Hunts in Rural Texas

The Texas Farm Bureau posted this pic today on facebook:

This is the same wide open land the hunts take place at. Last was on 4th of July long weekend.

Anyway...

Memorial Day Hunt

This Memorial Day weekend was another hunt. I was one of the ones getting hunted and PoW.

I am still too exhausted to write it all up, most of it I can't tell anyways.

Just so y'all know why I wasn't online all this weekend.

Fessing up.. I lied to my bf

Keeping up with my blog aint easy... thers my bf and work and it's like I'm always behind. I'm trying, though!!

So here goes, still have to fess up about this one. I lied to my bf. I thought it was just a little white lie. I know thats like the biggest thing he hates, lies. So this was really stupid of me. Anyways, I was so fucking WORN out that just onenight i wanted to go to my own place and SLEEEEP. So I called him from work and said I had to work late and I didn't know how late so I'd be going to my little place and not come to him. He just said OK. The minute I got to my place I just hopped in the shower and then straight on my bed I didnt even dry off much I was so tired. I think I was already asleep the second I pulled the cover over me. God I needed that, and bad. He wears me out. I know this sounds crazy that for once I didn't want to go to him and his house. When I say "home" I mean HIS house and I know I'm always whining about him not letting me move in but theirs like some days when I have GOT to catch up on sleep. I don't get how he can live on so little sleep and always fuck in the middle of the night when everyones sleeping.

So the next day after work I go over to his house and he is late and I still on the stairs for like an hour and a half till he shows. He got some groceries and we're in the kitchen putting them away and hes saying if I had to work like real late. So what am I gonna say, fess up or what so I say yeah but wasn't too bad, and he wants to know hoe late and I say like 10pm, and then he says if I got paid extra at least and I say no, and he says if everyone had to work late or just me or what. I'm like like squirming some cos I don't want to make it any worse, I feel pretty bad already for making some shit up to get just ONE night of sleep I was needing so bad. But he is riding me in deeper and deeper. This is all while were putting the groceries away. He's asking what we had to do and all that, and I get stuck a little cos I didn't think of that before. I'm not a good liar. Doh!!

So THEN he says he felt bad for me for having to work late and all and he says he came by my work to pick me up for a beer after, and their wasnt anyone, all dark and shut down. I knew I was B-U-S-T-E-D. Fuck. So he says like still all sweet who i hooked up with and if the fuck was any good at least, and I'm like in SHOCK and thinking oh fuck fuck fuck is that what hes thinking??? So I tell him I was just so tired and thats why I did it. Fat chance he was just gonna believe me. So then all of a sudden when I turn around to put the last box of cokes in the fridge he like BAM slugs me in the face with his fist and so hard I fall back and bashed my head in the doors of the cabinets, and I'm like all dizzy and try to get up but the kitchen is all spinning around me. And then he stomps me in the guts and then lets himself fall on me, knee first in my stomach. FUCK! And he stays like that one me and grabs me by my ears and yells in my face I'm a fucking liar and I should of known better then lying to him and what the fuck I was thinking.
Was of course just him and me but I like these pictures so you get an idea. So he says for me to finish putting the cokes away but I'm like real dizzy and from him falling with his knee in my stomach with all his weight I'm like ready to throw up, I feel it coming. I think I put half the cokes in upside down. And when I'm done and get up I get sick and throw up in the sink. And I'm feeling miserable and mad at myself cos I know it was stupid to lie and now I get to hear and feel it for 2 or more weeks and I know theirs gonna be hell to pay, this is nothing (!!) of what I know I got coming. God why am I so stupid sometimes just for wanting to sleep one night? dumb dumb dumb!!! So I'm still hanging ver the kitchen sink and puking and I am so mad at myself and so miserable that I cant help it and tear up and them im like crying. Fuck thats not what I want but I cant help it. I'm like balling and its weird like I try to flush the puke and tears are like dripping into it.. god I'm so FUBAR.

So he comes and stands right behind me and grabs my neck with his left hand and force my head down and jabs me hard in the kidneys that would have made me jolt up but hes got me down by my neck. And he says so NOW I'm feeling bad but I should know better not to lie and crying a little and regretting it now wouldnt make it go away and that I was a little fucking shit liar and how I could do this to him after all this time??? And hes going on and on about breaking trust and respect and all that and it makes me just feel worse and worse and GUILTY. And hes saying that if after all this time I'm still lying to him theirs no hope and he should just make me KAPUT and throw me out for good. Break al lmy bones and my balls and fist my ass till he gets all the way to my little fucking heart and rip it out my ass and then dump me. I'm getting like totally in panic and I'm thinking OH MY GOD NO he's really calling it quits, I fucked up too bad, and I'm like screaming and pleeding and trying to tell him I just wanted to sleep and that I'm sooooo sooooo soooooo sorry and I didnt really mean to and that is was more like a little white lie cos he never lets me sleep one night through --- but he really doesnt want to hear nothing and it sure dont help I studder so bad cos I cant get like anything really out in one piece. He's like totally going off the handle. Still holding me down over the sink and hitting my kidneys (GOD that HURTS) and kneeing my thighs from the back and my ass so I get smashed against the marble of the counters and the cabinets. Then he says if I'm done throwing up and I say yes and he says oh really and pulls me back a little so my chin is like on the front corner of the sink and rams his knee right in my guts a couple times. After the first one I just hang down on the cabinet but he grabs my belt on my jeans and pulls me up so he has a clear shot. I'm not doing anything to block him or what, I deserve it so I just cramp my hands on the corner of the sink. And I think he's like trying to break my back the way hes pulling his knee up to ram my guts. After a couple I do have to puke some more. Then he says now I'm done puking and he lets me off and I just fall back on the floor and cry and try telling him I didn't mean to. I hate that I can't talk right but this time I REALLY REALLY hate it cos I'm like still retching like crazy and I can't get one word out right. So he tells me to shut the fuck up and kicks me over and over in the guts and a couple in the balls, wherever he gets me as I'm like flipping around to dodge the kicks and trying to protect my balls. He stops and tells me to get the fuck on my back and spread my legs so he has a clear shot and after a bit I do, I aint got no choice. And he fucking stomps me, I bet he did it as hard as he could. I'm wanting to scream but I suddenly get no air. He kicks me full force in the balls sometimes but this felt like he was trying to break them. My balls are killing me and I'm so fucking miserable from how it hurts but worse from me being so stupid lying to him like I was gonne get away with it and just for some sleep! I so deserve to get punsihed but I dont want him to dump me!!! I can't stop crying and as I get some air I'm still trying to tell him how sorry I am and why i did it but I can't get anything out really that he can understand. He's just standing their and watching me and he looks fucking MAD!

Then after like a couple minutes or so watching me curled up and crying and gets down on the floor behind me and grabs my right ear and pulls my head up. That hurts my ear but my balls and my guts hurt a lot more. And he's talking in my ear saying I'm a little shit and whats he gonna do with me, seems like I never learn nothing. Maybe it would be the best if he gave me back to Mitchell's in his platoon, maybe I'd be better off being his meat for all his torture machines to try out on, or maybe better to the crazy guys in Waco where I wouldn't last 2 weeks. Now he's really scaring me, if he dumps me thats like the end of my world but on top having to go back to being Mitchell's I'd kill myself rather, and with the guys in Waco that would get me killed. Thats where crazy Bryce is and his CO is like 10 times what Mitchell is and Mitchell is a sadistic motherfucker!! So I'm like really balling now and begging him no please don't and all as much as I can even get it out. So he says so NOW I'm sorry now that I got caught but thats kind of late and what I was the fuck thinking?? He is like really mad, and really hurt I would lie to him. I wish I never did, what was it worth just to sleep a couple hours? Maybe I could have just asked him real nice instead if he would let me sleep just one night through or wait for a night when he wasnt wanting me over anyways and bear it out in the meantime. And now I'm like risking everything and maybe even worse. I'm such a stupid idiot!!

So then he grabs my wrist and twists my arms up really bad behind me, like he's gonna break my elbow or pop it out in my shoulder and I'm flat on my stomach. It's weird I feel the floor on the kitchen is like wet from me crying and balling and I'm thinking I'm such a sissy, I brought this all over myself and now I'm like a whining bitch when I got to pay for being a stupid liar. Then he pulls me up by my twisted arm and it hurts!! It's like its going out my shoulder for sure. I can hardly stand cos I'm so wobbly and I am dizzy too. Feels like I have a concussion or something, I can't look straight like its all fuzzy. He is pushing me forward through the hallway to the bedroom, and in the corner that hes using when he's beating me up. Cos in the corner it's easier for him to keep me standing up and I got nowhere to go, the only way is forward into his fists that keep flying at me.
So he's pushing me in the corner hard, and he starts hitting me and he's laying it in me. He's really mad. I'm not even trying to block him. For one my arms are so lame I could hardly get them up and I want to take his punishment so he won't dump me. I'm still trying to tell him I didnt mean to and I'm sorry but hes hitting too hard. My legs are so wobbly I can't really stand even if I leanin the corner and he grabs my throat with his left hand and keeps hitting me hard with his right fist, over and over and over, and in between he grabs my throat with both his hands and with his knee push my legs apart so he can ram it straight up in my balls. Once I put my hands to protect my balls but he says to fucking move them away and I dont know where really it was a reflex cos it hurt so bad so I put my arms around his neck and at least then I get it out once how sorry I am but he just racks me really hard over and over and is calling me a fucking piece of shit and not worth it and a motherfucking liar who dont learn nothing and all that. This goes on forever and I get a little hopefull while is is fucking me up good that maybe if he really goes all out on me he wont dump me maybe. Then in the end I cant stand anymore at all and he can't hold me up either, like my legs are like totally giving away. So I sink down in the corner and he keeps kicking me some more but I don't really feel it much anymore. I'm like halfway out, the room is spinning all around me and I feel like I have to throw up really bad but I cant anymore and my balls are like hurting up to my neck and my stomach feels like its been ripped into pieces and hurts bad and my guts are like mush like theive been through a blender. I'm just curled up in the corner and crying cos I'm soooo sorry. He just walks out.

