hes hooked up to my balls, and I jump like 10 inches up with my ass: theirs a lot of juice in that thing!!! Wow that was a jolt, and it cuts my breath for a second. Its kind of hard to breath thru the nose anyways, cos my mouth is taped shut like really good. The he says but if you just lift the receiver, the other end doesnt know someones on the line so you got to ring them, and he lifts the phone some so I can see better and theirs this handle on the side to fold out, and he says one just needs to crank it and it makes the other phone ring.

And so he cranks it a little and I go totally BESERK!!! I'be had tons of electro on my nuts, hes even used a stungun on my balls before but this is nothing like it. Its like they turn cold metal and get in a grinder and the balls shoot out flash pain that I can feel in my fingers and it makes my mouth taste like metal, like when you hold a battery to your tong. I cant believe he's gonna use this stuff on me, and he hasnt even started really.

So he is getting started to work that crank and since I can see the clock on the side of the bed, its only been like 10 mins after he got going to when he stops for now. It feels like its been an hour and im wet with sweat, almost chewd through the ducttape, crying and in my mind begging him to no go again, I mean he must be really horny by now.. but I know him a lot better then that he would never let me get off this easy. And of course he didnt. THIS is the kind of stuff that gets him really off and he sometimes says I should he glad he isnt in that mood like every other day.

After like over 3 more hours I guess his arm got lame from the cranking, cos he pulled the wires out of that thing. Not that I cared about nothing anymore I was out of my fucking mind. This bad I haven't hurt in a loooong time, I'm a fucking mess and like way beyond anything where them endorphens could do anything for me. Absolutely everything is hurting in my body, my balls the worst of course and everything their attached to, but all my muscles and stuff too from the jerking around like crazy and flopping from the pain. The last 2 hours Ive only been wishing to pass out so it was over but he'd always go a little slower like he could tell when I was close to goin out. I'm like worn and a mess, if he'd stomped my balls I bet I wouldnt even have flinched anymore, their was like no power left in me for whatever. I heard this pinging noise in my ears, like sonar and like in sync with the pain in a pulse from my balls. And I wanted to cry or wail just cos it would feel like letting some of the pain out somehow but I just couldnt, I couldnt like even move. God he knows how to fuck me over really good. So then he untied me and ripped the tape off but I lie their like the same cos I couldnt even move and he sits on my belly and slaps me in the face so I pay attention, And he says good little motherfucker you still have half a boner going and grins. I couldnt even feel my dick and I couldnt think I would have anything but only a shriveld dick. And he slides up some till hes sitting on my chest, and I dont even have the power to breth against him, he is like pressing my chest down. And I stare right at his dick in front of my face. I know his dick in and out and I can tell when he is hard and when he is REALLY hard. Now it is really hard and I still think even then it is so fucking hot that even tho he is so hard and turned on his skin still goes over the head (cos hes uncut). So now I'm getting what I had to earn so fucking hard, and I hope I'm not gonna pass out. I know this sounds like real stupid, first I want to pass out and then I don't. I guess I cant make up my mind.

He wants me to turn over cos he likes it doggy the most and he said once he likes it cos its more humiliating for the guys thats getting fucked. It's hot but I like to see him when he fucks me but of course I could never tell him that plus it's not so much his thing. I can't move really, I tried to get up but I couldnt even get my shoulder off higher then maybe an inch and flop back down. But hes now more then good and ready to get off so he dont bother much and just lifts me up. Sucks he's got to take the sec to put the rubber on. This is when I hate it so much that Ive been such a slut and a junkie and got poz. I WISH he didnt have to wear the rubbers and do me for real but of course thats over for my life. Anyway he rams it in and hits me with another knuckle punch in the balls that make me arch up to him even tho a second ago I couldnt even get my shoulder off the futon. I think it wasnt even 2 minutes or so till my boner was bang on and I was riding into fuck heaven again. He's like so awesome when he wants. He kept hitting me in the nuts hard when he was thinking I felt too good but that couldnt stop me anymore. Its what I had to suffer for so bad for so long all evening and after I get so FUCKED UP I want my brains fucked out to no end. This is better then any trip Ive ever been on, and its like after i got hurt so much and he rams his dick in, its like he's flipping my switch inside to "on" and get like a HUGE dose of the endorphens and whatever else. This time was weird cos I was so worn out and exhausted I couldnt even like groan or anything, it was like I was a puppet getting stuck on a stick and shake, and I was like in an ocean and go under all the time till he hit me hard in the balls again and I got to the surface again, and then go under again and so on. But going under felt like really really good. The last thing I remember was I came like crazy and the first shot made like a splash on the wall behind my head.

I woke up and it was still dark and I wanted to look at the clock to see how late it was. Ok this is Friday morning and not really part of the Thursday blog but still, kind of belongs here. You have no idea how hard it was to turn my head and look, I had like NO energy, nothing, and no power. It was just 3:55 am and my bf was sleeping tight. I was like checking all my parts but pretty much everything just hurt and I couldnt move much and didnt really want to anyway. Just closed my eyes and was gone.

Ok the rest goes in the Friday blog, but I got to take a break and smoke and check what my bf is up to. He's been hacking like crazy on 2 of his computers, the ones I'm not allowed to touch. He's got like all these monitors set up around himself when hes working at home, looks like Startrek a little. How can you look at 2 monitors at the same time, or even 6? Anyways, I'll type up the Friday blog next and then I'm up to speed again