Thanksgiving Flecktarn Night

Wednesday evening just before Thanksgiving was Flecktarn night like every Wednesday. I was 20 mins late. We had so much to do. Like everyone was leaving town and had to get their truck fixed the last minute. I had like 3 people breathing down my neck to finish stuff up, even after we were already closed. Then I changed in my flecktarn uniform in my truck - no time to go home first. Thats why I had everything in the bag anyway, this isn't the first time. But there was also a lot of traffic so I was 20 minutes late. But there were only a few guys, and my boyfriend Josh wasn't there yet either. Nobody was tied to any of the 2 poles yet.

Just saw with the other 4 guys at the bar and had a beer at the end of the bar on the last stool. They left me alone and after about 10 min or so Josh came and sat with me, and then Master Mitchell and his Russian boy came a little later, and then 2 more guys but that was it. Small crowd, I guess because of the holidays. Nobody made a move to get anyone tied up. From everyone there, I was the only one that was in question anyway and the only one in flecktarn. but I also didn't want to just go and stand at the pole and wait till anyone ties me up and punches me. I figured I just wait and see. I just kept a low profile and sucked on my beer. Everyone else was talking, and so I just watched and listened.

Master Mitchell and his boy kept doing Vodka shots with some of the guys and they got more rowdy. Josh had gone over and sat with them. I was just sitting by myself in the corner. An hour or so into that, and a lot of vodka shots, Mitchell and Josh called me over and said if I wanted to get tied up and get my beating for the night. But then someone said they would have to get up for that so they had me come over to them to get it. So I went and stood in front of Master Mitchell but he wasn't suddenly in a good mood anymore and said I knew better than that. I didn't come close enough and I did not stand up straight and did not put my hands behind my back, and my boots 2 feet apart. I fixed that, and Josh pushed me forward towards him. Then Mitchell got up from his stool and grinned again, and then he punched me hard in the guts, right below the navel. Mitchell does martial arts do he can deliver punches. Of course I bent over, but I left my hands in my neck (I know better than be tempted to take them away). He grabbed my head and pushed it down a little more and said if I was ready to suck his dick and everyone was laughing. But then he raised up his knee and kicked me in the chest, that straightened me back up, but I stumbled backwards into the other guys who were sitting at the bar. They caught me and pushed me back a little so I could get my balance and stand. Then Mitchell grabbed me by the shirt (still had my hands up behind my neck, I did not let the arms go down) and pulled me a couple steps intp the room and turned me around and stepped back a bit. Then he kicked me full force in the balls, tip of his boots dead on. I tried my best to keep standing, but it was just too much. No wonder, when I have to go to his place once a month, he always ties me up so I can't go down. The pain was just too much, I went down on my knees and tried to breathe. They laughed and then ignored me and went back to their vodka shots. I took my hands down and held my balls and felt the pain shoot up from my balls. I was on my knees bent over holding my balls and trying to tough it out.

A couple minutes later Joe got up to take a piss. He is that big black guy who has it still out for me. Even though its been settled between us, since I don't call him nigger to his face anymore and he got to beat me up and fuck me in front of Josh. But he is always on my case anyways. So he got up and walks around the bar for the reatrooms and stops right where I am still on the floor on his way and kicks me in the side and says I am in the way. There are 6 feet in front and behind me, so I really wasn't in the way. And he kicks me again and says get up! and out of the way! SO I work myself up but I am not standing yet when he kicks me hard in the ass, so I fly forward towards the back and fall down again.

But he is right behind me and kicks me in the back and says why I am in the way and to get up. WHen I am on my arms and knees to get up, he kicks me again, really hard this time, in the gut. Fuck that really hurt, and I feel I'm wretching some. But Joe just grabs the neck of my flecktarn shirt and pulls me up with just one arm. He is a big guy, and my 150 pounds are not like a huge weight for him. Then he keeps pushing me, still holding me by my shirt collar on his arm, stretched out straight in front of him, and I am stumbling towards the back and restroom in front of him. From the bar there is laughing and someone yells to "bring him back and don't fuck him up in there" and more loud laughing.

Joe just runs me hard into the wall and then pulls me back by my collar and slams me into the wall again. Theh he lets go and turns me around and pushed my back against the wall and puts his left hand on my shoulder, so I stay there. Then he has this grin on his face looking down to me that I know all to well and asks where I want it. I know better than to say anything. He has at least 50 pounds of muscle on me and a foot taller. From all the other flecktarn nights I know when not to have a smart mouth, and I am not tempted to call him a nigger anymore anyway. It's just not worth it. Doesn't mean he still hates me and I get my share every Wednesday evening from him when he is there; a little more or less.

He says it doesnt look like anyone gets tied up to one of the poles tonight, but I surely want some right? I didn't plan to say anything, but he is waiting for me to say something. I was about to say something like "do it or leave me alone" .. but sometimes it helps that I studder so badly, since I didn't get more out then "d - d- d- d-" and he got impatient already and said that I was "such a shit" and started punching me hard. Joe's punches are like a steel hammer, his arms are as big around as my legs. His left hand is like a claw on my shoulder that keeps me fixed to the wall and from bending over or going down and it seems like its like no effort to him to hold me like that. That guy has so much power. Really sucks that hes a black. He punches me like 7 or 8 times and with the second or so while I try to keep my ab muscles flexed, It seems he is punching them right through against my spine and hurting my spine by squeezing it between my abs and the wall with every one of his punches.

The last one is going up and right into my solar plexus. That instantly killed my air and my legs went like rubber. Before I can drop down, though, he catches me and pushes me hard back up against the wall, and is like leaning against me, while I am desperately trying to get air in my lungs. After a couple of seconds heaving and gasping for air, and feeling my stomach cramping, he says into my ear "so, white boy you know whats next, right?" god I hate tis mo-fo but I can't say anything that would make it only worse. I can't say anything, anyway, cause I am still trying to get air, it feels my lungs are cramped and crumpled up from that punch upwards in my solarplexus. I feel Joe forcing his knee between my legs to open them up, and I don't resist it (whats the point). I know I am trembling and I feel it but I am still without air.