And he's not coming back. I hear him do stuff in the kitchen, and then wathcing his German TV and do whatever. I don't know what to do, if I shouuld go to him or better stay out of his sight or what. And I don't really want to move so much anyway, I'm fucked up and hurting bad. And I don't know what to say to him. After a while I just crawl a little to lie on the bed. I don't even feel like taking my cloths off, its like I'm hurting too much to move enough to strip, even to take my sneaks off. Then I must have gone to sleep.

He wakes me up when hes going to bed and kicks me off it. He says I can fucking sleep on the floor and after I'm off the bed he drags me back in the corner. He's cussing at me, shithead motherfucker lying bitch and all so I know its not over yet. Then he strips and goes to bed and switch the light off and I'm just in my corner in all my cloths still and cyring a little again. Its rare he goes to bed and not get off first he must be really fucking mad at me. Theirs a little light in the room from the parking lot outside and I can see he's not asleep yet. After like 10 mins or so he says oh fuck and gets up and without saying a word just grabs my legs and pulls me so I'm straight on my back. He opens my belt and my levis and pulls them down with the underwear to like half my thighs, sits on my legs and then starts punching me in the balls. Fuck that hurts but I'm hopefull maybe if he does that he wont dump me if he gets off on me too good so I try not to make a show and bite my tongue really hard and I'm putting my hands behind my back so I wont by accident try to protect my nuts. Its hard to even move my arms up. I know I've got to be good now and just take it but it's hard, really hard. My balls are so fucking sore and he is really punching hard. My abs, my belly, my stomach its all cramping up like crazy and I'm digging my fingers so hard in my neck not to let go and not to arch up that it hurts like its gonna bleed any second. My teeth are about to crack cos I'm biting down so hard and I can feel my tears run down on the sides of my face but I'm not making any sounds, just taking it. But I'm so fucking sore and hurting I'm not getting a boner like normal. Thank heavens, cos if I got stuff he would have got real mad. He keeps punching and like really super hard, maybe 20 or 30 times, I dont know. Then he stops and jacks off and he cums all over me. In my face, on my belly and I can feel it hitting my tshirt also that got pushed up some. Then he just sits for a moment or two coming down from the high and then he takes my balls and pulls hard so I have to bend up till my face is like 3 inches from his. And in the little light in the room he looks me straight in the eye and says motherfucking LIAR!! and then he suckerpunches me in the face so my lips bleed and my teeth hurt and gets up and back into bed. And in like 2 minutes or so he's sleeping. I don't know what to do if I should get into bed or what or at least pull up my jeans.. but then I'm too worn out and hurting so bad I just keep lying their and dont move and then I'm asleep too.

I didnt hear the alarms at all or him getting up or anything, I'm like dead till he kicks me hard in the stomach and kinda yells get up your late for work in a minute. And true when I look at the clock I am. But I got to shower and borrow at least a T from him cos mine has like his cum all over it, and since its dark blue it really sticks out. So when I try to get up which isnt easy cos I'm like S-O-R-E and I try to make my way over to the bathroom to shower he says if I'm nuts or what?? And he says to get the fuck out!! I'm like puzzled and he just grabs me and runs me out, like pushing me and when I'm out the door, he pushed me more so I fall flat on my face on the concrete outside. Then he goes back in and 20 seconds later he throws my keys and my cigs out too and shuts the door. I'm heartbroken am I dumped now or what?? He's thrown me out before a couple times like this but that was only when he was in a hurry and I was messing around holding him up, not like after I got caught lying. So I get up go get my keys and my cigs and like stumble over to my truck up front. And inside it hits me what if that was getting DUMPED?? and I'm out for good?? thats when it really hits me and I sit over my steering wheel and cry like really really hard for like 10 minutes. I cant think how it could be without him, its like my life is over. But then I have to go to work, I'm already kinda in trouble with the manager cos I'm late a lot and he hates it when everyone is like 5 or 10 min late. I was wanting to go to my place first and change but then I'd be really late.

So I go to work like this, and I'm thinking its really warm today and I work with no shirt like I always do when its hot in the shop. I make it to work like 2 minutes early so at least that works and make it to the bathrooms and showers with nobody seeing me too good. I hop in the shower cos the manager was busy with something when I walked through the shop and theirs no customers yet. In the mirror I see I got some blue spots from the hitting on my ribs and my belly. Fuck. But my T has so much cum on it, and it really sticks out. I'm trying to wash it out in the sink and it works kinda but my T is totally wet. So I walk out with it off and holding it like in front of me till I get to my lift. Cody sees me and says hi and says dude ruff night huh and grins. I'm just mumbling something like yeah yeah I dont feel like yakking now.

At my lift I'm hanging up the T so it can dry and I still got a car up their from yesterday so I smear some grease over the blue spots on my ribs and belly and start working. I feel like I'm ready to cry though, what if I'm really dumped? All day the other guys leave me alone, I think they can tell I'm sad. And all day I call my bf like 20 times but I only get his box. Dunno if he's busy or if he wont take my calls. Lucky theirs a lot going on so I'm like busy all day. Even forgot about my tshirt, and at least at the end of the day I have something dry and fairly clean to wear. And I dont know what to do. I'm feeling like going home and crashing so I sleep, but I want to know whats up and if I'm dumped and how I can fix it but I dont know how to. Best I go to him if he wont take my calls all day. I'm thinking I better look hot, maybe he forgivs me easier if hes horny. But what should I wear, and if I go to my place first to change I get their late and maybe he thinks I should just run over after work. Theirs just nothing right. In the end I think its best if I put my uniform on first and then go. He loves this shit and he made me join the group, and he gets off on that POW stuff a LOT. I figure if I show up in my uniform I can show more that I do ANYTHING for him, even all that group stuff and he knows I'm not soo hot for all that anyways. So I speed to my place, change in the BDUs and boots and everything, even the camo cap, and then over to his place. His Volvo isn't there so he is not home. Fuck. I hope he's not fucking the next guy already. I call again and he doesnt answer. By now he's prolly already mad at me for calling so much. So I sit on the steps and wait but after 1 hour it feels stupid and theirs this guy walking by with his dog and looking weird at me in my uniform. Since my truck is parked in the same space as always he will see it and I go sit away a bit where people wont stare. I'm like totally nervus and I think I smoked like 2 packs. He isn't coming, and it's almost 11pm. I feel soooo miserable cos its dawning in me I'm really dumped. Maybe I'm getting too old for him anyways and maybe hes getting tired of me anyways too. Hes fucked me about like 1,000 times ball parkish, and then he catch me lying, maybe thats really it. The longer I'm sitting their waiting for him the worse I feel and I keep tearing up.

So then he finally shows up, Ive been waiting like over 4 hours. And I run over to him. He must have known I'm their cos of my truck and he had to drive right by it. But hes like all surprised and says what the fuck am I doing here and I'm like trying to say I'm so sorry and would do anything if he forgivs me but all I can do is cry and nothing comes really out. I HATE myself for crying he hates wussies and he says oh fuck cut out the tears. Then hes just looking at me and I know the uniform is working. Thank heavens I know him so good. I can see it working in him like hes debating what to do kick me in the ass and tell me to get lost forever or do something. I dont like believe in God, cos how could I, but I'm like praying oh please dont let him make me go. He keeps looking at me for like 5 minutes and not saying nothing and I know better then saying anything now so I keep my mouth shut, like I'm waiting for the verdict like jury but it feels like this is like taking FOR-EV-ER.

So then finally!!! he like sighs and puts his hand out and only says 'truck keys'. I rush and get them out of my pocket and give my keys to him and he just turns around and walks up to my truck. So I follow him and I'm thinking this is good! Thank heavens!! Maybe hes not gonna dump me after all. And I keep thinking as I walk behind him thats like the first night he picked me up at the Eagle when he just came over to me after I kept staring at him all night and just said to pull up my shirt so he could look at my abs and then said hes wanting to fuck me and its gonna hurt bad and just turned around and walked out. Anyways he gets in my truck and I hop in and hes driving down to the park we've been at a couple times at night. Its closed after sundown so theirs like nobody and he parks at the liqor store in the back next and we walk in, me like 3 steps behind, trying to keep up cos hes walking fast. Till we get to the spot we've been at before and he turns around and grabs me by the shirt and pushes me against a tree and then just starts laying it on me without saying one word. Just beating the crap out of me and I'm not fighting him. When he lets me finaly go down to the ground he keeps kicking me all over till I wont even flinch anymore and I'm like about right their where I'm about to pass out. But I'm not mad or nothing, I'm just hoping if this is like punishment hes not gonna dump me, and if he didnt beat the crap out of me I'd just be so over. Then he finally stops and he pulls my BDU pants down to my ankles. Hehehe good I didnt put on any underwear :-)

The fuck is just a quick one just so he gets off but I'm like really happy he fucks. Cos I keep thinking even if he thinks I'm a shithead fucking liar he still gets off on me and my ass. When hes done he says the keys are gonna be on the front tire and hes gonna call tomorrow. The he just walks off. I'm fucking done. It hurts a little that he just leaves me their like this, fucked up with my pants on my ankles but hes gonna call so I'm not dumped!!

