My BF's ex-ex

I guess I'm not that good at this blog cos I'm forgetting stuff. I was gonna write some about that ex-ex of my bf, the guy on the ranch. I'm like real curious about them. Thats the ex and the guys bf. I know I'm not gonna get to go along. My bf doesnt really say like exactly why, but from what I got, it's like he feels his ex got to say OK or fail to whoever hes bringing their.

Now I don't know if hes not wanting to get a bad signal for like ME or if he wouldn't bring me anyways cos then he'd have to say I'm poz, I cant speak right (like that the guy would figure out easy), maybe not say what all I did before. From what I hear the ex is like my bf, like this righteous thing, like its their way or no way, all us Americans are dumb stupid fucks, you know. But he, thats my bf now, he says his ex is more texan like people born here and I've seen pics and both the guys are like FAT!!!! and they look like country folk. If he hadnt told me I'd think their just normal people like every other redneck I know. But he and his ex they talk a lot on the phone, and like their real close like good friends still. They split up like years ago, many years. All the other ex's of my bf arent like that, most he kinda hates. Except one thats driving me crazy.

I think foreigners are like totally different. I LOVE mine but it's not like I understand him a lot. All the guys I always know, that are gay I mean, they get with a guy, fuck him a while and that it and they dump him and get the next guy. They just call it boyfriends and breakup, cos it sounds nicer. Or you just get to hook up a couple times, bend over as long as its good for the other guy and then its just over and they wont even tell you. OK for me its always been a bit different cos I'm just a fuckup but thats sort of how it goes.

My boyfriend is like totally different from anybody I know. OK some things I've always heard about some foreigners are like totally true. Like he's totally into kink and into ruff. He can't even get a boner for some vanilla stuff. Deep down their all nazis but they get all real mad if you say it. Like this: so he likes to watch all kinds of stuff about WWII but then he goes on and on and on how bad they were and thats its so unfair that everyone thinks of them just as nazi-likers. But hes got a Nazi knife to open his letters with and when we watch some nazi stuff on his TV shows hes getting a HUGE boner and I always get my brains fucked out. Like the other day, he had some documentary about german prisoners after WWII on and they were like POWs of us, and then it was like he took it out on me after. OK I got off like I havent in a while with him but it so fucking hurt. I could totally see him in a nazi camp really fucking over a lot of guys and loving it. thats just one thing.

I think foreigners are like really harsh. It's like their set in one way and theirs like totally absolutely nothing that gets them out of that way. like an engine on a track, try to stop that or get it off the track. Its like, every time I try to say something about why we cant be boyfriends and why I can't move in, it's like NO and he socks me cos hes thinking it got settled once and thats it. Like forever. Or with friends. Its like your his friend or his enemy. And if your his enemy your screwed for LIFE. I've seen like this one guy once. He kinda knew my bf from way back when but was on his bad list but I guess he figured after all this time it was like over or forgiven or whatever. And with like not one word, my bf socks him right in the face and its like bleeding crazy. The guy was like totally surprised and cried but my bf said dude I told you back then to stay the fuck away. That totally blew me away. I mean he wouldnt even talk to him, just BAM and thats that.

In a way I'd love to meet his ex, just cos I would see if their all the same or if thats just him, my bf. I know they cant all be such tuff badasses like him but still.

It's like they've got all these rules that only they know and its like this minefield cos you never know what your stepping on. For my bf its like the number #1 rule: never lie. Thats about the worst thing for him, lying. And then, like betrayal. Its like those can never be forgiven. And once your a friend its like a real friend and its really fucken hard to screw that up whatever you do. I mean its got to be really bad to mess it up then. But cos its so black and white, whats that mean for me? I know he digs me and in some way he cares for me a lot or be wouldnt let me hang around and make me get my ASE and all that. But I cant help thinking if I'm like his ex when he wasnt his ex yet, or just some fuck meat hes just using for a lot longer then most. Now I love when hes talking foreign to me when hes fucking me cos its HOT but its not so nice when hes talking with his ex and I dont know what their talking about. I've heard him say Kevin so their talking about me sometimes but he never tells me what.