Then Joe rams his knee up the first time, dead in my balls. Oh my god! He is leaning against me with all his weight, and it pushed me up a little. It hurts so much that I suck in air being pushed up, but I can't scream, on breathing out, it's more like a whine I am making and I feel tears on my face. This fucking big nigger is doing whatever he wants with me and he is so much bigger. And I am almost hugging the guy, I have no way else with my arms since he is so close against me. The pain from my balls is going up and down in waves in me, my legs are total rubber, I am just hanging at the wall from the pressure of his big body leaning against me. He is working his knee again to get my legs open wide enough again, and I can't help I am choking up, because its all so helpless for me. And then he knees me a second time. I bet he makes every effort to knee me as hard as what hes got with his big legs. BANG! This time I scream out and then the pain really kicks in and I am sobbing hanging with my chin on his shoulder, and hyperventilating at the same time. I can feel him laughing at me and he is grabbing my ass with both his hands and like kneading it. The he puts his left arm around me and my neck, so my chin stays on his shoulder, and pulls back, so I am literally hanging on him, feet and boots off the floor, and still kind of hugging him, now more so he won't break my neck by which I am hanging on him, not because I don't know where to put my arms. And he says to me, like whispering in my ear, "so, white boy" (he always calls me that when there is nobody in ear shot, just because I used to call him nigger), "one more and you don't walk today.. your boyfriend won't like have" (yeah and he doesn't want to piss of Josh) "and he's gonna fuck you up later". And: "hmmm I would let you suck me off, but from you I'll prolly catch something." I am wondering if his dick is hard now, but I can't feel it one way or the other the way I am hanging from him (he is HUGE, one of the fattest I have seen - and felt as you know -). And then he says this time i get off easy and just lets me drop and I fall down hard.

With that he goes inside the restroom and takes a long piss and whistles!! I am curled up on the floor with the broken little tiles, and can't help the tears. I am retching, I am trying not to throw up.

Then he comes out again and kicks me and says get up, I have to bring you out with me, can't be having Josh get all pissy. You have to think of it like how the niggers talk, like ebonics. I can't write it like that. Just sucks. I can't get up yet so he grabs my left wrist off my balls and twsist my arm and make sme get up. I am stumbling in front of him again, with like rubber legs, but he makes my arm hurt so bad, I have to stay up. Back outisde in front of the bar he lets go and i fall down, on my knees, right in front of Master Mitchell.

And Mitchell says "hello hello hello we were waiting for you.. did you have fun in there?" And everyone is laughing hard. They must have done 10 shots while we were back there. And he tells me to get up and says I can't just have fun. I am trying to but I have a hard time to get on my legs, so he tells the others to  help me. So two of them get up, Mitchells Russian boy and one other ans get me on my feet and the fucking Russian gets behind me and holds me up, his arms under mine and then crossed in my neck.. so Mitchell has me all presented to him. Russian Boy behind me kicks my legs open and he keeps saying shit in russian in my ear. No clue what it means but I don't think it needs translation. Anyway, I get two hard kicks from Mitchell and with the second Russian Boy lets me go and I am just crumpled up on the floor holding my balls, crying, and trying not to throw up.

After that, they ignore me and keep drinking. I just stay there, even after the pain gets better. If I got up, they just get me again. After a while Josh gets up to take a piss, and he grabs me and makes me sit on a bench on the side and says "don't get drunk I need you to drive. And get a fucking grip on yourself." Yeah yeah thats Josh allright. No wonder, the way they have been doing shots, nobody of them can drive. Russian boy doesn't seem drunk at ALL, all the others definitely are way past it. The guy behind the bar isn't arguing he just put the bottles on the bar and ice. I am glad I can just sit on the side and watch, and nobody pays any attention on me. When Josh comes back from his piss, he sits next to me for a second and looks at me. Then he says "quit the crying you look ridicelous" and gets up and back with the others.

It's not too long after that, that they are tired and want to go home. LOL, Mitchell almost fell off his stool, he is THAT drunk!!! I've always heard never drink vodka with a Russian, but what do i know. I know the twisted fucker (both the Russian and Mitchell, which ever you thought I meant). The Russian guy looks like he's been having only water.

Josh comes over and says gimme your keys, so i do and he hands them to the bar guy and says to him to watch the truck or else. You can't leave a car there overnight or its gone or broken in. The bar dude roll shis eyes cos that means he has to watch it to put is somewhere safe but we are too good business plus hes too fucking scared to say anything. So then I have to get up and drive Josh in his truck. Good thing is, I get to go home with him :-)

Not that I feel much like driving, but no choice and I only had 5 or 6 beers earlier. And of course I don't want Josh to drive cos he is defo way past it. Outside i catch a backhand from Mitchell, and he tells me to be a good boy.

Fromt here we go to Josh's place. For a moment I was afraid he'd make me go to The Eagle first or some place but I guess he's had enough. At his place he just smacks me a little and racks me once and then we sleep. A couple hours later at 3 or 4, the usual happens, Josh is sobered up enough, horny and waking up, so he wakes me up and I get my share again. At least it's Thanksgiving and I don't have to get out the house at 7am like normally. Of course he punches my sore nuts but then he fucks me good and I cum a goooood load. Not the 8-footer but good.

Happy Thanksgiving!


.....