I'm staying their all alone for a long while cos I'm fucking hurting like shit. Some wild cat comes by like shes all curious. Walking all the way back to his house is TUFF it takes me like 3 hours or so cos I got to stop a bunch of times. Walking with nuts hurting so bad and no underwear hurts.. a LOT! Its only like 3 miles or so but its hard. Since he left the keys he dont want me to come in so I drive home. I got maybe 2 hours left to sleep and of course I oversleep.

Fuck! So I rush to get to work but for once I get really lucky. I'm walking in thinking what I tell my manager now and Noah pulls me inside the front and says dude take these filters and say I sent you to get them cos Shane wouldnt go do it. And like 10 seconds later or less the manager walks in and says where the fuck have you been its like 9:30!!! And I just say what Noah told me and he looks at me and at Noah and says really?? and Noah says yeah, Shane wouldnt go and we got like customers and we're out so I sent Kevin. I think he knew totally their was something fishy but he let it go. I so totally owe Noah. He's a cool guy.

Field Phones again

i cant figure out how to edit a post.

I got first one of those phones, like one wire to one nut and the other wire to the other nut. That was pretty bad cos I wasnt used to how it felt and I pretty much went nuts.

the second time it was much better and I got to shoot a couple loads. But i like the pain from hits more still.

Both phones are real hell though. One wired to one nut and the other phone wired to the other nut, like with both cables each. Somehow I got to cum but then I only passed out fast. Thats like crazy. My bf loved it though.

Now Mitchell is a lot crazier. He got like a generator crank, from China, and thats just messed up. I mean you can as well hook up 110V straight and it wouldnt be worse. I dont know. I got my balls brushed once in the group with 110V after one of the hunts during POW but it was just real short and i was out like that second.

This is the thing Mitchell got, I found it in a catalog. He is just crazy and scary. Every time I got to go to his place I could piss my pants. I did once when I was their and he was in a real foul mood and I could tell. All he does normally is tie me up with legs wide open and arms up and then he pulls till my spine almost pops and then he kicks me in the balls. That all the does, just kick my balls a bunch.

Anyways thats his crank generator:




LOL ok I put those pics up cos I'm scooting around admitting I lied to my bf and thats why I didnt write in my blog so long. I'm gonna take a break and then write more. Got to get through that one.

Aftermath

so of course I knew I had to "pay" for Valentines and the great days before. That wasnt the reason though I didnt write for a while, but I got both the field telephones on my nuts for like forever till I thought my balls were fried for good and even the cum I got to shoot was like electric.

And got to be the sandbag for my bf and the punched my guts to jelly and then some.

And had to go to Mitchells, cos he build yet another new machine for his brig and wanted to try it out. I am so fucking scared of Mitchell but I have to go. This was one of the first time he told me to get all naked. Normally I stay in my uniform, or just take the shirt off but keep the BDU pants and boots on. This time he had some thing were I got bent backwards over a machines so I could almost kiss the heels of my feet and the balls were on top for him to work. He is fucking scary. I dont know why my bf let him have me to try it out it dont seem fair.

finally this is soo past due - Valentines

yeah right.. "PAST DUE" like it says on some of the mail i get .. anyways. I've been so busy now I can catch up some. Didn't write anything really since the day before Valentines. So I'm just gonna write the big stuff cos I'm not sure if I get all the days right.

So VALENTINES. I figured I was in for something thats like the total oppisite of what everyone else gets. Since the days before were so great and all, I was sure my bf would do something like real mean or hurt me or both. Like paying up for the days before. He called me at work just before it was going home time and said to go home (thats to my place) and dress a little nicer not the slob I usually am. Thats what he said, I dont look like a slob but he's always like that. Like a shirt or so at least. So I go home and put on some cotton pants and a shirt and then he's about their to pick me up. I'm kinda like real curious but I dont fall for it so easy. He does that a lot that he makes me think one thing and then does like totally the other. I figured he was just trying to make me think we're gonna do something nice I have to dress up for and then he beats the crap out of me in some ditch so all my nice cloths get dirty or messed up. But nothing like that. We're going to some real nice restaurant and hes got a reservation for us but first we go to the bar and he orders like Vodka Martinis. He told them to hold the table we were gonna go hang out at the bar first. I thought that was kinda bold cos the place was fucking FULL. Like everybody was going on Valentines. We had like 2 vodka martinis and then he told the hostess chick we're ready and our table was! I was kinda pretty sure now we had to wait but they kept the table open the entire time. I was just thinking what the fuck?? anyways. So we get this real cute waiter, he looked more like he was just 18. He rattles down like all the specials they got for Valentines, and then he says they also got a special for two like a love special cos its Valentines. Like if we were their for that. So my bf says if we look like some fags to him and at first the guy almost faints, like hes so embarrassed but then my bf is laughing and tells him its ok he makes weird jokes sometimes and he orders the "love special". Its like 3 corse with a bottl e of wine and noodles with chicken and some stuff to pick from like a small bufet cos maybe not both like the same stuff. And fucking expensive!! $65 for 2 without the wine. The waiter dude looks totally releeved like he got out of that one. But hes still like totally red in the face, I guess he didnt know how to take that one and hes like SUPER paying attention till we're gone later. My bf is like in a real good mood and hes talking and making jokes and its like really cool.. only I cant help it, it feels to me like this is just upping it and later I get sooo FUCKED UP. This can't be as good as it is looking, theirs got to be something to it. So the dude brings the appetizers and we're like on our 3rd glass of wine, cos their like really busy. Between taking our order and bringing the appetizers he came by like 10 times at Least!! to check on us. My bf has him bring a new bottle, I figured now we're def already over $100. We were anyways with the drinks before. He never spends like this, and its like my stomach is cramping up some cos I'd rather gone like to chinese takeout and maybe have a sweet night and not go out all fancy and get seriously fucked up later, an on valentines. I was feeling all depressed all day anyways. I mean I love my bf and I dig the stuff we do, even if its sometimes a little crazy, but like on a day like Valentines, cant we be a little nice at least and do what all other boyfriends and girlfriends like for the straights do? This feels like it is going to have a real terrible ending. At least for me. But hey.. if thats what he wants, so be it and I make the best of it. I try to kinda check him out and get a read on him but he's not tipping me off AT ALL. He's just in a real good mood, being funny, talking about work and s-u-p-e-r patient when I'm trying to say stuff and cos I'm so nervous I'm studdering even more then normal. I kind of wish the floor would open up and I'd fall in it and it would be all over.

Anyways, he's in noo hurry and enjoying it. With all the wine and the 2 drinks before I'm getting buzzed. It was kinda hard for me to eat some of the appetizers cos my throat is like clogged and I'm not hungry a lot. But with a good buzz going on I'm kind of relaxing and I'm like kinda glad he's getting buzzed some too. Then we get the main entre and I'm like on my 5th glass and he on his 4th, adn the waiter is a little chill now and he and my bf make jokes about if we like our love meal and that shit and it's like really starting to be fun, and I'm not thinking to much about what it all means maybe. I think the waiter is starting to like us, and he's not bringing like the next corse before we finish, like as if the place was empty and they didnt care how long we sit their. When its in fact like totally crowded and kind of loud. Thats nice. I'm like happy my bf has some pull or gets some respect or whatever and we get to have our sweet ass time. So in the middle of the entres (theirs a big heart on the noddles with tomato sauce and the chicken is like on the side and looking like little hearts too) this guy comes up to our table and its like someone my bf knows and theirs like a big hello with them. I've never seen the guy and my bf like introduce us. He is Justin, good looking guy with muscles and maybe 35 ish or so. My bf says I'm Kevin but nothing more really and the guy shakes my hand. He's sitting with us for a bit and the waiter shows up like in 10 seconds after he sits down and brings like a wine glass for him in like 30 seconds more. I really wonder whats going on cos waiters are never like bending over like this. anyways. That kills the 2nd bottle and my bf gets the next. I got a serious buzz going already. So Justin is like all real nice and asks me what I do and maybe its the booze or what but I even get it out fairly straight! So then he asks my bf how come hes never seen me around and that I'm cute, and he is laughiung and says "cute? hes a hot fuck" and they both laugh and Justin wants to know how long weve known each other and he says 2 years about. I totally get it that Justin must know him better cos everyone else would of have said how long we've been together but he said how long known. At first I'm not sure if I should be a little annoyed that I'm just like a hot fuck and not like boyfriend or cool guy or friend or whatever, or if its just his way to say something nice. But I guess cos of all the booze I forget about it fast. And then Justin takes off anyways after hes done with his wine.

Before dessert my bf says we better let this go down first and he orders a double JD for both of us. I'm like beyond a buzz and cloe to be drunk. I dont drink much so it kicks real good. And he says we better not drive and we make the best of it. And then dessert and afterwards we have another double JD and coffee with foam on top. When we're done and with a fat tip for the waiter hes out over 400. Damn!! I know I should get really scared but I'm way to smashed to worry. Outside we catch a cab and drive to my place. He says we stay at my little eficiency and in the morning I'm gonna drive him back to his car before work. As I'm unlocking the door he puts his hand on my neck and it comes all back to me and I expect him to kick me in the back or something and starting to fuck me up - but nothing happens. He says if I got anything to drink before we go crash and all I got is some vodka but nothing to mix it with. So we drink it straight up and sit on the bed cos I dont have a sofa or anything and he lights up 2 cigs, one for him and one for me. And then after a little while he says if I'm wondering if he is gonna fuck me up now, like he can read my mind. I'm not so sure what I should say but I kinda nod cos thats exactly whats on my mind. And he laughs and says dude relax, your getting it but not tonite. And that its fucking Valentines and for once he's gonna do me right. And then he says thats my boy with a big smile and its true I am, cos im kinda releved.