It would prolly help me a lot if I could get to meet his ex some day and I'd be on my like totally best behavior but maybe understand him better. Its like I feel so stupid anyways cos my bf can speak other languges and his ex too, and he knows so much about like everything and I dont, and I dont even know all the mines I can step on all the times to fuck things up.

Euro Stuff .. but didn't work out

So this afternoon we're heading out to go to IKEA in Frisco. Hes wanting to buy some shelfs. I LOVE doing this euro stuff with him, cos he's always talking about how hes been goin to shop their like 20 years ago in whereever and all that and they got cool stuff. Its like I feel a little like I'm more in on that. But we're not even on the tollroad yet, going on 635 at like 70 and his Volvo dies again. Engine cut out. He's like swearing and I kinda shrink in my seat, just in case he's gonna sock me. On the side its only like a minute and the car starts again but he's like all pissy and goes off the freeway to the next PepBoys and we look under the hood. OK, HE looks under the hood cos he won't let me do anything on his car. Which I so totally don't get: first he pushs me to ASE school and beats the crap out of me when I skip class after work just cos I'm tired and rather be with him and not study and I fucken pass the exam and he still won't let me do nothing. Like he's the mechanic! Anyways the darn battery terminal cable is lose and the battery is all off base. So he gets like $40 worth of clamps and brackets and does it himself. And hes so fuckin pissed cos the shop fixed just that. They said they fixed it but the clamps were all dull so they couldnt have worked. And hes got the battery hold down only they didnt put it on.

Lucky he got over it fast and we goet back on the freeway but the car bucks again one more time but its not dying. He's not much in no mood anymore to go all the way up to Frisco if the car is just gonna break down. I so totally don't get why he's even going to that stupid shop anymore. They mess it up every time or if they fix one thing they break another. Like the seat belt reminder the other day. So he gets the car back after they fix the head gasket after they take all the time in the world for it while hes all pissed the entire time and lets me have it. Then they finally get it done and it keeps cutting out and then they fix that and he's even more pissed till they got it done. And then thats fixed too (or not like see earlier) and the car keeps making this "bing bing" from the seat belt reminder. So he's all ticked off again after work and by the time he gets home hes so worked up he racks me like the minute he sees me and later works me over real good. I could of told him some bitch in the shop pulled a cable from one of them seats just to fuck with him but he didnt want to hear nothing. I don't get it why he keeps going their. I wouldn't let those motherfuckers touch my truck with a pole! Not that I need to anyways cos most I do myself.

So on the way back we stop at a gas station to stock up on the coke zero he likes so much and he seems this blond guy and checks him out. Like I don't notice it. Or he knows but he don't care. I hate it. I'm always scared hes picking up some guy thats hotter then me. And then he did this thing I so dred: he looks at the guy, and I know that dude is his type, totally. And then he looks at me and at the guy again and it's like my stomach cramps up. It's like this test, always, like he compares me to who ever he's just getting a boner for. At least this one goes my way cos he doesnt chat the dud eup and we just leave. I'm like so relievd. It's like this every day, like living on the edge, like he might of dump me any day. I think a lot about his last ex, this guy Riley. I met him only a couple times with the group and at his house, like after they were already over. Riley hated my guts, a lot, like it was my fault he got dumped. But I kinda know what hes been going thru, cos if I ever get dumped (god help me it wont happen) I'd be so crushed too and I'd hate the guy thats gonan take my place. Or kill him. I dunno, like I would really care what happens to me if this is ever over. Anyways.