Paying for lying

So just after what happened and in the park wasnt all to make up for lying but he let me in at least the next day and fucked me and let me stay over but he was like a little mean all the time but that was my fault. It was like kind of rocky for a couple days after and he said one night Mitchell needed to test something and wanted me over. That SUCKED, and I had like butterflies in my stomach and was scared cos at Mitchells thats always really bad. And it was, that machine he built now is crazy. He had me strip naked with is like really rare with him. Normalle maybe only shirt off and then he ties me up standing with legs wide and arms wide and up and kicks the fucking shit out of my balls. Not this time, just strip naked and lie on the floor between these big 6x6s. Then he tied my neck down hard to the floor with a chain and a rope around my ankles and pulled me up slowly, putting in like heavy metal bars between the big posts till I was all rolled around and my feet came down next to my face. I was looking at the soles of my feet in like a real tight back roll and with my balls right on top. Being rolled back over those bars really fucking hurt my back! Like it was close to snap. Then he tied my arms forward and that was stretching me even more. Like forward and at a angle so I could almost touch my feet. He just hit my nuts hard a couple times and then walked around the other side and rammed his knee in my abs they were just right in front of his knee. Then he just left me their and it didnt took long and like every muscle in my body started to hurt cos being rolled like this was really crazy. H ewas just messing around, I could hear him but I couldnt see him behind me.

This is really so unfair. He just always fucks me up really bad and won't even fuck me. I know he is HUNG, like 2 beer cans on top of each other. Not that I want to be fucked by anyone but my bf but if he always fucks my balls up so bad cos hes really ball crazy, a lot more then my bf, he could at least fuck me really good.

After a long time he came walking over again and I knew now it was gonna get bad. I just wanted out of their but I know its not like this. So he fucked with my balls really bad till I couldnt even scream anymore and then he said I got one other thing to try and all I could think was you fucking shithead sadistic asshole but of course i didnt say nothing it would only make it worse. He said he got a new stun gun, the first with 1 Million volts, and all I could so is say noooooo please - like this would have worked. He is so fucked up. He stunned my belly first and it was like my body wanted to jump and curl inwards of the roll he put me in but of course that didnt work. Tied to tight backwards and my belly trying to cramp up is just the opposite way but it felt like I was ripping all muscles out of my guts and I was close to passing out, really really close and I was hoping I would cos then I dont feel anything anymore. Then he stunned my nuts and I felt only this shirt crazy pain and a bright light in my head and I was out. When I came around my ball were on cold fire, it HURT!!! Like they were turned all steel and at the same time like on fire, really burning with flames shooting up and the pain was like spinning in a roll all around me from by balls through my body to my head and like jumping over to me feet and back up the roll to my balls. This was horrible and I felt like I was gonna die!! And sobbing like crazy, and I had a lot of spit coming out of my mouth, like really a lot.

Then he said one more time and I could go and I tried to plead and beg with him not to, I could not take it anymore. But for one he wouldnt listen anyway, for another whatever came out of my mouth was some wobblybobbly anyways. He was teasing me for a while and holding it out just to scare me more and it was working, he is a fucking scary crazy mean guy. When he stunned my balls the second time I wish I had passed out like right then like the first time but I didnt. It was a lot worse then before, the pain was spinning around that backwards wheel I was tie dup at like crazy like zoom zoom zoom around and my balls felt like they were cramping up too and I was like trying to cramp backwards into the roll like trying to curl up whwn I was like put on their just the other way around. After a bit I did pass out, finally!! When I woke up again I was off that roll, just naked on the ground, and outside behind his garage where his torture room brig is in the second floor under the roof. My uniform was on a pile next to me. I guess I woke up cos I got cold it was kind of chilly. Took me a while to put it on. At Mitchells its always in uniform. I was too sore and too tired to get my boots on so I just carried them barefoot, and walked around and my truck was their. My pockets were empty, but the truck wasnt locked and the keys in the lock and my other stuff on the seat. I had a really hard time driving I got lucky I didnt get pulled over for like how I was swerving. I went to my bf cos its closer and I figured he can see how much I got hurt so i was paying and maybe he would feel bad for me. His Volvo was in his spot but he didnt open when i knocked and didnt asnwer the phone also. So I had to drive all the way up to Addison to my place and that was hard. I am never ever going to lie to my bf again, not even for small stuff. Its not worth it.

Fessing up.. I lied to my bf

Keeping up with my blog aint easy... thers my bf and work and it's like I'm always behind. I'm trying, though!!

So here goes, still have to fess up about this one. I lied to my bf. I thought it was just a little white lie. I know thats like the biggest thing he hates, lies. So this was really stupid of me. Anyways, I was so fucking WORN out that just onenight i wanted to go to my own place and SLEEEEP. So I called him from work and said I had to work late and I didn't know how late so I'd be going to my little place and not come to him. He just said OK. The minute I got to my place I just hopped in the shower and then straight on my bed I didnt even dry off much I was so tired. I think I was already asleep the second I pulled the cover over me. God I needed that, and bad. He wears me out. I know this sounds crazy that for once I didn't want to go to him and his house. When I say "home" I mean HIS house and I know I'm always whining about him not letting me move in but theirs like some days when I have GOT to catch up on sleep. I don't get how he can live on so little sleep and always fuck in the middle of the night when everyones sleeping.

So the next day after work I go over to his house and he is late and I still on the stairs for like an hour and a half till he shows. He got some groceries and we're in the kitchen putting them away and hes saying if I had to work like real late. So what am I gonna say, fess up or what so I say yeah but wasn't too bad, and he wants to know hoe late and I say like 10pm, and then he says if I got paid extra at least and I say no, and he says if everyone had to work late or just me or what. I'm like like squirming some cos I don't want to make it any worse, I feel pretty bad already for making some shit up to get just ONE night of sleep I was needing so bad. But he is riding me in deeper and deeper. This is all while were putting the groceries away. He's asking what we had to do and all that, and I get stuck a little cos I didn't think of that before. I'm not a good liar. Doh!!