So we're just sitting on the bed sipping on the vodka and smoking and he pulls me over so my head is in his crotch and looks down to me and puts his hand on my stomach and grins. And then it like dawns on me. he is like really gonna be nice. Looking up in his eyes like this and his hand on my stomach feels so good and I get a boner like I am sooooo fucking horny like from 1-60 in 5 secs ;-) He grins and says strip, like real casual and soft. So I get up and strip totally naked and fast and he does too and then he just like tips me in the back and I let myself fall flat on the bed on my stomach. I hear him rip the cover of the rubber and that nasty sound as it flips in his dick and then he's over me and says to put my ass up and then he RAMS it in. No lube and all the way. If he didnt let him fall himself on top of me I would have jumped right off his dick, squealing. I'm a little pissed at myself for squealing but fuck! And he is going, just the way I like it, hard, like he is trying to push his dick all the way up to my brain, or throat fuck me from my ass (thats how I like to imagine it what he's trying always). And he's not hitting me not squeezing my balls to hell, nothing. Only when he puts his hands on my shoulders I flinch for a second but thats all he does so he can put harder and hold me by my shoulders. This is fucking great!!!! I shoot like a huge load after like 10 mins or so and he keeps going. Like 20 mins or so and we slide off the bed some and I', like on my knees and flat over the bed on the side with my head buring in the covers. Then he cums and he cums GOOD. He even stays in my ass for a bit and I can feel him shake and he's massaging my shoulders and my back. This is soooo (!!!) fucking great. Then I feel him go soft a little and he pulls out and gets up to put the rubber away and pour more vodka and light up more cigs. I know this is like a real little thing, but I LOVE it when he lights up cigs for us both and puts it between my lips. I think that is sooo fucking hot. Like what boyfriends do, even if he doesnt mean it and maybe just thinks its cool or what. I could die for those moments.

So we're just on the bed smoking and drinking and he has his hand in my neck kinda massaging it and he is getting a boner again. I do down some and suck his dick and lick his balls and all and he is like rock hard and playing with my neck and the hair on the back of my head, like totally vanilla. Then he pulls me up and says maybe he should write my name again on my arm like before because tonite hes gonna fuck my brains out. And pushes me over and I cant wait for him to get the damn rubber on. Thats when I hate that I'm poz, it would be soo omuch nicer if he didnt have to put those stupid things on. And then it's like a marathon fuck, and hes saying I'm cumming first but of course I cant after I just blew like a huge load but he dont care and keeps fucking. Working my balls too, some, so I tell him even if he wants to be all nice go for my nutz and he does. He has to put his hand over my mouth some because in my little place the walls are like real thin. Its like over an hour and then I pump a huge load out again, and cos he jerks me up when im cumming its all over both pillows and like a big mess all over the bed, and he keeps pumping even harder and then he cums too. He lets me just plop down and then flips me over so I am on my back and he pulls off the rubber and says open up and lets it all run down in my mouth. Like, what all got in my mouth, half is like all over my face. I'm trying to get it with my fingers to lick them and he is like breathing real heavy and sitting on my knees. He only slides over a bit to get the cigs and the lighter and lights up 2 more for us. He says damn this is a mess and it is. Under me I can feel the cum thats still wet from me, and his is all over my face and we're both like sweaty. He says I guess you have to wash the bed anyways and ashes on my belly. Lol so I do too, and it stays cos of the sweat and he starts writing something with it, like ash and sweat. Feels great. I lie flat on my back so i cant read it and try to feel what he is writing but i cant make it out. So I ask him and he says its "bitch" and he needs more ash. This is fucking hot and feels great and even tho I'm like empty, I dont have a drop of cum left in me, I get a boner again. He's done writing bitch on my stomach and starts playing with my nuts. He isnt hitting them or anything, just playing, rolling them around, flicking them some, light slaps just that kind and my boner is fucking throbbing. And he reaches over and gets another rubber but just puts it on my chest and keeps playing with my balls, alittle rougher but not much and slapping my dick a little. I couldnt get any harder then this and put my hands behind my neck cos I know how much he likes how that makes my stomach stretch up. He gets off my knees and I pull my legs up some and open up wide and he sits between my legs, like on his knees and keeps slapping my balls and playing with them. I'm just lying their with my eyes closed and wondering if my dick is gonna burst cos this is so great. Then he leans forward and plays with my nipples but HARD so I yelp and bend up and he is right over me and my arms just fly around and its like I am hugging him. And his face is like 3 inches from mine and he stares me in the eyes. Its like whos gonna flinch first and look away, sort of. I'm holding on to him and he grabs my legs and pulls them up and I am holding. He goes up a little and pulls me up. He is now on his knees and I am almost only on my shoulders and neck and he lets his hands slide up to my ankles and holding my legs. And as he pulls me upI feel his boner right on my balls. The rubber from my chest was sliding off next to my face as he pulls me higher and then I lock my legs behind him and let go with my hands. He is holding for a second and feels me up on my stomach, sort of wiping the 'bitch' off. But it feels fucking great, I sort of came again but I didnt have no cum left just maybe a drop or so. He grabs the rubber and puts it between my teeth to so hold the corner and he rips it open. And puts it on. Since I sort of came I got sift a little but he is rock hard i can feel it between my legs and on my balls. I am like hanging down from his neck by my legs and he is up on his knees so I only lay on my neck and a little on my shoulders. Then he grabs my legs, like at the thighs and tight, and spreds them and shoves it in, and then he bends down but doesnt let go of my thighs so hes almost breaking my back as he starts pumping hard. But since I'm hanging so weird from him its like his dick is drilling right into my prostate and I'm about to go crazy!!! And I know he knows, I bet he can tell cos I'm wailing like a horny whore. But its like he is trying to break my neck and I'm trying to paddle back with my arms so my spine wont break but its more like flopping around with my arms for no good reason. I'm trying to reach the headboard to pull myself up but i cant reach it. He is hitting my prostate hard like hes trying to drill ahole in it and its almost too much. I'm jerkng left and right to get his dick away but I can only move my upper body he got my thighs so tight I cant move my ass around. Its not that it like really hurts its just like my ass is about to explode and my prostate and I'm wanting to cum but I'm so fucking empty! And hes going like he hasnt fucked in a week and its not the 3rd time in a row!! I'm seriously going crazy I can't take it anymore and I'm begging him to go easy but of course he isnt, he just pulls me a little tighter even and fucks harder. My ass feels like its in fever and I can feel my prostate like its growing and growing and about to blow up. I dont feel the pain in my back so much anymore like its gone numb or something and I am going seriously NUTS. Like flashes and my ears pop and I hear myself howl but I dont feel it and I see my dick get hard but I dont feel that also. Its like hes fucking into my prostate and with every push its about to give in more and more till it blows up. Its too much and i feel tears running down my face and I beg and beg him but I dont think is more then weird mumbles that come out of my mouth and I start seeing black clouds with stars and then its like my ass blows up and its like this brightness all around me. I'm CUMMMMING and even though it should have been like dry cum organism, i feel it shoot in my face like he squeezed it out of me somehow their shouldnt have been any. I think I screamed really loud too and then I'm like totally no power and he lets go of my legs and I'm just like hanging all limp from him and he cums too.

then he gets up and I just flop down and cant move. My heart is like racing and I'm wet from sweat and cum and the bed is wet under me from sweat too. My head is spinning and I cant move and I dont want to. I hear him go taking a piss and he smokes one more and I'm about to fall asleep. More like starting to pass out. I'm thinking damn when he says hes going to fuck my brains out he really does it. I'm wasted!!! But I feel fucking great, only its like I got pushed way far, like I'm really going crazy. Or at least sex crazy. It feels weird lying their with my legs spread far, my cum running down from my ribs on one side and I'm too tired to even wipe it. My arms on the side and I dont even want to move them one inch, like I have zero power left in me. And my back hurts like FUCK. I feel him get into the bed but I'm almost out and pull the covers over and flipping me some so we're like spooing and he puts his arm around me and he KISSES ME IN MY NECK!!! I'm in fucking heaven but only maybe 1 minute cos then I'm gone!

I think he may have humped me in the night but I'm not sure. When he wakes me up its day and i have a HUGE hangover. My head hurts real bad. He is still behind me spooning me and talking in my ear but it's like on a radio when the station isnt tuned in right, I hear him talking but its not getting in my brain. He's holding me tight and then its get to me he is saying its getting late we got to go but he isnt moving only his boner is poking in my back. I am thinking you cant be seriously fuck me again now .. and then I'm thinking I'm stupid of course he can and would but he isnt. He gets up but hes only coming around the bed and grabs me by my arm and pulls me out of the bed and then up so I'm on my knees and staring at his boner and he says to open up and wants me to suck. But I'm not too awake yet and sore and have a hangover so I cant get into it too good and suck lousy, I know. I'm trying but my mouth is so dry. He is horny though and he locks his hands behind my neck and throat fucks me, like with no mercy deep down. Since I'm so weak I have serious trouble getting air and he does it on purpose like push in and keep it in and then only pull back a little and real short so I can only get like a little bit of air. Its real fast I get in like real panic and try to push him away but theirs no chance he has his hands locked behind my head and wont let go and I get to buck and suck air like desperite when he pulls out a little. Its like his dick gets bigger in my throat every time he is pushing. With me hangover I'm getting a little dizzy with so little air and I grab his ass for like support and its like his muscles are hard as steel then he lets me get like one deep suck of air but he pushs back in before I can breath out, and then he lets me breath out but not get more air. And then he cums and as he cums he pulls out a little and I try to get air and all his cum gets in my lungs, like I'm even sucking it in! Then he pulls out and lets go of me and the rest of his cum goes all over me and I'm like coughing like CRAZY. I got most of his cum all in my lungs and it hurts and I am coughing and spitting and trying to get air all at the same time. Its taking me at least 10 mins till I am halfway back to normal, curled up on the floor, and he is already out of the shower and says to hurry up, its late.