So from the gas station we get home. Oh and he also got his lottery tickets their but he just puts them on the stack of all the others. He never checks them, only like when their about to no longer be valid then he does. I dont get that also, I mean if you buy the lottery won't you check like if you won? Not him. So we're home and I put the cokes in the fridge and when I get up be kicks me right in the balls. He loves doing that when I dont think about it and he got me good. And hes got his evil grin and I'm like on the kitchen floor holding my balls and coughing. He's just happy hes got me good and goes to turn on his foreign TV and puts his fav sweat pants on and lies on the couch. It took me a couple minutes till I could get up and I didn't wanna stay just their in the kitchen so I get up. Like always I dunno if I'm supposed to go be with him and watch the TV where I dont understand one word (but cool to watch and they have a lot more nudity even some frontal) or just get lost for a bit, play on the computer or something. But he just kind of waves at me and I know what he means so I strip naked and go lie with him. I was glad I could, I like sort of cuddling with him like that. I can feel him and how warm he is and his muscles. And sooner or later he usually gets horned up, so. Like almost always when we lie on the couch he grabs my balls and plays with them and I dont know if he thinks about it or just does it with no thinking but he always squeez them and pulls so it hurts. He likes it a lot when I flinch and he can do it for hours on end, or till he gets up for a smoke or sends me to get something to drink or whatever.

I feel him behind me and I can feel when he's getting a boner from all the nut playing. Sometimes like earlier I can't wait for him getting horned up enough so he's gonna wanna fuck but if I get too gay he wont do it. So I just flinch and buck some till I get his boner right up my ass crack and with that I can usually work his boner till he's ready to go for it. I dunno if he knows and just lets it happen or if he is catching me doing that like on purpose sometimes. But if he thinks I'm trying to get him to fuck me, I so def won't be and then it's like open game on my nuts. It's like a punishment. I like it rough and on the balls and whatever he's up to to get off on but he always does like double of whats hot and THAT's what turns him on. In a way it's like damn if you do and damn if you dont for me. He always wants me to fight it, like he needs an excuse to hit me even more (yeah right he does it anyways) and sometimes I do just to make it better for him but it gets me hurt a lot more. In the end the fucks are GREAT if he wants me to like it. Its more important he gets off real good cos that makes me happy but its nicer if I get to cum real good too. Its always hard to tell tho. Sometimes he just wants to be nice and then I get to cum like crazy. Sometimes it's like he gets a bad consience for hurting me so bad so it's like he makes up and I get to cum like crazy. And then sometimes he's just like mean and its no fun for me, just hurts like shit!! But he gets off real good, and if I'm crying real bad it totally works for him. Its all good for me as long as he gets off awesome but I always feel like shit and just some fuck meat for him when it's like that. I just keep telling myself sometimes he needs it more like what feels for him like a rape and I help keep him out of jail if he can mess with me or beat the crap out of me when hes in a mood like that. Better me then some Joe whos gonna make trouble for him.

Earlier worked out OK though. I guess he didnt really like whatever show he was watching, like it was boring or something cos I could tell he wasnt really paying no attention to it and he started to really work my balls and he got real hard behind me. LOL I was so ready for another good long fuck .. so great! When I couldn't hold it in any longer and started to make noise when he squeezed down he got tired of playing and pushed me off the couch and as soon as I was on my feet to the bedroom. Finally! I got on my back as most times and pulled up my legs and spread them some and my hands in my neck and he did what he so LOVES to do: punch my balls. I could tell he was already totally horned up cos I only had to spread them for a couple sucker punches and then he was ready to turn me over and nail my ass. With him it's in a way a lot the same and also always different. I thought he was just gonna ram it in like always and grab my balls to keep me squealing, so i was on my knees and my shoulders and anxius for him to go. But like I never know he didnt and he just kicked me in the balls. I didn't even notice he got up, but he kicked me so hard I was flying forward and hit the wall with my head. I bet if the old queen upstairs heard me scream he was jerking off again... funny I could think of that right their. I know better by now not to try to protect my balls, so I tried to grab my own neck as hard as I could and get some air. From the kick i was like half curled up but I know whats coming so I made like this lame try to kick him or something, but the pain from my balls kind of cramped my belly so it wasnt much of a kick, i guess more like a flinch with my leg. He pulled me back by my balls and I bet if the old queen didnt hear me before he heard me now. He held me down by my balls and out his rubber on and I tried not to squeal too much and now I was finally going to get his dick. He is such a tease sometimes. I so wish I wasnt poz and he wouldnt have to use no rubbers!! Anyway. He's fucked me soo many times and he still can make it hurt. I know he doesnt think of me as like I was a sissy when I grunt or make a groan or something when he rams it in. He WANTS it to hurt and that makes him so rock hard!! Today was one of my luckier days, he did me good and long and hard. Even if I wine or bitch sometimes, I love it that hes only into ruff and violent. After a while the pain isnt so bad anymore and I can't get enough or maybe I just don't care anymore and just want to get off like so many times before with him. And feel him CUM like awesome so he's really happy. I got fucked by a LOT of guys in my life but nobody fucks like him. He fucks like god like he's a natural and has a gift. Like a priest maybe, I know its kind of a weird thing to say. I've had to watch him fuck other guys before and I wonder sometimes if I am like most of them with like this stupid face what they make when all they care is just get to finish this one fuck. I prolly do.