So THEN he says he felt bad for me for having to work late and all and he says he came by my work to pick me up for a beer after, and their wasnt anyone, all dark and shut down. I knew I was B-U-S-T-E-D. Fuck. So he says like still all sweet who i hooked up with and if the fuck was any good at least, and I'm like in SHOCK and thinking oh fuck fuck fuck is that what hes thinking??? So I tell him I was just so tired and thats why I did it. Fat chance he was just gonna believe me. So then all of a sudden when I turn around to put the last box of cokes in the fridge he like BAM slugs me in the face with his fist and so hard I fall back and bashed my head in the doors of the cabinets, and I'm like all dizzy and try to get up but the kitchen is all spinning around me. And then he stomps me in the guts and then lets himself fall on me, knee first in my stomach. FUCK! And he stays like that one me and grabs me by my ears and yells in my face I'm a fucking liar and I should of known better then lying to him and what the fuck I was thinking.
Was of course just him and me but I like these pictures so you get an idea. So he says for me to finish putting the cokes away but I'm like real dizzy and from him falling with his knee in my stomach with all his weight I'm like ready to throw up, I feel it coming. I think I put half the cokes in upside down. And when I'm done and get up I get sick and throw up in the sink. And I'm feeling miserable and mad at myself cos I know it was stupid to lie and now I get to hear and feel it for 2 or more weeks and I know theirs gonna be hell to pay, this is nothing (!!) of what I know I got coming. God why am I so stupid sometimes just for wanting to sleep one night? dumb dumb dumb!!! So I'm still hanging ver the kitchen sink and puking and I am so mad at myself and so miserable that I cant help it and tear up and them im like crying. Fuck thats not what I want but I cant help it. I'm like balling and its weird like I try to flush the puke and tears are like dripping into it.. god I'm so FUBAR.

So he comes and stands right behind me and grabs my neck with his left hand and force my head down and jabs me hard in the kidneys that would have made me jolt up but hes got me down by my neck. And he says so NOW I'm feeling bad but I should know better not to lie and crying a little and regretting it now wouldnt make it go away and that I was a little fucking shit liar and how I could do this to him after all this time??? And hes going on and on about breaking trust and respect and all that and it makes me just feel worse and worse and GUILTY. And hes saying that if after all this time I'm still lying to him theirs no hope and he should just make me KAPUT and throw me out for good. Break al lmy bones and my balls and fist my ass till he gets all the way to my little fucking heart and rip it out my ass and then dump me. I'm getting like totally in panic and I'm thinking OH MY GOD NO he's really calling it quits, I fucked up too bad, and I'm like screaming and pleeding and trying to tell him I just wanted to sleep and that I'm sooooo sooooo soooooo sorry and I didnt really mean to and that is was more like a little white lie cos he never lets me sleep one night through --- but he really doesnt want to hear nothing and it sure dont help I studder so bad cos I cant get like anything really out in one piece. He's like totally going off the handle. Still holding me down over the sink and hitting my kidneys (GOD that HURTS) and kneeing my thighs from the back and my ass so I get smashed against the marble of the counters and the cabinets. Then he says if I'm done throwing up and I say yes and he says oh really and pulls me back a little so my chin is like on the front corner of the sink and rams his knee right in my guts a couple times. After the first one I just hang down on the cabinet but he grabs my belt on my jeans and pulls me up so he has a clear shot. I'm not doing anything to block him or what, I deserve it so I just cramp my hands on the corner of the sink. And I think he's like trying to break my back the way hes pulling his knee up to ram my guts. After a couple I do have to puke some more. Then he says now I'm done puking and he lets me off and I just fall back on the floor and cry and try telling him I didn't mean to. I hate that I can't talk right but this time I REALLY REALLY hate it cos I'm like still retching like crazy and I can't get one word out right. So he tells me to shut the fuck up and kicks me over and over in the guts and a couple in the balls, wherever he gets me as I'm like flipping around to dodge the kicks and trying to protect my balls. He stops and tells me to get the fuck on my back and spread my legs so he has a clear shot and after a bit I do, I aint got no choice. And he fucking stomps me, I bet he did it as hard as he could. I'm wanting to scream but I suddenly get no air. He kicks me full force in the balls sometimes but this felt like he was trying to break them. My balls are killing me and I'm so fucking miserable from how it hurts but worse from me being so stupid lying to him like I was gonne get away with it and just for some sleep! I so deserve to get punsihed but I dont want him to dump me!!! I can't stop crying and as I get some air I'm still trying to tell him how sorry I am and why i did it but I can't get anything out really that he can understand. He's just standing their and watching me and he looks fucking MAD!

Then after like a couple minutes or so watching me curled up and crying and gets down on the floor behind me and grabs my right ear and pulls my head up. That hurts my ear but my balls and my guts hurt a lot more. And he's talking in my ear saying I'm a little shit and whats he gonna do with me, seems like I never learn nothing. Maybe it would be the best if he gave me back to Mitchell's in his platoon, maybe I'd be better off being his meat for all his torture machines to try out on, or maybe better to the crazy guys in Waco where I wouldn't last 2 weeks. Now he's really scaring me, if he dumps me thats like the end of my world but on top having to go back to being Mitchell's I'd kill myself rather, and with the guys in Waco that would get me killed. Thats where crazy Bryce is and his CO is like 10 times what Mitchell is and Mitchell is a sadistic motherfucker!! So I'm like really balling now and begging him no please don't and all as much as I can even get it out. So he says so NOW I'm sorry now that I got caught but thats kind of late and what I was the fuck thinking?? He is like really mad, and really hurt I would lie to him. I wish I never did, what was it worth just to sleep a couple hours? Maybe I could have just asked him real nice instead if he would let me sleep just one night through or wait for a night when he wasnt wanting me over anyways and bear it out in the meantime. And now I'm like risking everything and maybe even worse. I'm such a stupid idiot!!