I slouch in the shower like an old man, I'm so sore and still have to cough and spit some. I am worn out and I have a real bad hangover but after a HOTTTT shower I feel a lot better and good. I keep thinking I'm lucky he knows exactly how to treat me right and what I need. I got like one of those moments as I got in my clothes, like when you know its what you need if its fun or not sometimes. And I know its what I need, his fucks are like worse then the biggest drugs, like addictive. Only with drugs its like your always chasing the big one and it never comes, with him its like you get it only you have to have it over and over again. And I know cos I used to be a junkie real bad. With drugs its like your never satisfied and try over again and you know its still never really gonna happen but you cant stop anyways. With him its like OH MY GOD you get off like crazy and you want it all the time and more, and it dont matter at what cost. Anyway sometimes I get these flashes where I know myself.

So we rush out finally and he makes me stop at a Starbucks first. I'm like real antsy because I'm already late for work. He has like all the time in the world to chat up the chick behind the counter and then wait till some dickhead is finally ready putting his sugar and cream in so he can put his half and half in, and I just want to gogogogo cos I'm so late. Next to the milk and sugar counter is this geek, like about my age with a belly, like fat, and has his laptop on and is talking on the phone. Not just phone cos its like one of those hearing aid blutoth things and hes not just talking but yelling about programming something in flash like being all important and smart. Asshole. We're standing right next to him and hes yelling and it hurts in my head cos of the hangover. My bf is grinning from ear to ear and when we walk out he says if I heard that idiot and him talking about flash and he says that motherfucker has no clue that without the guy standing next to him therir wouldnt be no flash to program. I would have told the idiot but he is like that he would never like show off.

Anyways so I drop him off at his Volvo at the restaurant and the head off to work, and finish 2 bottles of water that i keep in the truck for my hangover. At work I'm running over to my boss to tell him I'm sorry for being late, but hes busy and doesnt want to listen to my studdering and just says its ok dont worry get going. Later i find out Shane been an ass and I missed it (thank hevens) and thats why he didnt care if i was late.

So that was Valentines.

Redneck boys with pants down (youtube)

hehe i like this one - shotgun to the balls!!! thats gotta hurt good

THURSDAY!!!

Thursday started really good. I was late 5 minutes for work but as I got in, the manager was ripping Shane a second one, and like so everyone saw it. I missed the first part but I guess he pissed off some customer and the customer came back at opening and fucked with the manager and now Shane got it. Serves him right. At least till noon Shane is gonna steam by himself and someone's gonna get it later on when he blows.

Then his one lady comes and she always wants me to work on her car so thats all good and she always tips me like $20 when my manager isnt looking. I can't figure her out but whatever, nobody else ever gives me a 20 just like that.

At lunch I dont even go eat, just lie on my truck and when my bf calls like I thought he would, I tell him I didnt even go to lunch and he says good and see you later and hangs up. So I'm good to go after work tonight, and if hes planning something, I am sooo gonna get fucked, only theirs prolly a high price I got to pay. but hey, whatever. SO I'm like in a really good mood for the rest of the day, and even when Shane finally cracked and vented off, didnt get to me at all. He was about to go after the new guy but just then the manager walked in the back and he kicked the wall instead and really hurt himself. He can be a real ass but also real stupid sometimes.

So after work I shower real good and get clean in and out and lose no time to go to my bf's house. He's already home so I dont have to wait for him, and I can tell he's so def horny :-) At home he always just wears sweat pants or his adidas trainers and never a shirt unless its like really cold and I can see his boner going already. So I already know he's got something planned out, nothing much that can go wrong now. Finally ... I havent got a fuck Monday, Tuesday, AND Wednesday.

But he's all nice, he isnt just jumping me and beating the crap out of me or anything. Hes giving me a bottle of water and says to drink it and we go smoke a little on the patio and hes just asking how my day was and all. I'm getting a little suspicius, what the heck is he up to now? Thats the hot thing about him, hes tuff and always up to no good but like even after almost 2 years I can never tell with him whats gonna happen next. Hes like always toying with me. God, when we're just standing around like this and I look at him, I get weak knees. He has like so no idea how much I am in love with him and how much I crave him using me and doing whatever that gets him off. And he always likes plays it cool like I'm just some shithead fucker he is using when hes like feeling like it, or be nice to when hes in the mood, or beat the fuck up if hes in a real crappy mood. But like if I was gone it wouldn't matter for him. Always breaks my heart even tho I know its not like that and he's just doing his attitude thing but it still hurts like fuck. And that hurt is a lot lot worse then the worst pain he makes me suffer thru beating me up and punching my balls or whatever.

Anyway so we just hang out in the patio and I finally finish the water and he goes back in and I after him, and he heads back to the bedroom and like asks me if I need to go piss or anything. I do just in case. Hes already waiting for me when I get to the bedroom and has this grin but his eyes are like cold. Ice cold. I'm looking around a little but like so it doesn't look like I'm looking around to see if hes got anything out and I def have the feeling I'm gonna get hurt, and BAD. Then he says hey I'm in a really kinky mood and I want to try something and he makes it sound like hes telling me I have a way out. That makes me like really nauseus, cos I know this is not a good sign. And when he says it like that its like hes having like a little of a bad consciense but he knows and I knows theirs no way I can back out anyways and I don't want to anyways cos I know hes not gonna like it if he doesnt get to do whatever he's got planned. But when hes like that I get the chills and scared. Every time he gets like one of his really sadistic streaks, it gets me the best fucks in the end, ever, but its like I got to pay such a high price its always like I ask myself if its worth it. So I stand their like a dumbass and I'm scared about what the price is gonna be this time but he is set to go and doesnt want to mess around so he tells me to strip. I do, and not like normal when I rip my shit off when he tells me to get naked, I got like the butterflies going in my stomach and my guts all cramped up and its like my balls already start hurting a little, like they know also whats coming to them. And when I'm all naked and stand up, he looks down at my dick and grins some more, cos its like my dick knows this is not gonna be fun for a long time and is not wanting to be a boner. And he tips me a little so I lie down on the bed and I do, on my back and spread my legs. I figure he's going to want me to spread them to take a bunch of ball punchs like he loves it most. But he isnt and takes his sweet ass time to tie me up, arms and legs spred to the corners and real tight so I cant move much. Now I know this is going to be really bad, cos he rarely takes time like this, even tho I really like to get tied up, for him its mostly like too much trouble, maybe cuffs cos their quick and easy. So then he's got me all tied up and looks at me and I get a little panicky but of course I try not to show it and try to work up a boner but no chance. I know him too good, this is gonna be bad, and not in a fun way bad. I just wonder what he is up to, punching my balls even the crazy times, for that he wouldn't tie me up like this, just cuff my hands to the chain and padlock around my neck or so, so I cant try to protect my balls when I break down. This is gonna be different, and for sure not easier.

And then he gets some duct tape and first puts a strip over my mouth and then wraps 2 layers over it and around my head. I'm getting really shitscared now cos this is like rare. I think its only been 2 times in almost 2 years hes done that, so he's thinking I'm gonna try to scream the place down. Oh-oh. OK now I know I am FUCKED and its like its coming over me that he is going to really really hurt me bad and its also coming over me it means I get my brains fucked out, and FOR SURE!! This crazy stuff always turns him on like nothing else and when hes turned on like nothing else he isnt fucking, he's raping. Theirs two GOOD ways he fucks: when hes turned on like crazy, and when hes wanting it to be good for me, and then he fucks like GOD. I got fucked by a lot of guys in my life but nobody fucks like him when hes wanting it to be good. I kind of live for those fucks, and the ones in between are like the buildup to the next. But for both ways I have to pay for it, and a lot. Hes either gonna hurt me really bad or hes having a real bad consciense to make up for when hes thinking he was like really to mean to me.

So I know I'm sooo FUCKED and I know I'm gonna get one of his God fucks later for it, and so even tho I'm scared shitless, I spring a boner like bang! I know its kind of weird I get so scared, cos I get off on pain and all, but even tho I dig the pain and the way it feels, I'm not like some superhero and it fucking hurts, a lot. And he knows really mean ways to make it hurt, and he never stops cos he gets off on it the more it really gets to me.

Hes got me all tied up and ducttaped and looks me over and grins and then he makes a fist and shows it to me and slams it just once in my balls. Stings, hard, but one I can take and not make a wimp. And then he goes and gets those 2 old german army field telephones from like 1962 he got shipped like 2 weeks ago. I was wondering why he got those, I figured make for some stuff in the group next time we're out for some field trip or something. I didnt really think much about it but it kinda dawns on me now what their for. He puts wires on the 2 poles of one of them and the other end is like blank with no insulation and he is wrapping each end around one of my nuts and then puts more duct tape around each ball, like if for insulation so the 2 wires wont touch. Then he just grins again and says here's like a bit of training on field phones. They work just by picking up the receiver, cos they have batteries in them. And he picks up the receiver of the one hes hooked up to my balls, and I jump like 10 inches up with my ass: theirs a lot of juice in that thing!!! Wow that was a jolt, and it cuts my breath for a second. Its kind of hard to breath thru the nose anyways, cos my mouth is taped shut like really good. The he says but if you just lift the receiver, the other end doesnt know someones on the line so you got to ring them, and he lifts the phone some so I can see better and theirs this handle on the side to fold out, and he says one just needs to crank it and it makes the other phone ring.