Today was really a good day cos in the end when I was more then ready to shoot my load, he jerked me up like he does sometimes with his arm around my neck, his hand on my balls and his dick plowing my ass, and choked the fuck out of me so I saw stars in black and ripped my balls like he was gonna tear them off. I felt him cumming and GOOOD so I could let go, too. He likes to make me cum first like he controls when and how I get to cum but I like to feel him cum first so I know its been good for him and it's like this block in me that keep sme from cumming till he gets off and then I can. I didn't hit the high mark on the wall, but I got close, hehe. He likes it a lot when I shoot a big load. When I started shooting cum he squeezed and ripped my balls even more. Thats like better then any trip I used to be on like ecstacy, totally extreme pain, feel his dick up my ass, and cum and cum and cum. He didnt let go of me, just let me have a little more air and playing hard with my balls still. This is like the best moment, he got off great, he saw me cum good, so he gets to feel like the stud he is and he is enjoying it. Right their I'm like SOOO his bitch and I'm happy about it. I've been thinking if I could feel like this all the time that must be what its like when you die and get to go to heven. Of course its not like that now, when he comes down some and pulls out, he tightens the grip on my neck again and then my balls get it real good till I cry hard and beg. Thats how its like with him, theirs always a price to pay.

Later we went up the street to the Panda to get some food. I wasnt really ready to walk around and all but I also dont like it when hes out by himself, who knows if he picks up some guy and doesnt come back till he messed with him or whatever. So I tagged along and this hispanic dude behind the counter starts all smiling and flirting when he sees my bf. I guess he's kinda cute and sooo obvius he'd drop everything and his job to come along to get laid but I know FAT chance like my bf would fuck some spick, cute or not. And whose gonna do some guy called Uldaldo? Is that even a real name. I cant help but think how these guys even do it when they check what their in for. I mean I bet they may like a little ruff or bearit out but most scream like hell when hes getting to their balls. Sometimes I feel bad for them but most times I am happy in a mean way cos they wont be back ever.

On the way out back to the car (didnt die anymore) he saw I had trouble walking, it still fucking hurt. And he puts his arm around my neck and pulls. I bet he tried to be nice but he can't just show it. But I love it when he tuches me, it makes me tingle every time. I live for those moments and their rare. Then after we were eating, ok he was done like fast cos he always inhales his food and I mess with them damn chopsticks he always gets, he was sorting out more of his stuff that still isnt set up at the new place even though hes been living here for months. He didnt get the shelfs hes been wanting to since we didnt make it to IKEA but theirs so much. He showed me some pics he unpacked from way back in Europe. Like from some car show in Luxemburg, thats like in the Netherlands or something. He's done like soo much stuff and been so many places. I love seeing it and hear all the stories but it makes me feel so stupid like what have I done, and why do I even get to stick around. I try not to think about that.

Now he is still napping. I dont know if I should wake him up or something, cos if he wakes up like after midnight, he can't go back to sleep easy. Then he is just gonna be horny again and then I will be late for work again and him too. But its tricky. Sometimes he's all nice and comfy when I wake him and I get to cuddle and sometimes he gets really pissy if hes been sleeping real deep already. Hard to tell.