So then he grabs my wrist and twists my arms up really bad behind me, like he's gonna break my elbow or pop it out in my shoulder and I'm flat on my stomach. It's weird I feel the floor on the kitchen is like wet from me crying and balling and I'm thinking I'm such a sissy, I brought this all over myself and now I'm like a whining bitch when I got to pay for being a stupid liar. Then he pulls me up by my twisted arm and it hurts!! It's like its going out my shoulder for sure. I can hardly stand cos I'm so wobbly and I am dizzy too. Feels like I have a concussion or something, I can't look straight like its all fuzzy. He is pushing me forward through the hallway to the bedroom, and in the corner that hes using when he's beating me up. Cos in the corner it's easier for him to keep me standing up and I got nowhere to go, the only way is forward into his fists that keep flying at me.
So he's pushing me in the corner hard, and he starts hitting me and he's laying it in me. He's really mad. I'm not even trying to block him. For one my arms are so lame I could hardly get them up and I want to take his punishment so he won't dump me. I'm still trying to tell him I didnt mean to and I'm sorry but hes hitting too hard. My legs are so wobbly I can't really stand even if I leanin the corner and he grabs my throat with his left hand and keeps hitting me hard with his right fist, over and over and over, and in between he grabs my throat with both his hands and with his knee push my legs apart so he can ram it straight up in my balls. Once I put my hands to protect my balls but he says to fucking move them away and I dont know where really it was a reflex cos it hurt so bad so I put my arms around his neck and at least then I get it out once how sorry I am but he just racks me really hard over and over and is calling me a fucking piece of shit and not worth it and a motherfucking liar who dont learn nothing and all that. This goes on forever and I get a little hopefull while is is fucking me up good that maybe if he really goes all out on me he wont dump me maybe. Then in the end I cant stand anymore at all and he can't hold me up either, like my legs are like totally giving away. So I sink down in the corner and he keeps kicking me some more but I don't really feel it much anymore. I'm like halfway out, the room is spinning all around me and I feel like I have to throw up really bad but I cant anymore and my balls are like hurting up to my neck and my stomach feels like its been ripped into pieces and hurts bad and my guts are like mush like theive been through a blender. I'm just curled up in the corner and crying cos I'm soooo sorry. He just walks out.

And he's not coming back. I hear him do stuff in the kitchen, and then wathcing his German TV and do whatever. I don't know what to do, if I shouuld go to him or better stay out of his sight or what. And I don't really want to move so much anyway, I'm fucked up and hurting bad. And I don't know what to say to him. After a while I just crawl a little to lie on the bed. I don't even feel like taking my cloths off, its like I'm hurting too much to move enough to strip, even to take my sneaks off. Then I must have gone to sleep.

He wakes me up when hes going to bed and kicks me off it. He says I can fucking sleep on the floor and after I'm off the bed he drags me back in the corner. He's cussing at me, shithead motherfucker lying bitch and all so I know its not over yet. Then he strips and goes to bed and switch the light off and I'm just in my corner in all my cloths still and cyring a little again. Its rare he goes to bed and not get off first he must be really fucking mad at me. Theirs a little light in the room from the parking lot outside and I can see he's not asleep yet. After like 10 mins or so he says oh fuck and gets up and without saying a word just grabs my legs and pulls me so I'm straight on my back. He opens my belt and my levis and pulls them down with the underwear to like half my thighs, sits on my legs and then starts punching me in the balls. Fuck that hurts but I'm hopefull maybe if he does that he wont dump me if he gets off on me too good so I try not to make a show and bite my tongue really hard and I'm putting my hands behind my back so I wont by accident try to protect my nuts. Its hard to even move my arms up. I know I've got to be good now and just take it but it's hard, really hard. My balls are so fucking sore and he is really punching hard. My abs, my belly, my stomach its all cramping up like crazy and I'm digging my fingers so hard in my neck not to let go and not to arch up that it hurts like its gonna bleed any second. My teeth are about to crack cos I'm biting down so hard and I can feel my tears run down on the sides of my face but I'm not making any sounds, just taking it. But I'm so fucking sore and hurting I'm not getting a boner like normal. Thank heavens, cos if I got stuff he would have got real mad. He keeps punching and like really super hard, maybe 20 or 30 times, I dont know. Then he stops and jacks off and he cums all over me. In my face, on my belly and I can feel it hitting my tshirt also that got pushed up some. Then he just sits for a moment or two coming down from the high and then he takes my balls and pulls hard so I have to bend up till my face is like 3 inches from his. And in the little light in the room he looks me straight in the eye and says motherfucking LIAR!! and then he suckerpunches me in the face so my lips bleed and my teeth hurt and gets up and back into bed. And in like 2 minutes or so he's sleeping. I don't know what to do if I should get into bed or what or at least pull up my jeans.. but then I'm too worn out and hurting so bad I just keep lying their and dont move and then I'm asleep too.

I didnt hear the alarms at all or him getting up or anything, I'm like dead till he kicks me hard in the stomach and kinda yells get up your late for work in a minute. And true when I look at the clock I am. But I got to shower and borrow at least a T from him cos mine has like his cum all over it, and since its dark blue it really sticks out. So when I try to get up which isnt easy cos I'm like S-O-R-E and I try to make my way over to the bathroom to shower he says if I'm nuts or what?? And he says to get the fuck out!! I'm like puzzled and he just grabs me and runs me out, like pushing me and when I'm out the door, he pushed me more so I fall flat on my face on the concrete outside. Then he goes back in and 20 seconds later he throws my keys and my cigs out too and shuts the door. I'm heartbroken am I dumped now or what?? He's thrown me out before a couple times like this but that was only when he was in a hurry and I was messing around holding him up, not like after I got caught lying. So I get up go get my keys and my cigs and like stumble over to my truck up front. And inside it hits me what if that was getting DUMPED?? and I'm out for good?? thats when it really hits me and I sit over my steering wheel and cry like really really hard for like 10 minutes. I cant think how it could be without him, its like my life is over. But then I have to go to work, I'm already kinda in trouble with the manager cos I'm late a lot and he hates it when everyone is like 5 or 10 min late. I was wanting to go to my place first and change but then I'd be really late.

So I go to work like this, and I'm thinking its really warm today and I work with no shirt like I always do when its hot in the shop. I make it to work like 2 minutes early so at least that works and make it to the bathrooms and showers with nobody seeing me too good. I hop in the shower cos the manager was busy with something when I walked through the shop and theirs no customers yet. In the mirror I see I got some blue spots from the hitting on my ribs and my belly. Fuck. But my T has so much cum on it, and it really sticks out. I'm trying to wash it out in the sink and it works kinda but my T is totally wet. So I walk out with it off and holding it like in front of me till I get to my lift. Cody sees me and says hi and says dude ruff night huh and grins. I'm just mumbling something like yeah yeah I dont feel like yakking now.