And so he cranks it a little and I go totally BESERK!!! I'be had tons of electro on my nuts, hes even used a stungun on my balls before but this is nothing like it. Its like they turn cold metal and get in a grinder and the balls shoot out flash pain that I can feel in my fingers and it makes my mouth taste like metal, like when you hold a battery to your tong. I cant believe he's gonna use this stuff on me, and he hasnt even started really.

So he is getting started to work that crank and since I can see the clock on the side of the bed, its only been like 10 mins after he got going to when he stops for now. It feels like its been an hour and im wet with sweat, almost chewd through the ducttape, crying and in my mind begging him to no go again, I mean he must be really horny by now.. but I know him a lot better then that he would never let me get off this easy. And of course he didnt. THIS is the kind of stuff that gets him really off and he sometimes says I should he glad he isnt in that mood like every other day.

After like over 3 more hours I guess his arm got lame from the cranking, cos he pulled the wires out of that thing. Not that I cared about nothing anymore I was out of my fucking mind. This bad I haven't hurt in a loooong time, I'm a fucking mess and like way beyond anything where them endorphens could do anything for me. Absolutely everything is hurting in my body, my balls the worst of course and everything their attached to, but all my muscles and stuff too from the jerking around like crazy and flopping from the pain. The last 2 hours Ive only been wishing to pass out so it was over but he'd always go a little slower like he could tell when I was close to goin out. I'm like worn and a mess, if he'd stomped my balls I bet I wouldnt even have flinched anymore, their was like no power left in me for whatever. I heard this pinging noise in my ears, like sonar and like in sync with the pain in a pulse from my balls. And I wanted to cry or wail just cos it would feel like letting some of the pain out somehow but I just couldnt, I couldnt like even move. God he knows how to fuck me over really good. So then he untied me and ripped the tape off but I lie their like the same cos I couldnt even move and he sits on my belly and slaps me in the face so I pay attention, And he says good little motherfucker you still have half a boner going and grins. I couldnt even feel my dick and I couldnt think I would have anything but only a shriveld dick. And he slides up some till hes sitting on my chest, and I dont even have the power to breth against him, he is like pressing my chest down. And I stare right at his dick in front of my face. I know his dick in and out and I can tell when he is hard and when he is REALLY hard. Now it is really hard and I still think even then it is so fucking hot that even tho he is so hard and turned on his skin still goes over the head (cos hes uncut). So now I'm getting what I had to earn so fucking hard, and I hope I'm not gonna pass out. I know this sounds like real stupid, first I want to pass out and then I don't. I guess I cant make up my mind.

He wants me to turn over cos he likes it doggy the most and he said once he likes it cos its more humiliating for the guys thats getting fucked. It's hot but I like to see him when he fucks me but of course I could never tell him that plus it's not so much his thing. I can't move really, I tried to get up but I couldnt even get my shoulder off higher then maybe an inch and flop back down. But hes now more then good and ready to get off so he dont bother much and just lifts me up. Sucks he's got to take the sec to put the rubber on. This is when I hate it so much that Ive been such a slut and a junkie and got poz. I WISH he didnt have to wear the rubbers and do me for real but of course thats over for my life. Anyway he rams it in and hits me with another knuckle punch in the balls that make me arch up to him even tho a second ago I couldnt even get my shoulder off the futon. I think it wasnt even 2 minutes or so till my boner was bang on and I was riding into fuck heaven again. He's like so awesome when he wants. He kept hitting me in the nuts hard when he was thinking I felt too good but that couldnt stop me anymore. Its what I had to suffer for so bad for so long all evening and after I get so FUCKED UP I want my brains fucked out to no end. This is better then any trip Ive ever been on, and its like after i got hurt so much and he rams his dick in, its like he's flipping my switch inside to "on" and get like a HUGE dose of the endorphens and whatever else. This time was weird cos I was so worn out and exhausted I couldnt even like groan or anything, it was like I was a puppet getting stuck on a stick and shake, and I was like in an ocean and go under all the time till he hit me hard in the balls again and I got to the surface again, and then go under again and so on. But going under felt like really really good. The last thing I remember was I came like crazy and the first shot made like a splash on the wall behind my head.

I woke up and it was still dark and I wanted to look at the clock to see how late it was. Ok this is Friday morning and not really part of the Thursday blog but still, kind of belongs here. You have no idea how hard it was to turn my head and look, I had like NO energy, nothing, and no power. It was just 3:55 am and my bf was sleeping tight. I was like checking all my parts but pretty much everything just hurt and I couldnt move much and didnt really want to anyway. Just closed my eyes and was gone.

Ok the rest goes in the Friday blog, but I got to take a break and smoke and check what my bf is up to. He's been hacking like crazy on 2 of his computers, the ones I'm not allowed to touch. He's got like all these monitors set up around himself when hes working at home, looks like Startrek a little. How can you look at 2 monitors at the same time, or even 6? Anyways, I'll type up the Friday blog next and then I'm up to speed again

Catching up on Wednesday

Ok. So i didnt get to write something all week so I'm catching up. Wow its like this all just comes out I wish I could talk like this. Yeah well. I'm wondering tho if he ever reads this im gonna be in a world of trouble or he lets me slide. I'm real curious what he thinks but also way scared to tell him. Some day he is gonna find out tho. But its also like I cant stop. And maybe a little so I leave something when I die from the aids when I get it. With the HIV its like I have a noose around my neck and I can drop any second and its over. Most days I dont think about it just every time in the days before I have to go to a checkup again its coming back and like hard. But that was today, on Friday, and I'm still writing for Wednesday.

So Wednesday morning I wake up cos I get cold and when I open my eyes its cos he pulled the blanket away and when I open my eyes he hits me in the balls, like with a total nasty suckerpunch. He LOVES it when he gets me cold like when I'm not thinking he would and I know him so most times I watch out like fuck. Gets me good and I curl up and hold my balls and try not to be so wimpy but then I think it turns him on so finally I get fucked. But nooooo he just gets up and grins and goes to set coffee. Fuck. Then he comes back and holds my T from last night and says seems like today I HAVE to wear one of his and hes ok with it. And tells me to get up and dressed and to get lost. Hes like so cold some days. I'm at work like 1 hour early and in a really crappy mood. The manager is late so everyones their waiting and Shane tries to chat me up some but I'm in no fucking mood and get snappy with him. He's getting ticked off some but then just before I get on his shit list for the day the new guy shows up, like just before the manager and Shane gets all set to make his day miserable and I'm scott-free. Isnt helping my mood tho, and its good I work by myself or someone gets the brunt of my crap. But theirs a lot of customers today so I got busy and the day goes by fast. Shane is on the new guy all day, if he keeps it up to the rest of the week the guy is gonna quit. After lunch it almost looked like he was gonna cry. What a wimp. Just takes the next guy to get on Shane's shit list and he wont have nothing to worry about. Shane can be a total ass tho.

At lunch I go early and by myself. Im feeling crappy and unhappy but i'm hungry and wednesdays they have a special for spagetti. Just $2.99 and its reall not bad or anything. I'm almost done, like just dipping the soce with the bread and my bf calls and says hey dont eat anything today. I know why, hes in the mood to go a little crazy tonight and doesnt want me to throw up. He doesnt even have to say it. I'm thinking should I say I already had the spagetti or should I say ok and just go and make myself throw up right now but then lying is the worst with him and before I can try saying anything theirs this call for number whatever and he knows where I'm at and just says too late huh? So he says we do it tomorrow and thats hes got something to do anyways and hangs up. FUCK. I never do anything right. Now he doesnt even want me to come over tonight. Totally wasnt helping with my mood, I was PISSED OFF at myself. And everyone else. Lucky I dont have much to do with the customers, and I'm just doing my shit and slamming stuff around and just before quitting time I hurt my arm on one of the lift just being mad and stupid. Helped me calm down some tho.

So after work I got my laundry and went to the coin wash place. Only people that dont speak english, only 1 other white guy their and lots of fat womens and little kids but I got to grind it out. I'm like super ticked off but after I got all my stuff done and I'm out of the place I got that behind me at least and I feel better. I was going to go eat something but I feel guilty about eating lunch before my normal lunch time when he called and its like I can punish myself by not eating anything. I was tired anyways so after getting home I went right to sleep. And glad another stupid fucking day without him is over.

Week Update, this is like for Tuesday

Now its Friday again and I havent written anything all week since Monday. Didnt have no time. Tuesday was like slow and the manager was like griping at everybody cos he didnt get no money in. He was in a shitty mood all day so every one else got kinda pissy too. Shane got in a pissing thing with the new guy and later when the manager was gone for a bit to bitch at someone else Shane punched the guy up some and later tripped him so he fell flat on some grease puddle. Sucks for him to be on Shane's shit list. I dont even know what it was all about. Shanes really not a bad guy but he can be a fucking ass if hes in his sicko mode. Better to watch out and stay away from him. I didnt have much to do all day anyway so I was like thinking what to do after work. If I should just go over to my bf's house or call him or if he maybe calls me or whatever. He didnt call tho and after work I showered real good and clean and went over. He wasnt their and I waited like almost an hour till he showed up. He was OK tho, I think he likes it when I just sit and sit their outside and wait for him, like whenever he comes even if its like really late. He was saying I didnt show up yesterday so if I was thinking today wouldnt be hurting less or what? I dunno what to say anyways so I didn't but I think he wasnt really wanting an anser. So I was figuring ok I get what I missed yesterday and he was gonna make it really painful but that was totally ok with me I had a boner anyways the moment I saw him. He looks so fucking hot in his jeans. I have to ask him for a picture sometime just of the legs how they stack. Looks better on him, on me it never works so good.