At my lift I'm hanging up the T so it can dry and I still got a car up their from yesterday so I smear some grease over the blue spots on my ribs and belly and start working. I feel like I'm ready to cry though, what if I'm really dumped? All day the other guys leave me alone, I think they can tell I'm sad. And all day I call my bf like 20 times but I only get his box. Dunno if he's busy or if he wont take my calls. Lucky theirs a lot going on so I'm like busy all day. Even forgot about my tshirt, and at least at the end of the day I have something dry and fairly clean to wear. And I dont know what to do. I'm feeling like going home and crashing so I sleep, but I want to know whats up and if I'm dumped and how I can fix it but I dont know how to. Best I go to him if he wont take my calls all day. I'm thinking I better look hot, maybe he forgivs me easier if hes horny. But what should I wear, and if I go to my place first to change I get their late and maybe he thinks I should just run over after work. Theirs just nothing right. In the end I think its best if I put my uniform on first and then go. He loves this shit and he made me join the group, and he gets off on that POW stuff a LOT. I figure if I show up in my uniform I can show more that I do ANYTHING for him, even all that group stuff and he knows I'm not soo hot for all that anyways. So I speed to my place, change in the BDUs and boots and everything, even the camo cap, and then over to his place. His Volvo isn't there so he is not home. Fuck. I hope he's not fucking the next guy already. I call again and he doesnt answer. By now he's prolly already mad at me for calling so much. So I sit on the steps and wait but after 1 hour it feels stupid and theirs this guy walking by with his dog and looking weird at me in my uniform. Since my truck is parked in the same space as always he will see it and I go sit away a bit where people wont stare. I'm like totally nervus and I think I smoked like 2 packs. He isn't coming, and it's almost 11pm. I feel soooo miserable cos its dawning in me I'm really dumped. Maybe I'm getting too old for him anyways and maybe hes getting tired of me anyways too. Hes fucked me about like 1,000 times ball parkish, and then he catch me lying, maybe thats really it. The longer I'm sitting their waiting for him the worse I feel and I keep tearing up.

So then he finally shows up, Ive been waiting like over 4 hours. And I run over to him. He must have known I'm their cos of my truck and he had to drive right by it. But hes like all surprised and says what the fuck am I doing here and I'm like trying to say I'm so sorry and would do anything if he forgivs me but all I can do is cry and nothing comes really out. I HATE myself for crying he hates wussies and he says oh fuck cut out the tears. Then hes just looking at me and I know the uniform is working. Thank heavens I know him so good. I can see it working in him like hes debating what to do kick me in the ass and tell me to get lost forever or do something. I dont like believe in God, cos how could I, but I'm like praying oh please dont let him make me go. He keeps looking at me for like 5 minutes and not saying nothing and I know better then saying anything now so I keep my mouth shut, like I'm waiting for the verdict like jury but it feels like this is like taking FOR-EV-ER.

So then finally!!! he like sighs and puts his hand out and only says 'truck keys'. I rush and get them out of my pocket and give my keys to him and he just turns around and walks up to my truck. So I follow him and I'm thinking this is good! Thank heavens!! Maybe hes not gonna dump me after all. And I keep thinking as I walk behind him thats like the first night he picked me up at the Eagle when he just came over to me after I kept staring at him all night and just said to pull up my shirt so he could look at my abs and then said hes wanting to fuck me and its gonna hurt bad and just turned around and walked out. Anyways he gets in my truck and I hop in and hes driving down to the park we've been at a couple times at night. Its closed after sundown so theirs like nobody and he parks at the liqor store in the back next and we walk in, me like 3 steps behind, trying to keep up cos hes walking fast. Till we get to the spot we've been at before and he turns around and grabs me by the shirt and pushes me against a tree and then just starts laying it on me without saying one word. Just beating the crap out of me and I'm not fighting him. When he lets me finaly go down to the ground he keeps kicking me all over till I wont even flinch anymore and I'm like about right their where I'm about to pass out. But I'm not mad or nothing, I'm just hoping if this is like punishment hes not gonna dump me, and if he didnt beat the crap out of me I'd just be so over. Then he finally stops and he pulls my BDU pants down to my ankles. Hehehe good I didnt put on any underwear :-)

The fuck is just a quick one just so he gets off but I'm like really happy he fucks. Cos I keep thinking even if he thinks I'm a shithead fucking liar he still gets off on me and my ass. When hes done he says the keys are gonna be on the front tire and hes gonna call tomorrow. The he just walks off. I'm fucking done. It hurts a little that he just leaves me their like this, fucked up with my pants on my ankles but hes gonna call so I'm not dumped!!

I'm staying their all alone for a long while cos I'm fucking hurting like shit. Some wild cat comes by like shes all curious. Walking all the way back to his house is TUFF it takes me like 3 hours or so cos I got to stop a bunch of times. Walking with nuts hurting so bad and no underwear hurts.. a LOT! Its only like 3 miles or so but its hard. Since he left the keys he dont want me to come in so I drive home. I got maybe 2 hours left to sleep and of course I oversleep.

Fuck! So I rush to get to work but for once I get really lucky. I'm walking in thinking what I tell my manager now and Noah pulls me inside the front and says dude take these filters and say I sent you to get them cos Shane wouldnt go do it. And like 10 seconds later or less the manager walks in and says where the fuck have you been its like 9:30!!! And I just say what Noah told me and he looks at me and at Noah and says really?? and Noah says yeah, Shane wouldnt go and we got like customers and we're out so I sent Kevin. I think he knew totally their was something fishy but he let it go. I so totally owe Noah. He's a cool guy.

THURSDAY!!!

Thursday started really good. I was late 5 minutes for work but as I got in, the manager was ripping Shane a second one, and like so everyone saw it. I missed the first part but I guess he pissed off some customer and the customer came back at opening and fucked with the manager and now Shane got it. Serves him right. At least till noon Shane is gonna steam by himself and someone's gonna get it later on when he blows.

Then his one lady comes and she always wants me to work on her car so thats all good and she always tips me like $20 when my manager isnt looking. I can't figure her out but whatever, nobody else ever gives me a 20 just like that.

At lunch I dont even go eat, just lie on my truck and when my bf calls like I thought he would, I tell him I didnt even go to lunch and he says good and see you later and hangs up. So I'm good to go after work tonight, and if hes planning something, I am sooo gonna get fucked, only theirs prolly a high price I got to pay. but hey, whatever. SO I'm like in a really good mood for the rest of the day, and even when Shane finally cracked and vented off, didnt get to me at all. He was about to go after the new guy but just then the manager walked in the back and he kicked the wall instead and really hurt himself. He can be a real ass but also real stupid sometimes.

So after work I shower real good and get clean in and out and lose no time to go to my bf's house. He's already home so I dont have to wait for him, and I can tell he's so def horny :-) At home he always just wears sweat pants or his adidas trainers and never a shirt unless its like really cold and I can see his boner going already. So I already know he's got something planned out, nothing much that can go wrong now. Finally ... I havent got a fuck Monday, Tuesday, AND Wednesday.

But he's all nice, he isnt just jumping me and beating the crap out of me or anything. Hes giving me a bottle of water and says to drink it and we go smoke a little on the patio and hes just asking how my day was and all. I'm getting a little suspicius, what the heck is he up to now? Thats the hot thing about him, hes tuff and always up to no good but like even after almost 2 years I can never tell with him whats gonna happen next. Hes like always toying with me. God, when we're just standing around like this and I look at him, I get weak knees. He has like so no idea how much I am in love with him and how much I crave him using me and doing whatever that gets him off. And he always likes plays it cool like I'm just some shithead fucker he is using when hes like feeling like it, or be nice to when hes in the mood, or beat the fuck up if hes in a real crappy mood. But like if I was gone it wouldn't matter for him. Always breaks my heart even tho I know its not like that and he's just doing his attitude thing but it still hurts like fuck. And that hurt is a lot lot worse then the worst pain he makes me suffer thru beating me up and punching my balls or whatever.

Anyway so we just hang out in the patio and I finally finish the water and he goes back in and I after him, and he heads back to the bedroom and like asks me if I need to go piss or anything. I do just in case. Hes already waiting for me when I get to the bedroom and has this grin but his eyes are like cold. Ice cold. I'm looking around a little but like so it doesn't look like I'm looking around to see if hes got anything out and I def have the feeling I'm gonna get hurt, and BAD. Then he says hey I'm in a really kinky mood and I want to try something and he makes it sound like hes telling me I have a way out. That makes me like really nauseus, cos I know this is not a good sign. And when he says it like that its like hes having like a little of a bad consciense but he knows and I knows theirs no way I can back out anyways and I don't want to anyways cos I know hes not gonna like it if he doesnt get to do whatever he's got planned. But when hes like that I get the chills and scared. Every time he gets like one of his really sadistic streaks, it gets me the best fucks in the end, ever, but its like I got to pay such a high price its always like I ask myself if its worth it. So I stand their like a dumbass and I'm scared about what the price is gonna be this time but he is set to go and doesnt want to mess around so he tells me to strip. I do, and not like normal when I rip my shit off when he tells me to get naked, I got like the butterflies going in my stomach and my guts all cramped up and its like my balls already start hurting a little, like they know also whats coming to them. And when I'm all naked and stand up, he looks down at my dick and grins some more, cos its like my dick knows this is not gonna be fun for a long time and is not wanting to be a boner. And he tips me a little so I lie down on the bed and I do, on my back and spread my legs. I figure he's going to want me to spread them to take a bunch of ball punchs like he loves it most. But he isnt and takes his sweet ass time to tie me up, arms and legs spred to the corners and real tight so I cant move much. Now I know this is going to be really bad, cos he rarely takes time like this, even tho I really like to get tied up, for him its mostly like too much trouble, maybe cuffs cos their quick and easy. So then he's got me all tied up and looks at me and I get a little panicky but of course I try not to show it and try to work up a boner but no chance. I know him too good, this is gonna be bad, and not in a fun way bad. I just wonder what he is up to, punching my balls even the crazy times, for that he wouldn't tie me up like this, just cuff my hands to the chain and padlock around my neck or so, so I cant try to protect my balls when I break down. This is gonna be different, and for sure not easier.

And then he gets some duct tape and first puts a strip over my mouth and then wraps 2 layers over it and around my head. I'm getting really shitscared now cos this is like rare. I think its only been 2 times in almost 2 years hes done that, so he's thinking I'm gonna try to scream the place down. Oh-oh. OK now I know I am FUCKED and its like its coming over me that he is going to really really hurt me bad and its also coming over me it means I get my brains fucked out, and FOR SURE!! This crazy stuff always turns him on like nothing else and when hes turned on like nothing else he isnt fucking, he's raping. Theirs two GOOD ways he fucks: when hes turned on like crazy, and when hes wanting it to be good for me, and then he fucks like GOD. I got fucked by a lot of guys in my life but nobody fucks like him when hes wanting it to be good. I kind of live for those fucks, and the ones in between are like the buildup to the next. But for both ways I have to pay for it, and a lot. Hes either gonna hurt me really bad or hes having a real bad consciense to make up for when hes thinking he was like really to mean to me.

So I know I'm sooo FUCKED and I know I'm gonna get one of his God fucks later for it, and so even tho I'm scared shitless, I spring a boner like bang! I know its kind of weird I get so scared, cos I get off on pain and all, but even tho I dig the pain and the way it feels, I'm not like some superhero and it fucking hurts, a lot. And he knows really mean ways to make it hurt, and he never stops cos he gets off on it the more it really gets to me.