But he wasnt just gonna do me like that and plus he got some food, but just for himself, I guess he didnt think I would show or what, cos I didnt call. He gets a lot of chinese food and always with the chopstick i dont like but this time he fed me, like one for him and one for me kinda. I totally like it when hes nice like that. Except for I was so fucking horny, I'd rather had him do something else. Yeah well. So when the food was gone he said he needs a little nappy, long day and all but at least he lets me lie next to him. Of course I strip first and I have a boner like THAT but he's like ignoring it till I'm next to him. He grabs my balls like he always does but more like he holds then and nothing else, and hes like really going to nap. After like 5 minutes or so he says if my boner isnt going down and I wont let him sleep hes gonna make it go away. Like that's helping, my boner only got even stiffer, cos I know whats coming. Since he lying behind me like always, like we're both sideways, he lets go of my balls and gets them again only this time from behind between my legs and puts his other arms around my neck and starts pulling tight so I cant get no air. And then he's like working my balls, squeeze like hes wanting them to go mush and pulling like hes trying to rip them off. Hes doing it like always, like a machine that has like zero feelings and no mercy. I hate it when hes like that and I LOVE it cos hes is doing it like he doesnt care how I feel, only what he likes. He knows me waaay too good whats going on inside me and whats good for me. I can't even scream, I cant even get air. It HURTS, all i can do is like flop around and jerk like crazy, half next to him and half on top. Feeling the cho mein come up, cos my balls feel like their nit to my guts inside and making my stomach go in a spin. Like always he isnt stopping til I am almost out from no air and so much pain and I'm waiting for the endorphens to kick in but its not really coming. Then he quits for like a couple seconds and lets me get some air and im like coughing and crying and cent even see the light on the desk across the room good, cos of all the tears. He lets go of my balls and feels for my boner and I still got it going, hehe. Hes saying in my ear you little horny fucker but its not like hes mad I know he likes it I get off on serious nut pain and hes like just pretending like hes mad I didnt go limp. Hes still got me around my neck and I'm stil trying to get air so my mouth is wide open and he puts 2 fingers in like hes getting some spit for lube but my mouth is like all dry. So he turns me over some so I'm like half under him, and spits in his hand and rolls back and puts it like on my dick head and just plays some. And he jacks me, nut just like 2 or 3 times a little. This is def not working to make my boner go away. I can feel his in my back. I'm game for whatever only with him I neve rknow whats next. He could just be jacking me off, or put me in pain HELL just for kicks or he could choke me out all the way and be fucking my ass when I come around.. I cant just ever know. Only hes got a boner so whatever it is I'm gonna get off. And he will too, cos he wont just get worked up and not get off. I just want it to be really good for him. So he lets his hand just slide down and grabs my balls again and when hes got them tight so I try to inhale like deep and go all tense, he says like 'fine then, jerk off and maybe I can finally get my nap and I'm not stopping till you cum, so get it over with' and turns back so I'm lying on top of him, and he pulls my head back and chokes me again so my head is like next to his, totally bent back. I know he does that so when I jerk around from the pain I'm not banging my head into his. And he's letting my balls have it, a lot worse then before, like hes really for real trying to mush them or rip them off or both, like whatever comes first. Just for panic my left hand is gripping his left wrist but its not like I can make him let go of my balls or nothing but something I can hold onto, plus its hot to feel his muscles that control my balls. With my right hand I'm jerking like crazy but its hard cos with my nutsack and balls hes pulling all the skin down. I want to cum and fast before one of my balls pops or ripps. Its not working just hurting crazy, till I get over the hump where the endorphens finally kick in and I dont fucking care what happens and just dont want him to stop and just FUCK ME UP!!! But like most times its not taking long after getting over the hump and I shoot a big load all over me and some gets on him, cos I can feel him spit some like it got in his face. He is not stopping tho like he said but I knew that. After shooting my cum hes just tensing up his arm around my neck and I know he knows I'm gonna try real screaming in a second and he does that so I wont. And he squeezs my balls like he wants all the last bits of cum to get out and with them all empty it hurts like godmotherfuckingalot and I go beserk. He is just pushing me sideways and we roll off the couch and hes on me with all his weight and all I can do is flop some with my arms and legs and hope its over soon. After I cum its like POFF the endorphens are like gone and it just really fucking hurts and its like just for kicks hes doing double of whats hit and fun. And he soooo knows when its no fun anymore but thats when it gets real good for him. Most times its totally worth it, if it makes him get off really good and some of the fucks then are like real totally awesome. Finally he lets go of my balls and lets me breathe and I can feel HIS boner between my ass checks and on my back, I'm like sobbing and trying to catch air, and I feel like Ive been had and a floor mat, nothing more then a piece of meat to use like he wants to. Hes just moving some, his dick like forward and backwards in my ass crack and I'm like thinking PLEASE fuck me now, good and as hard as you can. But he doesnt, like he's gessed it and wont do it just cos I want him to. So he just fucks my crack till he blows all over my back and thenhe kinda sits up some and says what a fucking mess and gives me headnuckle. And he takes MY tshirt from the chair and wipes my back.

OK so I cant wear that to work tomorrow and I have to use one of his. I totally love wearing his stuff but he hates it so I already know I can grab one of his and if he thinks about it get racked so I'm hurting all day or put my T on with cum on it and someone is gonna say something stupid. I know hes doing it on purpose.

So then hes going back up on the couch and pulls me up to by my ear, and we're like exactly before he started and hes getting his nap and I feel sick and like shit, and try not to puke and not moving around so I wont keep him from napping. Oh god I love him! I feel him fall asleep and he feels so relaxed and his brething is like happy. His left arm is over me, and it feels heavy but thats only cos i'm about to get sick but I dont want to. Its so awesome to feel him next to me, and his arm over me is like it feels protective and also like at the same time like posessive. I feel happy and good in some way but I keep starting to think if I had put up a little fight like he likes it so much maybe I could have made him hurt me a lot worse and got fucked. I'm like thinking I did something wrong, and I wasnt good enough again. Or I chickened out again just like when it really was hurting so bad. Like I deserve it not to get fucked if I didnt do it good enough for him to make him want to rape my ass. I keep thinking he does what he wants anyway and most times he tells me when he really wants me to do something so whatever.

I must have of fell asleep, cos I woke up when he pushed me off on the floor. It was like already 2 in the morning and he's moving on to bed, so I get up and go after him. I'm feeling sick still, my balls got my stomach in a vise grip, but its not anymore like I'm gonna throw up any sec more like I got punched in the guts for 3 hours and no breaks. Hes already under the blanket and its looking like hes gonna go sleep. No good night fuck like always? what did I do wrong today?? So I slip in too and he turns around and says you want a fuck huh? Of course I want to say YES PLEASE but then he's not doing it for sure or he does it so I am DEF!! not gonna like it and if I say no or not really or something, he might fuck me over really bad so I cant go work tomorrow or he might say ok and just sleep. Its like I never know, damn if i say one thing and damn if I say the other. Hes not waiting for what I say anyways and just grabbing my neck down to blow him. Goes fast and hes asleep right after. I feel still real sick so for today its ok by me and I cuddle up after hes really asleep. He seems happy and thats what counts.

Euro Stuff .. but didn't work out

So this afternoon we're heading out to go to IKEA in Frisco. Hes wanting to buy some shelfs. I LOVE doing this euro stuff with him, cos he's always talking about how hes been goin to shop their like 20 years ago in whereever and all that and they got cool stuff. Its like I feel a little like I'm more in on that. But we're not even on the tollroad yet, going on 635 at like 70 and his Volvo dies again. Engine cut out. He's like swearing and I kinda shrink in my seat, just in case he's gonna sock me. On the side its only like a minute and the car starts again but he's like all pissy and goes off the freeway to the next PepBoys and we look under the hood. OK, HE looks under the hood cos he won't let me do anything on his car. Which I so totally don't get: first he pushs me to ASE school and beats the crap out of me when I skip class after work just cos I'm tired and rather be with him and not study and I fucken pass the exam and he still won't let me do nothing. Like he's the mechanic! Anyways the darn battery terminal cable is lose and the battery is all off base. So he gets like $40 worth of clamps and brackets and does it himself. And hes so fuckin pissed cos the shop fixed just that. They said they fixed it but the clamps were all dull so they couldnt have worked. And hes got the battery hold down only they didnt put it on.

Lucky he got over it fast and we goet back on the freeway but the car bucks again one more time but its not dying. He's not much in no mood anymore to go all the way up to Frisco if the car is just gonna break down. I so totally don't get why he's even going to that stupid shop anymore. They mess it up every time or if they fix one thing they break another. Like the seat belt reminder the other day. So he gets the car back after they fix the head gasket after they take all the time in the world for it while hes all pissed the entire time and lets me have it. Then they finally get it done and it keeps cutting out and then they fix that and he's even more pissed till they got it done. And then thats fixed too (or not like see earlier) and the car keeps making this "bing bing" from the seat belt reminder. So he's all ticked off again after work and by the time he gets home hes so worked up he racks me like the minute he sees me and later works me over real good. I could of told him some bitch in the shop pulled a cable from one of them seats just to fuck with him but he didnt want to hear nothing. I don't get it why he keeps going their. I wouldn't let those motherfuckers touch my truck with a pole! Not that I need to anyways cos most I do myself.

So on the way back we stop at a gas station to stock up on the coke zero he likes so much and he seems this blond guy and checks him out. Like I don't notice it. Or he knows but he don't care. I hate it. I'm always scared hes picking up some guy thats hotter then me. And then he did this thing I so dred: he looks at the guy, and I know that dude is his type, totally. And then he looks at me and at the guy again and it's like my stomach cramps up. It's like this test, always, like he compares me to who ever he's just getting a boner for. At least this one goes my way cos he doesnt chat the dud eup and we just leave. I'm like so relievd. It's like this every day, like living on the edge, like he might of dump me any day. I think a lot about his last ex, this guy Riley. I met him only a couple times with the group and at his house, like after they were already over. Riley hated my guts, a lot, like it was my fault he got dumped. But I kinda know what hes been going thru, cos if I ever get dumped (god help me it wont happen) I'd be so crushed too and I'd hate the guy thats gonan take my place. Or kill him. I dunno, like I would really care what happens to me if this is ever over. Anyways.

So from the gas station we get home. Oh and he also got his lottery tickets their but he just puts them on the stack of all the others. He never checks them, only like when their about to no longer be valid then he does. I dont get that also, I mean if you buy the lottery won't you check like if you won? Not him. So we're home and I put the cokes in the fridge and when I get up be kicks me right in the balls. He loves doing that when I dont think about it and he got me good. And hes got his evil grin and I'm like on the kitchen floor holding my balls and coughing. He's just happy hes got me good and goes to turn on his foreign TV and puts his fav sweat pants on and lies on the couch. It took me a couple minutes till I could get up and I didn't wanna stay just their in the kitchen so I get up. Like always I dunno if I'm supposed to go be with him and watch the TV where I dont understand one word (but cool to watch and they have a lot more nudity even some frontal) or just get lost for a bit, play on the computer or something. But he just kind of waves at me and I know what he means so I strip naked and go lie with him. I was glad I could, I like sort of cuddling with him like that. I can feel him and how warm he is and his muscles. And sooner or later he usually gets horned up, so. Like almost always when we lie on the couch he grabs my balls and plays with them and I dont know if he thinks about it or just does it with no thinking but he always squeez them and pulls so it hurts. He likes it a lot when I flinch and he can do it for hours on end, or till he gets up for a smoke or sends me to get something to drink or whatever.

I feel him behind me and I can feel when he's getting a boner from all the nut playing. Sometimes like earlier I can't wait for him getting horned up enough so he's gonna wanna fuck but if I get too gay he wont do it. So I just flinch and buck some till I get his boner right up my ass crack and with that I can usually work his boner till he's ready to go for it. I dunno if he knows and just lets it happen or if he is catching me doing that like on purpose sometimes. But if he thinks I'm trying to get him to fuck me, I so def won't be and then it's like open game on my nuts. It's like a punishment. I like it rough and on the balls and whatever he's up to to get off on but he always does like double of whats hot and THAT's what turns him on. In a way it's like damn if you do and damn if you dont for me. He always wants me to fight it, like he needs an excuse to hit me even more (yeah right he does it anyways) and sometimes I do just to make it better for him but it gets me hurt a lot more. In the end the fucks are GREAT if he wants me to like it. Its more important he gets off real good cos that makes me happy but its nicer if I get to cum real good too. Its always hard to tell tho. Sometimes he just wants to be nice and then I get to cum like crazy. Sometimes it's like he gets a bad consience for hurting me so bad so it's like he makes up and I get to cum like crazy. And then sometimes he's just like mean and its no fun for me, just hurts like shit!! But he gets off real good, and if I'm crying real bad it totally works for him. Its all good for me as long as he gets off awesome but I always feel like shit and just some fuck meat for him when it's like that. I just keep telling myself sometimes he needs it more like what feels for him like a rape and I help keep him out of jail if he can mess with me or beat the crap out of me when hes in a mood like that. Better me then some Joe whos gonna make trouble for him.

Earlier worked out OK though. I guess he didnt really like whatever show he was watching, like it was boring or something cos I could tell he wasnt really paying no attention to it and he started to really work my balls and he got real hard behind me. LOL I was so ready for another good long fuck .. so great! When I couldn't hold it in any longer and started to make noise when he squeezed down he got tired of playing and pushed me off the couch and as soon as I was on my feet to the bedroom. Finally! I got on my back as most times and pulled up my legs and spread them some and my hands in my neck and he did what he so LOVES to do: punch my balls. I could tell he was already totally horned up cos I only had to spread them for a couple sucker punches and then he was ready to turn me over and nail my ass. With him it's in a way a lot the same and also always different. I thought he was just gonna ram it in like always and grab my balls to keep me squealing, so i was on my knees and my shoulders and anxius for him to go. But like I never know he didnt and he just kicked me in the balls. I didn't even notice he got up, but he kicked me so hard I was flying forward and hit the wall with my head. I bet if the old queen upstairs heard me scream he was jerking off again... funny I could think of that right their. I know better by now not to try to protect my balls, so I tried to grab my own neck as hard as I could and get some air. From the kick i was like half curled up but I know whats coming so I made like this lame try to kick him or something, but the pain from my balls kind of cramped my belly so it wasnt much of a kick, i guess more like a flinch with my leg. He pulled me back by my balls and I bet if the old queen didnt hear me before he heard me now. He held me down by my balls and out his rubber on and I tried not to squeal too much and now I was finally going to get his dick. He is such a tease sometimes. I so wish I wasnt poz and he wouldnt have to use no rubbers!! Anyway. He's fucked me soo many times and he still can make it hurt. I know he doesnt think of me as like I was a sissy when I grunt or make a groan or something when he rams it in. He WANTS it to hurt and that makes him so rock hard!! Today was one of my luckier days, he did me good and long and hard. Even if I wine or bitch sometimes, I love it that hes only into ruff and violent. After a while the pain isnt so bad anymore and I can't get enough or maybe I just don't care anymore and just want to get off like so many times before with him. And feel him CUM like awesome so he's really happy. I got fucked by a LOT of guys in my life but nobody fucks like him. He fucks like god like he's a natural and has a gift. Like a priest maybe, I know its kind of a weird thing to say. I've had to watch him fuck other guys before and I wonder sometimes if I am like most of them with like this stupid face what they make when all they care is just get to finish this one fuck. I prolly do.

Today was really a good day cos in the end when I was more then ready to shoot my load, he jerked me up like he does sometimes with his arm around my neck, his hand on my balls and his dick plowing my ass, and choked the fuck out of me so I saw stars in black and ripped my balls like he was gonna tear them off. I felt him cumming and GOOOD so I could let go, too. He likes to make me cum first like he controls when and how I get to cum but I like to feel him cum first so I know its been good for him and it's like this block in me that keep sme from cumming till he gets off and then I can. I didn't hit the high mark on the wall, but I got close, hehe. He likes it a lot when I shoot a big load. When I started shooting cum he squeezed and ripped my balls even more. Thats like better then any trip I used to be on like ecstacy, totally extreme pain, feel his dick up my ass, and cum and cum and cum. He didnt let go of me, just let me have a little more air and playing hard with my balls still. This is like the best moment, he got off great, he saw me cum good, so he gets to feel like the stud he is and he is enjoying it. Right their I'm like SOOO his bitch and I'm happy about it. I've been thinking if I could feel like this all the time that must be what its like when you die and get to go to heven. Of course its not like that now, when he comes down some and pulls out, he tightens the grip on my neck again and then my balls get it real good till I cry hard and beg. Thats how its like with him, theirs always a price to pay.

Later we went up the street to the Panda to get some food. I wasnt really ready to walk around and all but I also dont like it when hes out by himself, who knows if he picks up some guy and doesnt come back till he messed with him or whatever. So I tagged along and this hispanic dude behind the counter starts all smiling and flirting when he sees my bf. I guess he's kinda cute and sooo obvius he'd drop everything and his job to come along to get laid but I know FAT chance like my bf would fuck some spick, cute or not. And whose gonna do some guy called Uldaldo? Is that even a real name. I cant help but think how these guys even do it when they check what their in for. I mean I bet they may like a little ruff or bearit out but most scream like hell when hes getting to their balls. Sometimes I feel bad for them but most times I am happy in a mean way cos they wont be back ever.

On the way out back to the car (didnt die anymore) he saw I had trouble walking, it still fucking hurt. And he puts his arm around my neck and pulls. I bet he tried to be nice but he can't just show it. But I love it when he tuches me, it makes me tingle every time. I live for those moments and their rare. Then after we were eating, ok he was done like fast cos he always inhales his food and I mess with them damn chopsticks he always gets, he was sorting out more of his stuff that still isnt set up at the new place even though hes been living here for months. He didnt get the shelfs hes been wanting to since we didnt make it to IKEA but theirs so much. He showed me some pics he unpacked from way back in Europe. Like from some car show in Luxemburg, thats like in the Netherlands or something. He's done like soo much stuff and been so many places. I love seeing it and hear all the stories but it makes me feel so stupid like what have I done, and why do I even get to stick around. I try not to think about that.

Now he is still napping. I dont know if I should wake him up or something, cos if he wakes up like after midnight, he can't go back to sleep easy. Then he is just gonna be horny again and then I will be late for work again and him too. But its tricky. Sometimes he's all nice and comfy when I wake him and I get to cuddle and sometimes he gets really pissy if hes been sleeping real deep already. Hard to tell.