Hes got me all tied up and ducttaped and looks me over and grins and then he makes a fist and shows it to me and slams it just once in my balls. Stings, hard, but one I can take and not make a wimp. And then he goes and gets those 2 old german army field telephones from like 1962 he got shipped like 2 weeks ago. I was wondering why he got those, I figured make for some stuff in the group next time we're out for some field trip or something. I didnt really think much about it but it kinda dawns on me now what their for. He puts wires on the 2 poles of one of them and the other end is like blank with no insulation and he is wrapping each end around one of my nuts and then puts more duct tape around each ball, like if for insulation so the 2 wires wont touch. Then he just grins again and says here's like a bit of training on field phones. They work just by picking up the receiver, cos they have batteries in them. And he picks up the receiver of the one hes hooked up to my balls, and I jump like 10 inches up with my ass: theirs a lot of juice in that thing!!! Wow that was a jolt, and it cuts my breath for a second. Its kind of hard to breath thru the nose anyways, cos my mouth is taped shut like really good. The he says but if you just lift the receiver, the other end doesnt know someones on the line so you got to ring them, and he lifts the phone some so I can see better and theirs this handle on the side to fold out, and he says one just needs to crank it and it makes the other phone ring.

And so he cranks it a little and I go totally BESERK!!! I'be had tons of electro on my nuts, hes even used a stungun on my balls before but this is nothing like it. Its like they turn cold metal and get in a grinder and the balls shoot out flash pain that I can feel in my fingers and it makes my mouth taste like metal, like when you hold a battery to your tong. I cant believe he's gonna use this stuff on me, and he hasnt even started really.

So he is getting started to work that crank and since I can see the clock on the side of the bed, its only been like 10 mins after he got going to when he stops for now. It feels like its been an hour and im wet with sweat, almost chewd through the ducttape, crying and in my mind begging him to no go again, I mean he must be really horny by now.. but I know him a lot better then that he would never let me get off this easy. And of course he didnt. THIS is the kind of stuff that gets him really off and he sometimes says I should he glad he isnt in that mood like every other day.

After like over 3 more hours I guess his arm got lame from the cranking, cos he pulled the wires out of that thing. Not that I cared about nothing anymore I was out of my fucking mind. This bad I haven't hurt in a loooong time, I'm a fucking mess and like way beyond anything where them endorphens could do anything for me. Absolutely everything is hurting in my body, my balls the worst of course and everything their attached to, but all my muscles and stuff too from the jerking around like crazy and flopping from the pain. The last 2 hours Ive only been wishing to pass out so it was over but he'd always go a little slower like he could tell when I was close to goin out. I'm like worn and a mess, if he'd stomped my balls I bet I wouldnt even have flinched anymore, their was like no power left in me for whatever. I heard this pinging noise in my ears, like sonar and like in sync with the pain in a pulse from my balls. And I wanted to cry or wail just cos it would feel like letting some of the pain out somehow but I just couldnt, I couldnt like even move. God he knows how to fuck me over really good. So then he untied me and ripped the tape off but I lie their like the same cos I couldnt even move and he sits on my belly and slaps me in the face so I pay attention, And he says good little motherfucker you still have half a boner going and grins. I couldnt even feel my dick and I couldnt think I would have anything but only a shriveld dick. And he slides up some till hes sitting on my chest, and I dont even have the power to breth against him, he is like pressing my chest down. And I stare right at his dick in front of my face. I know his dick in and out and I can tell when he is hard and when he is REALLY hard. Now it is really hard and I still think even then it is so fucking hot that even tho he is so hard and turned on his skin still goes over the head (cos hes uncut). So now I'm getting what I had to earn so fucking hard, and I hope I'm not gonna pass out. I know this sounds like real stupid, first I want to pass out and then I don't. I guess I cant make up my mind.

He wants me to turn over cos he likes it doggy the most and he said once he likes it cos its more humiliating for the guys thats getting fucked. It's hot but I like to see him when he fucks me but of course I could never tell him that plus it's not so much his thing. I can't move really, I tried to get up but I couldnt even get my shoulder off higher then maybe an inch and flop back down. But hes now more then good and ready to get off so he dont bother much and just lifts me up. Sucks he's got to take the sec to put the rubber on. This is when I hate it so much that Ive been such a slut and a junkie and got poz. I WISH he didnt have to wear the rubbers and do me for real but of course thats over for my life. Anyway he rams it in and hits me with another knuckle punch in the balls that make me arch up to him even tho a second ago I couldnt even get my shoulder off the futon. I think it wasnt even 2 minutes or so till my boner was bang on and I was riding into fuck heaven again. He's like so awesome when he wants. He kept hitting me in the nuts hard when he was thinking I felt too good but that couldnt stop me anymore. Its what I had to suffer for so bad for so long all evening and after I get so FUCKED UP I want my brains fucked out to no end. This is better then any trip Ive ever been on, and its like after i got hurt so much and he rams his dick in, its like he's flipping my switch inside to "on" and get like a HUGE dose of the endorphens and whatever else. This time was weird cos I was so worn out and exhausted I couldnt even like groan or anything, it was like I was a puppet getting stuck on a stick and shake, and I was like in an ocean and go under all the time till he hit me hard in the balls again and I got to the surface again, and then go under again and so on. But going under felt like really really good. The last thing I remember was I came like crazy and the first shot made like a splash on the wall behind my head.

I woke up and it was still dark and I wanted to look at the clock to see how late it was. Ok this is Friday morning and not really part of the Thursday blog but still, kind of belongs here. You have no idea how hard it was to turn my head and look, I had like NO energy, nothing, and no power. It was just 3:55 am and my bf was sleeping tight. I was like checking all my parts but pretty much everything just hurt and I couldnt move much and didnt really want to anyway. Just closed my eyes and was gone.

Ok the rest goes in the Friday blog, but I got to take a break and smoke and check what my bf is up to. He's been hacking like crazy on 2 of his computers, the ones I'm not allowed to touch. He's got like all these monitors set up around himself when hes working at home, looks like Startrek a little. How can you look at 2 monitors at the same time, or even 6? Anyways, I'll type up the Friday blog next and then I'm up to speed again